A Quiet Existence
by Rhaoz
Summary: All you've ever wanted was for your life to quiet down. To finally be able to take a breath, to be able to take things easy. To heal from your past. But maybe quiet isn't what you need, something you quickly discover upon a small family of skeletal monsters becoming your new roommates. Reader X Gaster, eventually. Will be rated M later on. Reader POV.
1. Chapter 1

A sigh pulled from your lips, arms splayed dramatically across your bed, cheek pressed against your pillow. It'd been a week since that fateful fight that had ultimately resulted in all three of your roommates leaving you alone, and the silence was beginning to weigh on you more heavily than you cared to admit. Rolling onto your back, there was a certain detachment to the way you regarded your ceiling, feet dangling off the edge of your mattress. More than the quiet emptiness of the home, there was also the pressing matter of making ends meet and paying bills.

The four of you had managed it. Truly, the home itself wasn't worth how much it costed; the location is where most of the cost came from. Right on the outskirts of a major city, yet far enough off the road and surrounded by enough trees to provide privacy and peace. It wasn't even a full fifteen minute drive into the city. Though, you supposed, the acreage the farm-house style home sat on surely played a part in it as well. Plenty of space all around for having social gatherings, a vegetable garden in the back; it was sheer luck you had managed to get this place.

Always an ambitious sort, you'd jumped on the rent-to-own opportunity the property brought. But rent was high, and even if it was your name on everything, your roommates were more than happy before to pay their part so long as they had a place to stay. A worried sort of nausea swirled in your stomach, bitter as you pushed yourself up into a sitting position. Unfortunately, you and them had very different ideas about the monsters that had come to the surface just a few months prior. You were always quick to correct the bouts of slurs your roommates used, always more than slightly sickened by the prejudice and outright hatred they had shown.

Truth be told, you liked monsters more than you liked humans. You'd yet to meet an outright mean one. Plenty of them were nervous, but that was to be expected all things considered. Yet never one who was malicious for the sake of it. People hated them simply for existing, and that didn't sit well with you at all. Monsters were different from humans, yes, but they were just as intelligent and every bit as capable of morality and emotion. And with the few friends among them you had made, quite a feat in and of itself as you didn't have many to begin with, your resolve to do your best in helping monster kind gain equal rights and opportunities was strong.

For all your anxiety and other issues, you never missed a protest on their behalf. Meetings that were open to the public were always attended. You were far from being the only one welcoming them with open arms, of course, for which you were grateful. It was the reminder that you so often needed that humanity wasn't truly all that bad. Firmly reminding yourself not to let a few bad apples spoil the bunch, your previous roommates faces were pushed from your mind. For now, you needed to put an ad out online and in the paper. If you didn't get new roommates soon, you'd be in all sorts of trouble.

Groaning and getting to your feet, your dog glanced up from his corner, ears cocked. "I'm okay. Stay." It was a tired command, opting to amble over to your corner desk. Cluttered yet chaotically neat, it was the only messy area in your room. But you always worked best in a mess, truth be told. Rubbing at your hip before sitting in your cushioned chair, you wiggled your mouse to pull your laptop from sleep mode. A few clicks later, and you were busily typing basic information in to a few websites. Most of which made you cringe, ticking the 'Monster Friendly' box on each one. It just felt wrong, having to do something like that, like it was the same as marking 'Pet Friendly'.

Ignoring the twinge of guilt you felt for having to check something so obnoxious to begin with, using old pictures from before you'd gotten your previous roommates of the spare bedrooms, everything was uploaded and you were happy to push away from your desk. Turning in your chair as it went, you used that momentum to pop up onto your feet, taking long strides on out of your bedroom. It was about time to get dinner started, and you were sure Lucifer needed to be let out, anyways. Something of a smile pulled at your lips, snapping as you went so he'd follow after you. A devout thing, your dog was, immediately at your side and to attention as he padded along beside you.

He was a wonderfully trained service dog, you honestly didn't know where you'd be without him. On your physically bad days, he was always ready to go, backpack and harness at the ready. Even your mentally unsteady ones. Truth be told, sometimes you felt like you'd have given up on life without him. But, you supposed, that's what he was supposed to do. Do and aid in the things you couldn't do for yourself, to act as medical equipment until it was okay to relax and just be a dog. His wet nose nudged at your palm, and you responded by gently scratching behind one of his ears.

"Need to go potty, Luci?" Your babying tone of voice was all it took to let the German Shepherd know he was off duty for the time being, immediately dropping down onto his front paws, tail wagging as he gave a sharpyip. "Yeah? Wanna go ou'side?" Giggling at his playful enthusiasm, he beat you to the sliding glass doors that lead to the backyard. Shaking your head and smiling as you pulled it open, you watched him bound out with a feeling of vague contentment. Deciding to leave it open (it was rather nice out), you meandered your way to the kitchen.

Wincing and gripping the counter with your good hand, you slowly managed to lean down and open one of the lower cupboards, pulling a pot and pan out with no small degree of difficulty. Usually Lucifer helped you with this, but he'd been very good all day about assisting you. He deserved a night off—but you knew if you really needed him, he'd be right back to it in an instant. Besides, you were really just stiff and sore today. Most of the time, you could manage. Setting the cookware on the stove, you ambled your way to the fridge; you'd already put chicken in there to thaw earlier.

Chicken and rice was always a good idea. Grabbing a box of broth and a few other bits and ends, you reclaimed your position in front of the counter. Pulling a cutting board closer and snagging a knife from the magnetic strip on the wall, the boneless breast was tugged from the freezer bag it'd been sealed in. As you set to dicing, you heard your dog amble back in, claws clicking over the wood flooring as he came to lay down out of the way, watching you intently. "Ain't no rest for the wicked, huh, Luci?" You spared him a sideways glance, setting your knife down—and just in time, too, your phone going off scared you out of your wits.

Jumping with your breath caught in your throat, blinking owlishly, you were quick to wash your hand and flap them erratically to try and dry them before fumbling for your cell. Pulling it from your pocket, you squinted at the unknown number flashing across your screen. Did you already have a taker? That fast? Swallowing past your anxiety, you tapped answer and brought it to your ear. "Hello! This is [Y/N] speaking, how may I help you?" Inwardly grimacing at the sunniness in your tone, you leaned against the counter, chewing on your lower lip.

"HELLO!"

The sheer volume and exuberance of the other person's voice made you jolt, holding your phone a little away from your ear. "My name is Papyrus! I'm calling about the three rooms you listed online!" Ah, much better, you safely returned your cell to its original position. "You're the first caller, all three are still available. Are you looking to take one or all of them?" You really hadn't expected to get any inquiries for at least a week. Maybe living space was in higher demand than you first thought? "All of them! Not just for me, of course! My brother and father will take the other two!" Oh—a family? That sounded...really nice, actually.

Better than random strangers taking rooms and just hoping they all get along, at any rate. "That sounds great. Uhm, when would you like to come look at the rooms and all the rest of it?" Alas, nice seeming or not, you always had such horrid social anxiety. Trying to ignore the clammy feeling that took over you, mildly comforted by the fact Lucifer shifted closer to lean against your legs, you still did a double take at his answer, "could we come look tonight?" Frantically glancing at the meal you'd yet to even finish prepping, you thought it over carefully. Best to get it out of the way now, right?

"If you don't mind joining me for dinner, please feel free to come over." Moving, you tugged a drawer open, grabbing a ziplock bag to put the chicken back into. You could always cook it and shred it tomorrow to make chicken salad or something for lunch, after all. "GREAT!" His sudden shout caused another grimace, though you kept your phone against your ear, struggling with your hand to open the bag. "We'll be over in a few minutes! Goodbye!" The line went dead at that, and you found yourself blinking rapidly. A few minutes? Oh, dear lord, that wasn't enough time to prep at all!

Tossing your phone onto the counter, you frantically got the chicken shoved back into the fridge, and the knife and cutting board dropped into the previously empty sink. Giving your hands a quick wash, the unused pot and pan were put away (with the help of Lucifer this time around), and you turned to pull some frozen pork chops from your freezer. Tossing them into the microwave to defrost, you rapidly limped out onto your back porch to get the grill turned on before making your way back inside. Lucifer was right by you again, something you were thankful for, murmuring "brace" and regaining your balance after a few more steps.

Your hand left the space between his shoulders, having him help you get a sack of potatoes from the pantry. Chops, mashed 'taters, and a tossed salad seemed like a nice enough dinner. Especially for something that was so...sudden. You only had enough time to pull the needed potatoes out before your doorbell went off. Out of habit, you gestured with your hand at your dog, and he obediently trotted off to go open the front door. Rearing up just a tad to grab the rope attached to the handle, he pulled and tugged the heaven wooden door open before stepping back and staring up at the three.

"Wowie! Are you a monster, too?!" Easily the most energetic of the lot, the second tallest skeleton crouched down. "We spoke on the phone! I am the Great Papyrus!" Holding out his hand, he waited for it to be taken—Lucifer merely sniffed at it before turning and sauntering back into the house. "heh, pap, i don't think that's her. of course...it is still _paws-ible_." "SANS!" Groaning and stomping his foot as Papyrus straightened up, he fixated his far shorter brother with a defiant glare. To which the monster gave a lazy, shit eating grin. Watching the other two with an impassive sort of regard, the tallest simply stepped inside. He had to duck his head down to avoid hitting it on the threshold, hands simply smoothing over his grey sweater after.

Aside from his impressive height, he was dressed far more formally than the others. Where Sans was comfortable in jogging shorts, a stained looking white tee, slippers, and a blue hoodie. And Papyrus some sort of brightly coloured shorts, tennis shoes, a tank top and baseball cap. This silent, white and black being was formal in his sweater, black slacks, and dress shoes. While his face bore an unfaltering black smile, he still managed to look like he was pursing his lips, gesturing for the other two to follow him in. It wasn't giving the best impression to not be greeted in person. But he wouldn't make any harsh judgments just yet.

Of course, it was only after they were inside and you heard the front door close that you realized what you'd done. "Oh, shoot!" Groaning at your lack of tact, you were quickly making your way to the foyer. "I am so sorry about that, it's just, I always have him answer the door for me, I completely forgot I was—oh." You trailed off mid-ramble, blinking at your guests. Well, you had checked that you were monster friendly, but you hadn't really expected any to take you up on it. An awkward silence settled, observing the three with a sheepish sort of expression. The shortest simply stared back, grinning and relaxed, whereas Papyrus looked about ready to start shouting introductions.

Still, your eyes slowly dragged to the tallest; you were assuming this was their father. And you had to look up, chin tilting back just slightly. "Gosh, you're tall. Please be careful, I really don't want you to hit your head on any of the ceiling fans..." It seems like that wasn't what he was expecting you to say, but you couldn't quite tell. Quite the stoic man. "A-anyways! U-uhm, hi, I'm [Y/N]. Thank you for deciding to stop by!" All at once, the tension in the room seemed to melt away. "I'm Papyrus! We spoke on the phone earlier!" Bounding forward, the skeleton excitedly took your hand (thankfully your good one) in his own, eagerly shaking it.

"That we did! Aha, it's lovely to meet you." Normally, socializing wasn't your thing. But...this monster seemed so kind, you found yourself smiling brightly at him. Letting go of his hand, you turned to look at the other two. Raising a hand in something of a greeting, the short stack would say a noncommittal "yo, im sans." "Pleasure to meet you as well, Sans. And..." Your attention returned to the towering figure, a nervous feeling settling in the pit of your stomach. Something just seemed a bit off about this one, but you were trying not to pass any sort of judgment before you got to know him.

He closed the distance between the two of you in one fluid step, primly holding his hand out to you. "W.D. Gaster." As he spoke, hazy symbols formed and hovered around his head momentarily. "Does that stand for Wing Dings?" You blinked, recognizing the font as you took the offered palm—and only then noticing the gaping hole in the center. Unable to help glancing down at it, you shifted your gaze back to his face again. It would be rude to stare or to ask, after all. "...it does." Whether he was amused or annoyed, you couldn't tell, refraining from frowning as he pulled his hand away from you. "Doctor Gaster shall suffice." He continued, voice a rather deep baritone, yet completely smooth.

In all honesty, he put you on edge. Smiling all the same, you nodded enthusiastically. "Doctor Gaster it is, then!" The name seemed familiar...realization slowly dawned on you. Was this the same Gaster that was all over the news? Sharing his research and knowledge to smooth over uncertainties about monster kind, information pertaining to souls; a lot of the diplomatic progress being made was thanks to his involvement. Even the other two...weren't they the guards that followed that little kid, Frisk, around? Your heart skipped a beat, mouth feeling terribly dry. These were important monsters— ** _in your home_** —and you didn't know the first thing about entertaining such high profile guests.

Suddenly, your friendly dinner idea didn't seem...nearly fine enough. Barely keeping a humiliated flush at bay, you cleared your throat awkwardly. "Please, d-do feel free to explore the house! The three unfurnished bedrooms are, uhm, th-the free ones. Ah, one of them is a second master's bedroom, s-so, I imagine you would be interested in th-that one, Doctor Gaster. Uhm, I'm just, um, go-going to go finish making dinner." Mentally swearing as your nervous stutter made itself known,you sheepishly made your escape back to the kitchen.

"ARE YOU MAKING SPAGHETTI?! I AM A MASTER CHEF WHEN IT COMES TO SPAGHETTI!" Papyrus opted to immediately follow after you, nearly scaring you out of your skin. Willing your heart to stop pounding, you managed a feeble smile, "no, not quite." Seeming disheartened by this, the skeleton continued to the kitchen with you all the same. "Can I help?" He seemed quite hopeful, looking over the open space curiously. An island was all that really separated the kitchen from the dining room, you rather liked the layout, really. "You don't have to, really, you're still guests in my home..." "Nonsense!"

Giggling, you shook your head. "Mind washing and peeling those potatoes, then?" You gestured to where you'd left them on the counter, thankful as your dog was quickly by your side again. Nodding and obviously overjoyed to be helping, Papyrus quickly got to work. While he was scrubbing and peeling, you pulled the defrosted pork chops from the microwave. Cutting the freezer bags open, you laid the meat down in a glass dish. Just to season it, of course. Putting together a dry rub, you hardly noticed that the other had stopped to watch you.

"Wowie!" His exclamation caught you off guard, nearly dropping the small bowl you were combining your spices in. "You sure do know what you're doing!" "Oh—gosh, not really, it's just a basic dry rub before I grill 'em..." The compliment was unexpected, but...it was nice. You didn't get very many. Of course, your previous roommates always ate whatever you made (and left you with the dishes), but they were never really vocal about your cooking. Well, they used to be until you all had started to disagree about the whole monster shebang.

"I think you're doing a great job! Almost as great as me, the Great Papyrus! Nyeh heh heh!" Puffing himself up with pride and beaming with his compliment, you couldn't stop yourself from giggling in a pleased fashion. "Well, thank you very, very much for thinking so." You both returned to your respective tasks, peels haphazardly piling up on the counter behind you while you liberally coated each chop. After a while, you were somewhat aware that Sans had taken up perch on one of the stools at the island counter, sitting in front of Papyrus as he worked away.

Washing your hands, you grabbed a pair of tongs, handing them down to Lucifer to carry before picking up the baking dish in one hand. Internally grateful you'd left the backdoor open, you headed for the deck, sighing as the grill was hot and ready to go. Papyrus, finished with peeling and forever curious, followed suit. Setting your load down on the side table, you opened the top up, taking the tongs from Lucifer. "Would you like to give this a try?" It was a genuine offer on your part, blinking at the skeleton—plus, you needed to get a move on with the mashed potatoes and the salad as it was.

"Of course!" Eagerly taking the tongs from you, you gave him a brief rundown on what to do before you scuttled back in. Sans glanced at you as you came in, pulling a pot out and filling it with water. "Mind keeping an eye on Papyrus? I'm letting him man the grill, I don't want him to burn himself..." With a yawn, he nodded, sliding down from his seat and meandering away with an amused "sure, can't say i want my lil' bro on the _charred_ side". It struck you as odd, how easily these strangers were settling in—save for that Gaster guy. Seems like he was the only one that actually went exploring, too.

Swallowing thickly, you carefully moved the pot over onto the stove. Salt was tossed in and the burner set to high, dumping the halved potatoes in after. It was a bit much for you to be experiencing all at once. Rushing through making dinner, having guests in your home—potential roommates at that, it'd be enough to make anyone's head spin. Especially yours, all things considered. The wave of dizziness that hit you really didn't surprise you, but you still let out a quiet sort of 'eep', wavering in place. "Luci! Brace!" Despite being in the kitchen with you, he simply wasn't fast enough in getting to you.

You felt yourself teeter back on your heels, vision spinning and lightheaded before falling back. Tensing your body, you waited to hit the floor with grit teeth and eyes screwed shut. But that impact never came. Instead, when you opened your eyes, you found yourself staring at the ceiling, slowly being turned right side up and set on your feet. Your hands gripped the counter for support, steadying yourself—though the moment you began wobbling, you were corrected again. Much more firmly, now vaguely aware of what felt like several hands securing your form. Glancing over your shoulder, you met the unimpressed (yet curious) gaze of W.D. Gaster.

"O-oh, I'm sorry, uhm—I, sorry—you didn't need to help or a-anything. I fall all the ti-time, really," anxiety began to make your heart pound, feeling vaguely ashamed of yourself for your brief moment of weakness. "And yet my sons are helping with dinner." You couldn't tell if his quip was condescending or a simple observation, but you winced all the same. "Papyrus wanted to help, I couldn't...really find it in myself to say no and..." A frown settled on your features as the phantom-like hands simply lifted you, moving you into the dining room and into a chair.

Your dog followed after you, nosing at your hand and shifting to get himself up into your lap. The weight Lucifer pushed against your chest helped quite a bit. Face burning red, you pressed your face into his fur, uncaring as your glasses slid uncomfortably to the side. "I'm assuming that is a service dog?" His question caught you off guard, though it was innocuous enough as he took over watching the stove. "...yeah. Sorry again. I'm not usually this frazzled." Guilt felt like it was going to swallow you whole at this point, managing to peek up at him.

Gaster remained silent, his detached pairs of hands simply moving about the kitchen. A couple hands working on putting the salad together, another two working on the potatoes, and using his actual hands to familiarize himself with how you had your cabinets set up. That seemed like a final enough answer to you about the whole ordeal.

 _ **Those three were definitely moving in.**_

 **AN:** _Hello! I've been out of the business of writing fanfiction for quite a few years now. However, I would like to make a return to it. It really has been...quite a while. As in, possibly middle school or even earlier than that. I'm a college kid now, haha. This account of mine has sat abandoned long enough. If you enjoyed reading, please do leave a review. The amount of attention this gets will determine how frequently I update it. Hopefully, I'll have longer chapters written after this one. No promises, however._


	2. Chapter 2

Dinner was awkward, to say the least.

Each attempt you made to get up to help the bustling skeletons was met with a silent sideways glance from the doctor in your kitchen. And while his forever stoic expression betrayed nothing, it was enough to keep you in your seat. Papyrus had run back inside at one point to grab a platter, ready to pull the pork chops off the grill (which Sans had been overseeing). You felt rather...dismayed, no longer in control in your own home. But part of you didn't mind, it'd been a while since you hadn't had to make dinner. The rest of you was a nervous wreck, teeming with anxiety, stressing over what you were sure was a horrid first impression.

Still, you managed to swallow your uncertainty concerning Gaster long enough to get up and help set the table. That much, you made sure to do. Of course, doing so meant adamantly refusing to look at the man, otherwise you would likely still be cowering in your seat. Carefully pulling and stacking four plates, setting silverware on top of them, you hoisted them up carefully. You had to brace the load against your bad arm, but out of fear of being picked up by any more disjointed hands, you kept your expression schooled into a neutral expression. Slowly picking your way back to the dining table, you held in a sigh of relief as you put the dishes down. Chewing on your lower lip, the plates and cutlery were set out. The rectangular dining table could seat a good eight people, three on each side and one at each end.

Three plates were placed side by side, and your own on the opposite. As you made to turn back to the kitchen to start getting glasses of water for your guests, you were met with one of those creepy little hands pushing you down into a seat instead. Honestly, they reminded you of those wallmaster things from your Zelda games. Except white. With creepy, gaping, black rimmed holes. Annoyance managed to take the place of anxiety, cutting your eyes at the looming skeletal figure in your kitchen. Who, oddly enough, wasn't even looking your way this time around. Clearing your throat, you made to get back up, only to be thwarted again.

"Please let me up. I'd like to finish setting the table." Your voice was strained, trying to keep it positive, though you were unable to keep something of a sharp edge from seeping into it. Remaining focused on his own tasks, though no words were spoken, two hazy letters formed and hovered around his skull. It didn't take knowing wing dings to guess that was a 'no'. "I'm not going to fall again. I just got dizzy. Honestly, I'm disabled, not helpless." A red flush started to stain your cheeks, a humiliated and miffed shade as your brows furrowed. "I've managed making dinner and stuff like that just fine plenty of times. A dizzy spell isn't anything big."

It felt like you were talking to a brick wall, as not even symbols formed to respond to you. Teeth grit, you adamantly got back to your feet, swatting the phantom-like hand away from you and resolutely trotting right back into the kitchen. That earned you another long stare from Gaster, freezing in place momentarily. Refusing to be bullied in your own home, you swallowed past your dry throat, fetching glasses and an ice tray from the freezer. Lucifer staying obediently by your side helped a bit, feeling more secure with him there. Briefly, the thought of him chewing on the doctor crossed your mind, and you were hard pressed to keep a giggle in. It'd certainly serve him right, trying to boss you around.

Just as you put ice in the glasses and filled them with water, his extra hands would grab them and carry them over to the table for you. A garbled noise of frustration caught in your throat, turning to glower at the far taller man. "Cut that out, you. I'm not above getting a tennis racket and smacking those things away if I have to." Not that you would, but hey, might as well show a little bravado. His only response was a low chuckle, the bowl of potatoes and the salad being carried over next, slinking along after them. A very childish part of you wanted to stomp your foot and screech and demand to be treated like an adult. But that would be more than slightly counterproductive. The two brothers came back in soon enough, setting the platter down and taking their seats beside one another.

Gaster, on the other hand, took your spot. You were almost certain he was trying to get a rise out of you, now. Maybe some sort of weird little test to check your temperance. Now more paranoid than anything, not a single complaint left your lips, moving to sit down beside Papyrus. "...er, thank you, for all the help. I'm sorry that you felt you needed to, you're all still guests in my home. I haven't been the best host, for that I apologize." It was mumbled, your gaze dropping down to your lap, your dog laying down at your feet. "Nonsense! It was fun!" Was that skeleton just made of positivity? You couldn't tell, but his reassurance helped you lift your eyes again, smiling feebly. Sans, forever smiling, seemed to smile a bit further as he added "yeah. we were _grillin'_ to have a good time."

A snort escaped you while Papyrus groaned, but you could tell he enjoyed his brother's antics. Something of a devious smile pulled at your lips, deciding to join in as Gaster's disjointed hands began serving all four of you. "Normally, I'd be _ribbin'_ you for that joke. But I guess when it comes to puns, you have some good _chops_." You felt pleased as Sans dissolved into laughter, Papyrus letting out an even louder groan as his shoulders slumped in despair. You didn't even think of Gaster, despite sitting across from him, as you and the shortest of the skeletal family started a pork pun war.

Finally, the one beside you pitched in. "I haven't _sausage_ terrible puns before!" He sounded so proud of himself, you couldn't help the delighted laugh that spilled from you. Giggles were alright, but you'd never been very fond of your laugh. You'd been told plenty of times you had a beautiful laugh and smile; but hey, social anxiety was a bitch at the best of times. Face turning red, you covered your mouth with your hand, risking a glance at the two brothers. Neither of them seemed to mind, Sans was still snickering away in his seat. Lowering your hand, you were happy to listen to the two exchange their own puns from that point forward, more or less picking at your food.

Eating in front of people had always made you feel a bit weird. Finally glancing across the table, you blinked. Gaster was watching his sons with the first hint of emotion he'd shown that evening. Something akin to contentment, peace; though his expression melted back into a stoic state the moment he noticed you watching him. Turning red again at your own rude manners, your gaze dropped back down to your plate. A third-eaten pork chop, some of your potatoes, but a good half of your salad was eaten. Mentally resolving to finish it later instead, you leaned back in your seat to relax. The calm atmosphere was...nice. Even if you were still very, very on edge about the head of their little family.

Dishes were cleared away, and you permitted the brothers to give the bones to Lucifer. Putting plastic wrap over your own plate and setting it in the fridge, you quickly got started on washing the dishes. You could do that, at least. Thankfully, you weren't stopped from doing so. Good, you wanted to do your part, else you risked coming off as terribly lazy. Which you were, sometimes, but definitely not when it came to keeping your home clean. "So, have you guys decided on whether or not you'd like to move in?" It was an innocuous enough question, looking up as you rinsed one of the plates and set it in the drying rack. Both brothers fell silent, Sans shrugging and gesturing towards Gaster with his thumb, "that's up to pops."

From his relaxed position at the dining room table, the man slowly sidled his gaze back to you. It was...unnerving, you decided, the way he looked at you. Sans and Papyrus were alright, they didn't frighten you. But you still couldn't shake the feeling that there was something inherently wrong, dangerous, about this monster. "This home is...acceptable. We will be joining you. Prepare any paperwork as quickly as possible, I would like for us to be settled in as soon as we can be." He struck another sour note with you, phrasing it as a command and not a request. But still, you held your tongue, nodding as you finished washing the dishes. "I can have that ready for you by tomorrow morning, if you three would like to drop by again. I'll give you yours keys then, too. Ah—uhm, but for now, can we go ahead and go over my house rules?" Bracing yourself with Lucifer for a moment, you walked around the island counter and stared expectantly at the trio.

At the nod from Papyrus, shrug from Sans, and blank stare from Gaster, you exhaled. "Alright, uhm, lets move to the living room. It'll be comfier in there." Flustered and feeling a bit like a nag for it, you lead the way. Somehow, Gaster beat you to your armchair, the two brothers taking up perch on the couch. Shooting him an exasperated look, you stood awkwardly in front of the coffee table, idly scratching behind your dog's ears. It helped with your anxiety, just a little. "Well, um..." Awkwardly starting to fidget, feeling rather small under all three of their gaze, your eyes would fixate on the floor. A bad habit of yours, truth be told.

"First things first. This is Lucifer," you gestured at the German Shepherd, "I call him Luci for short. He is _not_ a pet. He is a working dog and is by all means medical equipment. Do not give him treats, unless I say you can. Do not pet him, unless I say you can. Never, under any circumstance, are you to distract him. He is here for my safety and well being. If you try to get his attention, he might not be able to do his job, and I will be the one that could get seriously hurt because of it. He's a very good boy, and he manages just fine in public with people who're far too rude to care that he's a service animal, but please be considerate of my needs."

"Secondly, I am not your maid. I don't mind cleaning up, I don't even mind doing your laundry for you. But please do your part. I keep a clean home and I would like for it to stay clean. Don't leave socks laying around or anything like that. How you keep your own rooms is your business, but the rest of the home should be kept presentable. Messes make me...anxious, and more than slightly irritable. I will get very, very grumpy with all three of you if my house ends up dirty. I am only one person, I can't clean up after three other people very well."

"Third, do not sneak up on me. In house prank wars are permitted. But never, ever try to sneak up on me or scare me like that. This is for my safety and yours. I'm not always able to keep myself under control. You might end up with a fist in your face if you frighten me. Please make your presence known if you walk into a room that I'm in by clearing your throat or shuffling something around. I cannot stress this enough, do not come up behind me, don't try to get my attention by touching me. This applies to you as well, Doctor." You gave him a deadpan stare, vaguely suspicious that you hadn't seen the last of those extra hands of his in your personal bubble.

"Lastly, the attic is off limits. As well as my bedroom. Of course, you can knock and I'll likely let you come in, but please stay out of the attic. You're all free to do whatever you'd like with the basement. But the attic and my room are both places of personal space for me." Feeling more and more like and overly strict mother, you awkwardly rubbed the back of your neck before moving to sit down on the edge of the couch. "Oh—and, I don't care what you all do in your free time. Do whatever, you're always welcome to have friends over. But please, don't do anything that'll result in the police knocking on my door. I really don't want to be stressed into having a heart attack anytime soon."

Your fingers nervously plucked at your knee length shorts, glancing up through your thick lashes to see how receptive they'd been of your requests. Papyrus nodded vigorously in understanding, Sans gave another lazy seeming shrug—and Gaster just looked outright amused by your house rules. One leg resting over the other, he laced his fingers together, resting them on his knee. "I will be taking over the basement, with my own rules to add in. My sons are already familiar with them. You are never to enter my room unless I invite you in, do not knock unless you must. The basement, much like your attic, will be entirely off limits unless I take you down there with me. I am a researcher, after all, I will move my equipment in there. You might not like what you find." It seemed to be both a threat and a warning, one you took with a tiny nod and wide eyes.

"I prefer for things to be kept quiet at night. I think best during the dark hours, and I prefer for my thought process not to be disturbed by any sort of obnoxious noise. I expect respect and shall give it so long as I receive it. Any guests who visit should be made aware of this before time. I am not...the most forgiving of beings." The sneer that graced his features was there and gone again so quickly, you almost thought you just imagined it. "I will make you aware of anything else on a need to know basis. That is all. I believe we will be taking our leave for the evening. I'll return tomorrow around ten to sign the paperwork." In a fluid motion, he swept to his feet, leaving the living room and heading down the hall to the foyer.

For as scary as Gaster was, you had to admit he moved with a certain kind of grace. It was almost eerie, now that you thought about it. Papyrus popped up to bound after his father after bidding a cheery goodbye, a 'nyeh heh heh' following him out of the room. Leaning back, you rubbed your face and sighed before taking note of Sans. He'd gotten up, but was standing where you had before. "hey pal. just a warning. try not to step on my pops' toes too much. or you'll be in for a **bad time**." It didn't strike you as a threat, despite how it was phrased. It was a warning. Staring at his grinning face, you slowly nodded your head. You continued to gaze after him as he left, the front door opening and closing, leaving you alone once more.

Your instincts were right. That man...he was dangerous, wasn't he? It wasn't just your mind playing tricks on you, he seriously radiated bad vibes. That knowledge left you feeling queasy, laying down across the couch and nervously gripping onto one of the cushions. Truth be told, you weren't even certain that Gaster _**was**_ a monster. You couldn't explain why you thought that way, it was just a feeling, deep in your gut. Those sorts of hunches were always right when it came to other people. He just wasn't right, there was something dreadfully off about him. But the way he had been looking at his sons before surged to the forefront of your thoughts, causing a bit more conflict to mull over.

He obviously cared for them. Even if he was...creepy. And a bit cold. Also very bossy and not particularly a kind seeming individual. Expression contorting with your inability to decide on how to feel about him, you got back up onto your feet. You had paperwork to get sorted out for tomorrow, a plate of dinner to finish, and a shower to get taken. No time for lazing about and trying to figure something out you'd undoubtedly learn in due time. On top of matters, you had to consider getting another job, new roommates or not. You wanted to go to college at some point in your life, something you reflected on with a bit of a sad smile. Get a bachelors in biology and head off to med school, make something of yourself, figure out how to help people like you.

It was a far fetched dream and you knew it. Your health was your own worst enemy. And honestly, who wanted a crippled doctor tending to them? A lonely feeling settled in your stomach, wrapping your arms around yourself. Who wanted to be with someone like you, period? These thoughts...nearly always kept you company. But you had friends, a home, a job that you could work from home, a wonderful service dog...part of you always felt bad for the way you felt. For your mental illnesses, for your emotional problems, for your trauma. Sometimes, you felt like you had no reason to be the way you were. The past is in the past, and yet memories still clung to you, shaping your every action. It made you feel weak, like you couldn't even take control of yourself.

Swallowing thickly and shaking off the sudden onslaught of negative thoughts, you continued on.

* * *

By the time you finished with all of your errands, you were more than happy to collapse into your bed. Hair still wet from your shower, you heaved a content sigh, rolling across your bed and wrapping yourself up in your blankets as you went. It wasn't really late, but you just needed to relax a bit. Wiggling down into your cocoon, you fiddled with your phone, opting to start looking at job listings in the city. Part of you worried over it—you already knew most of what you'd find would be more manual in nature. You couldn't handle too much of that sort of thing, but maybe waiting at a small cafe or diner would be doable...as long as the owner would be understanding about your Lucifer.

One particular ad caught your eye, however. Seems some bar named Grillby's was in need of wait staff. That was the new monster owned place downtown, right? You'd heard a lot of good about it. Well, from your friends, anyways. Sighing and untangling yourself from your blankets, you shuffled your way over to your laptop. Might as well go ahead and submit a resume online and hope for the best, right? You might be able to get an interview, or at least a call back. But if it came to an interview, you wouldn't blame the owner if they decided not to hire you. After all, you were a human. And...the majority humans were doing their damndest to oppress monster kind.

Still, you would try to keep yourself positive about it. Who knows, maybe you'd actually get the job. You would probably be able to make a lot of friends by working there, and it'd help just a little bit overall for people to see humans and monsters working together, right? With high hopes in that regard, you got to work on brushing up your resume. Reading it over, updating your references, giving it a little more polishing. Nothing too much, of course, you understood that you really had to sell yourself in those sort of things, but you didn't like to feel dishonest. You felt that was one of your redeeming qualities, actually. Still, with that taken care of, you felt you were definitely ready to go to bed. It'd been a very long evening, and you had an even longer day ahead of yourself tomorrow.

Your thoughts drifted back to the three that'd be living with you. The brothers were alright, in fact, you rather enjoyed their company over dinner. But you still couldn't shake the weird feeling that Gaster had brought with him. He just..didn't feel right. You knew you had no real reason to feel that way, but you just did. None of the monsters you'd met so far had ever given off the same vibe that he did. None of them felt predatory like he did. Though, just like with humans, there were undoubtedly going to be a few less than pleasant ones scattered through the rest of them. You just had to suck it up and deal with it. Maybe you'd find a way to relax around him, possibly even get along with him. Now, you weren't confident enough to say you'd be able to befriend the monster.

That was a huge stretch, lets be honest. Even if he wasn't shooting off a weird aura, he was an esteemed individual. A doctor, researcher, and diplomat all in one. You studied in your free time, sure, and you wanted to be a doctor yourself (though you were unsure on a field; maybe you'd go into infectious disease), but you were far from actually being anyone worthy of talking to in that regard. He seemed like the sort to prefer educated conversation, not idle chitchat about trivial matters. Maybe the best you could do was just stay out of his way, avoid stepping on his toes, as Sans had put it. That seemed like it'd be the best route overall...even if it wasn't entirely satisfying. Perhaps civility and friendliness would come after living with each other for a while, it was hard not to get at least a little close to someone you were under the same roof as. Right? Right.

Yawning widely, you set your alarm on your phone before inching your way back to bed. An early night would do you a world of good, you'd need all the rest you could get if you wanted to be able to handle going over the paperwork with the doctor tomorrow. But hey, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe he'd just been in an off mood today or something. That wasn't the most convincing argument to make, but it helped you to relax a little bit, anyways. You were going to do your best to at least understand him, you owed him that much as a living being. Curling into a cozy little ball, you nuzzled your face down into your pillow, dozing off quickly.

* * *

Unfortunately, you slept straight through your 9:40AM alarm. Fortunately, Lucifer was trained to wake you up. Even if it did take him quite a few attempts to do so. Groggy, you made a garbled whining noise, trying to twist away from his cold nose. He was having none of it, laying on you and nudging away at your face, making a series of excited whines. "Okay, okay..." With your sighed admission of defeat, he hopped back off of your bed, watching as you sat up. Your glasses hung askew off one of your ears, having forgotten to take them off last night. Fixing them with a yawn, you rolled out of bed, stretching once your feet met the floor. Good, you didn't feel too sore today...which was a plus, you almost always were when you first woke.

Running your hand through your hair, you shuffled out of your room in your half asleep state. Your first mistake was not checking the time. The second was not changing into clothes before leaving your room. But it was part of your usual routine, you'd normally wear your pajamas until after you'd had your morning coffee and toast. Your eyes were still closed as you made your way on auto-pilot to the kitchen, mumbling something or another under your breath as you pulled a mug down from the cabinet and turned your coffee maker on. It was probably one of your favourite appliances, being a nice Keurig one. It didn't take all of a minute for the water to be ready to go, popping a single serve cup into the top and waiting on it to fill up.

Still half asleep as you fetched your coffee creamer, it wasn't until you were half way through your mug that you finally noticed him. Shrieking, you jumped, dropping your mug onto the floor. It shattered, sloshing lukewarm coffee all over your feet and ankles in the process as you stared, bug-eyed, at the monster leaning against the counter across from you. "I—what? I didn't—how did you get in? I didn't give you the keys last night, did I? What—" Your startled rambling was cut short by the bored look he fixated you with. "You left your backdoor open. Are you aware of what time it is?" A cold feeling twisted through your stomach, hands shaking. Was he scolding you? You felt like he was scolding you.

"My alarm was set, I... must've slept through it..." You stole a glance at your microwave and winced. 10:34. Lucifer must've had a really hard time getting you up. "I'm...I'm sorry, I don't...I'm..." The words you wanted to say just wouldn't work, tongue feeling oddly heavy in your mouth. Great, you felt like you were going to start panicking. Just what you needed to do. Blinking back tears, your gaze dropped to the floor before you slowly crouched down to start plucking pieces of glass up. "Lemme j-just get this and...and I'll go grab the paperwork from my room." Your face felt hot, taking in a shaky breath to try and calm yourself down. This was nothing to cry over. Mistakes happened all the time. Even if this mistake had meant making a rather scary being wait for over half an hour. One that had just let himself into your home willy-nilly.

Though, it was his home, too. The paperwork just hadn't been signed yet. Still, a sharp hiss pulled from your lips as the pad of your thumb slid over a sharp edge. Pulling it back, you stared at the scarlet stream that steadily leaked down your palm, dripping onto the floor. Resolutely refusing to cry, you ignored the stinging pain, scrambling to pick the rest of the glass up, only managing to gain more and more slices all over your hands. Eventually, a set of translucent hands closed around your wrists. The glass was plucked from your grasp and thrown away, another pair picking the rest of the mess up. Lower lip trembling, you outright refused to look up at him.

You kept messing up. You hadn't been able to get dinner made on your own the previous night, you overslept, and now he was cleaning up your mess because of your incompetence. Shame churned through your veins, nausea gripping your stomach. There was no stopping the few tears that managed to escape your brimming eyes, though you quickly squeezed them shut and willed yourself to calm down. Without offering any sort of fight, you allowed those disjointed hands to hoist you up onto your feet, silent as the other tended to your wounds. Where he'd found your first aid kit, you didn't know, nor care, simply standing with grit teeth as each one was cleaned and your hands covered in bandaids. Thankfully, it wasn't too restrictive, giving your aching fingers a few experimental wiggles. Good, you needed your hands.

"...sorry. Thank you. I'll...go get the paperwork now." Still, you couldn't bring yourself to look at him. Why would you? With last night and now this combined, you already knew he'd manage to look completely condescending despite that stoic face of his. Shuffling back to your room, you had the decency to change into nice clothes for the day before grabbing the stack of paper. Taking a deep breath to calm yourself (and taking your meds before you forgot), you returned to the dining room as quickly as you could. Sitting down across from him and placing a pen on the forms, you kept your gaze on the table itself. "Just look through that and if everything's to your liking, you can go ahead and sign. Ah...the other two, if they're both of legal age, they'll need to sign as well..."

Nothing more was said as he went through it, and you leaned back in your seat. "I will be back later to give this to you. Sans and Papyrus will need to sign it." He tapped with a skeletal finger on the table before getting to his feet, taking the paperwork with him as he straightened up. Only then did you manage to glance at him, both relieved and moderately stung the monster wasn't even looking at you. "Okay. Um, I'll...go ahead and give you the keys." Rising yourself, your legs felt oddly numb with your embarrassment, meandering out into the foyer. A drawer in the side table near the front door was pulled open, and three keys were carefully given to him. Part of you wondered if Gaster had ever had a problem with being given something and...well, having it fall straight through the holes in his hands.

You wisely held your tongue and opted not to ask. "I really am sorry about oversleeping." He paused at the door at your words, glancing back at you. If he had eyebrows, you were almost certain one would be arched. "I'll...make sure to set my alarms really early from now on, so Luci will have enough time to get me up..." Idly, your fingers ghosted over said dog's head. "Good." You could've sworn his smiled had momentarily grown, but he was gone before you could really tell. Instead, you stared at the door, walking up to it and opening it just a tad to watch him pull out of your driveway. There was no stopping your giggle, a hand moving up to cover your lips.

It figures that something as tall as he was would drive a convertible. Still, his reaction to your apology was quite something. Perhaps he was the sort that was more appreciative of mistakes being corrected than simply saying sorry. It'd make sense, given what you'd seen of his personality so far. Shaking your head and closing the door, you opted to go around the house, opening up all of the windows. It was still just as beautiful out, it'd be good to air the place out and get it completely ready for your new roommates. Something Lucifer was glad to help with, scampering around and picking up the odd thing on the floor and either bringing it to you or putting it up. You wouldn't know where you'd be without him, really. Even if you weren't too sore, you didn't want to jinx yourself by overexerting yourself.

Laundry was done, and hung up outside on the line to dry, with Lucifer handing each piece of clothing up to you from your basket. You'd grown up in the middle of nowhere in the south, which had played a part in why this place had appealed to you so much. Aside from its great location, the farm-house style and large front and back yards felt familiar. You had learned when you were younger that it was just plain wasteful to run the dryer when you had a perfectly beautiful sun that could get the job done. And really, you preferred how your clothes smelled after hanging to dry. With your empty basket in hand, you and your dog would come back inside. "Good job, Luci, good boy." Patting his head, he was rewarded with a treat for his help.

The dishes, dry from the previous night, would be put away again. And with the early noon hours upon you, the chicken you'd planned on before was made and shredded, though you'd defrosted a few more as well to have more to work with. Chicken fajitas sounded better than chicken salad. Humming under your breath, you pulled your phone out and got some music playing as you turned back to your task. You weren't sure when the others would be coming back, but you still made sure to make enough for all three of them as well. Seasoning away, a smile pulled at your lips as the sound of George Thorogood filled your kitchen. Your hips swayed as you quietly sang along, adding a few saucier motions in for the hell of it. Why not? You didn't often feel good enough to dance, and you really needed to let yourself have fun more often.

" _Now, I knew a gal, her name is Lindsey-loo  
She told me she loved me, but I know it ain't true.  
Put on your madison shoes,  
Put on your madison blues shoes.  
I've got the madison blues,  
Now put on your madison blues shoes.  
Oh-h-h-h, yeah~!"_

Your body moved along to the guitar that followed, all smiles. There couldn't possibly be any better slide guitar than in some of his songs, but then again, you thought similar things of everything you listened to. It all depended on your mood. A throat being cleared caught your attention, blinking and looking back over your shoulder. With your worries earlier long forgotten, you were far from being embarrassed about being caught singing and dancing. Instead, you smiled nice and wide at the three. Dancing your way across the kitchen, you pulled a few things from your fridge. What were fajitas without some nice, homemade salsa?

"Lunch is almost done, if y'all care to join me for it." You hummed, fetching your cutting board and a knife. Papyrus immediately lit up; and he also took over cutting tomatoes and everything else for you. You didn't bother trying to stop him, just grinning and thanking him for it, turning the stove on low to let the chicken simmer in its spicy bath. Turning, your dancing steps brought you over to Gaster. Sure, you were still scared of him, but as you plucked the finished paperwork from his hands, you grinned. "Now you have to deal with me. And my dancing." With the good mood you found yourself in, you almost wanted to try pulling him into dancing with you. You'd done that a few times with your previous roommates. Those sorts of days were always the best ones.

But then again, you rather liked your bones unbroken. Besides, knowing you, this brief moment of happiness was nothing more than another mood swing. You'd likely be right back to quiet depression and anxiety by nightfall. Maybe the risk of broken bones was well worth it, you cherished these moments, these brief episodes where you felt alive. Disregarding how it made your battered hands ache to do it, you set the paperwork down on the counter and grabbed both of his _real_ hands, tugging him into the more open space of the dining room. A laugh bubbled from your lips at the look he gave you, swinging your hands together, "dance with me. It's a right of passage in this house. You have the honour of being first, don't blow it." With a wink, you tried to prompt him into dancing with you, vaguely aware that Sans was having a fit trying not to laugh.

Your playlist was on your side, beaming at the next song that came on. Little Richard's _Good Golly Miss Molly_. Part of you was waiting on the man to break your wrists and be done with it, though you were caught completely off guard when he seemed to roll his eyes before placing one of his hands on your waist, the other gripping your hand. And you were both bouncing about, moving together in sync. While you couldn't dance often, you still did; and there was nothing you loved more than all sorts of swing dance. Laughter spilled from you as his hand left your waist at one point, twirling you out and pulling you back in. If you didn't know any better, you'd say he was enjoying himself.

How could someone not, though? Good music, the smell of food being made, all the windows thrown open to let a warm breeze flow through the house—it was warm, and everything was alright. Still, it was over soon enough. And you weren't going to complain, your leg was throbbing, as was your arm. Smiling up at him, you patted his arm before stepping away. Only to pale and stumble, catching your on the table. Oops, you overdid it. Still, you were pleased, limping back to the kitchen. You missed the contemplative look the tall monster sent after you, helping Papyrus with the salsa. The shortest of the skeletons would send a sideways glance at his father, his never wavering grin widening a bit more.

Maybe this was the sort of change he needed. That they all needed. Someone like you would help them settle into living on the surface. None of it felt real just yet, there was always that worry in the back of all of their minds that Frisk would be forced to reset. Something was needed to make this time line feel more...stable, for them, for him. You were unaware of Sans' thoughts concerning you, but even if you had known, you'd understand. Feeling grounded was never easy, settling in after big changes was tough. Sometimes a friendly face made it easier.

You let Papyrus set the table and carry everything over for you, mostly because you were slowly becoming more and more aware of how much you'd overdone it with your playful episode. Having to use Lucifer to get back to the table, you let out a relieved sigh as you sat down. You'd need to take a painkiller later, but for now, you would have lunch with your new roomies. Sitting back and waiting on the three to serve themselves first, you leaned forward to make your fajita. The music from your phone cut off momentarily with an alert sound, and blinking, you slid it out of your pocket. An email, it didn't seem like spam...chewing on your lower lip, you opened it up.

Only to fist pump and let out a victorious sound, startling Papyrus into dropping his food back onto his plate. "What happened?" Nosy and curious, the tall skeleton leaned over to try and look at your phone. "I have a job interview tomorrow." You set your phone down on the table, feeling pleased with yourself. For as horrid as the day had started off, it was turning out wonderfully, now. "Really?! Do you need interview training?! I, The Great Papyrus, am a _master_ at interviews!" He puffed himself up, and you were hard pressed not to start giggling. "I think I got it, but thank you for offering."

It really was turning out to be one of the best days of your life.

 **an:** _ayyyy i did my best to make this chapter longer. and maybe a little better. something i forgot to mention in the previous AN; i will eventually go into depth about how gaster is, you know, in existence. it'll be later on, though. much later on. there'll be quite a lot of drama coming up soon enough, possibly even in the next chapter. enjoy the feel good mood while you can B]  
please do leave a review 3 i would love to see what y'all have to say ;u;_


	3. Chapter 3

By the time evening had rolled around, you'd managed to help the two brothers get some of their things set up. Sans seemed to have that covered, after enough cajoling from Papyrus, using his magic. But you still enjoyed doing what you could to make the process easier. Even if that was only unpacking boxes for them, your dancing around earlier had thoroughly wiped you out for the night. You couldn't quite walk without needing to have Lucifer brace between each and every step, but part of you felt it was well worth it. It'd helped ease just a little bit of your fear concerning Gaster. Not by much, no, but it still alleviated just the tiniest sliver.

You hadn't bothered offering to help the patriarch of the skeletal family, with his ability to summon so many extra pairs of hands, it wouldn't surprise you if he was already long since done with getting settled in. Then again, you weren't sure. The last you'd seen of him, he was bee lining for the basement to get his lab space set up. Maybe he was one of those workaholic sorts. It wouldn't really surprise you, given his personality. Sitting back on Papyrus' bed to give yourself a break, you smiled a bit as he spread a variety of action figures out across his bedside table, chattering incessantly to you about each one. Despite being taller than you, he really gave off a younger sibling vibe a mile wide. It was easy to see why Sans kept an eye on him.

Yawning and covering your hand with your mouth, you winced as you got back to your feet, leg and arm throbbing. At least neither was swollen or discoloured. RSD was hardly ever that kind to you. "You got the rest, Papyrus? I think I should go take a bath and lay down for a while." Part of you felt bad, knowing you wouldn't be able to make dinner. But you had to put your health first. "Nyeh heh heh! Don't worry, I, Papyrus, will have my room perfected by tomorrow!" Making a small hum of acknowledgment, you patted his arm on your way out, relying on your dog quite a bit. "While I'm still thinking about it, you can bring it up with Sans yourself," you really didn't have the energy to talk it over twice, "if you'd guys like, you can throw a house warming party and invite your friends over this weekend. I'll help get the house ready tomorrow for it after my interview, then all of Saturday will be fine."

The sound of him dropping a box startled you, but not quite as much as the lanky skeleton picking you up and giving you a rib crushing hug. "Really?! We can?! Nyeh heh heh! I'll make the tastiest of spaghetti for it! And I suppose I will allow you to help with cooking as well! Rest assured, I don't need any assistance! But of course, I can understand if you would like to spend time with me, the coolest of the monsters, Papyrus!" Laughing softly, you nodded, though internally grateful his embrace was around your torso and yet not your arms. "That sounds like a plan. Would you...mind putting me down, now?" He blinked owlishly at you before issuing another one of his odd laughs, depositing you onto your feet. "We'll plan it all out together tomorrow. Don't forget to talk to your brother and father about it, too. Goodnight, Papyrus." Nodding your head at him and leaning on Lucifer, you both made your way to your room.

Thankfully, you had an ensuite bathroom, heaving a sigh and stripping down once Lucifer had closed your bedroom door behind the two of you. Dropping your clothes into your laundry basket, you limped your way in, flicking the lights on and getting a bath drawn. Nice and hot, and you didn't shy away from dumping a healthy amount of bubble bath into the running water, either. It was your favourite; smelling heavily of cherry blossoms, it always helped you relax when your body was feeling as terrible as it did right now. Sitting on the edge of the tub, you watched the bubbles form, fingertips reaching out and ghosting over the thick, almost-foam like surface. Satisfied it was full enough, the water was shut off, and you slid in.

Warmth immediately surrounded your body, and you heaved a sigh of relief, relaxing back against the tub. It was so nice...you were grateful for the deep, claw-footed thing. Most normal baths weren't nearly big enough for your long legs to rest comfortably in, much less be so completely covered up. Head lolling back against the porcelain edge, your heavy eyes closed, breathing slowly and deeply. Your thoughts wandered, mulling over the long day ahead of you tomorrow. What sort of monster was the owner of that bar downtown? Were they a nice monster? Would they understand that you needed your Lucifer to be by you at all times? But, knowing what you did, you knew you had no reason to worry. Monsters, in the end, were far more understanding than humans were. Some people speculated that they needed to be loving, compassionate—all sorts of good traits, to even survive.

Sinking down a bit deeper into the water, you let your neck remain under for a few moments before straightening back up, bubbles clinging to your jawline. Reaching up with your bubble covered hand, you gingerly took your glasses off, leaning over to set them on a small stand beside the bath. Humming a short tune and closing your eyes once again, you completely submerged yourself and ran your fingers through your hair. You weren't really dirty, otherwise you'd have likely taken a shower before your bath, but you still ghosted your fingertips all about your body, imagining that nonexistent filth was lifting away with each touch. Breaking the surface and taking in a few breaths, you shook your hands a bit before wiping suds away from your eyes so you could open them.

Relaxing back to your original position, you yawned widely, staring up at your ceiling.

You didn't get out until the water had gone cool, the bubbles long since dissolved.

* * *

By some stroke of luck, you woke with your alarm the following morning. Bright and early, but you felt well rested. Groaning and sitting up, you threw your blankets off of yourself before swinging your legs off of the side of your bed. Sitting on the edge for a minute, it took Lucifer ambling over and bracing for you to get up onto your feet. A grimace played at your lips, you were still in pain from the previous day. But that was alright, you'd felt far worse before and still managed. Limping heavily over to your closet, you took a long moment to think about what you wanted to wear. From what you could tell online, the restaurant and bar wasn't overly formal. You'd feel silly if you showed up in a suit.

Settling on a blend of casual and formal, you tiredly grabbed a white blouse and a black pencil skirt from your closet. Formal enough to be taken seriously, yet not so formal as to come off as desperate for the position or anything like that. Dropping the clothes on your bed, you shimmied out of your pajamas, yawning the entire time. Wiggling into a pair of black pantyhose, the skirt was slid into easily enough. You were thankful that it zipped up the side as opposed to the back. Still topless, you meandered into your bathroom, drowsily fumbling with your hairbrush. Next came brushing your teeth and putting on deodorant before you managed to get back into your bedroom.

Struggling with getting your bra on for a few minutes, you were about to give up on it when you finally got it clasped. The blouse was far easier, even if it made your stiff hands ache to work with all those buttons. Sliding your feet into a pair of black pumps, you yawned yet again before plucking your glasses up from your bedside table. You didn't need to bother with makeup, you were blessed to have a naturally adorable face. Besides, with how tired you felt, you'd probably end up stabbing your eyes with your mascara if you tried. Sitting down on the edge of your bed, you softly called Lucifer over, petting his head for a few minutes. "Luci, remind me to have my coffee before I try getting dressed in the mornings." You knew he couldn't understand you, but you giggled as he licked at the inside of your wrist all the same. "We have a big day ahead of us...gonna need you to be a good boy today, okay?"

He sat still, forever obedient, as you slid his vest onto him. Bright red and each side baring, in bold white letters, 'WORKING DOG' and directly under that, 'DO NOT PET'. Of course, that hardly ever stopped from people from trying to reach out and touch him. Said people often got angry at you for asking them not to touch your dog. Lips pressed into a thin line, the next thing you took care of was his bracing harness. It was easier than having to lean down to get your hand to where it needed to be, you just thought the harness looked a little silly. But you always used it in public, it was safer for both of you that way. Deciding against having him backpack for you today, you grabbed your messenger bag and slung it over your good shoulder. "Alright, Luci, let's rumble."

Getting to your feet and wincing, you were grateful for his assistance in walking, making your way to the dining room. Despite how early it was, Gaster was already in the kitchen, making himself a cup of coffee. Muffling a yawn as you opened the backdoor to let Lucifer go out before you had to leave, you ambled in and grabbed a mug of your own from the cabinet. "You get settled in alright last night? Sorry I couldn't help much..." As he shifted out of the way to grab the creamer, you put your mug down and popped a fresh single serve cup into your Keurig. "I did." You glanced his way as he lifted his coffee to his lips, blinking owlishly and staring in fascination as that black smile thinned to a line and shifted into a normal looking mouth, taking a long draw from his cup.

Noticing your staring, he fixated you with a deadpan look over the rim of his mug. Cheeks turning red, you busied yourself with adding creamer to your own coffee. "A-anyways, uhm. I told Papyrus it was alright if you guys wanted to throw a house warming party tomorrow and have your friends over. If I'm feeling well enough, I'll help get the house set up when I get home later. Ah, since I'll be in town anyways, is there anything you'd like me to pick up from the store?" "More coffee creamer. I do believe you just finished the rest of it." With that said, the tall figure ambled off again. You assumed he retreated back down to the basement. Sighing and furrowing your brows, the empty creamer carton was dropped into your recycling bin before you set to stirring your coffee.

It didn't take you long to completely drain it, calling Lucifer back inside and closing the backdoor behind him. "Ready to go, Luci?" Patting his head and idly resting your hand on his harness, you both made your way to the foyer and out the front door, pausing momentarily to grab your car keys. Now, your car was your baby. Your pride and joy. A reason to get up in the mornings. Honestly, anyone would adore your car, if they knew what a good car was. It was a 1967 Dodge Charger, one you'd worked very hard on, and adored with all of your soul. The exterior was a dark plum purple, your interior all white leather. Most of it was all the original interior, just reupholstered as needed. Smiling in a smug fashion, you would open the passenger side door first so Lucifer could jump in before moving around to slide into the driver's seat.

Buckling up, you enjoyed the drive into the city.

* * *

Parking across the street from Grillby's, you took a moment to try and relax in your car. Breathing deeply, eyes closed, until you felt like you would be able to walk in without fainting. Checking your reflection in your rear view mirror, you got out on shaky legs, stepping around the front of your car and waiting for another to pass before letting Lucifer out. Hand resting on his harness handle, you both crossed together, heart pounding wildly in your chest with anxiety. Your hands were shaky as you reached to open the bar door, though as soon as you stepped in, someone else bolted out around you. Blinking as you glanced to the side to watch the panic stricken man flee, you looked forward just in time to be greeted with a flying bar stool. To the face.

While the patrons had originally been sounding their approval when you first came in, that quickly became hushed when you fell flat on your ass, stool over your legs. Seeing stars, your hand left Lucifer's harness, fingertips touching at your bleeding nose. Well, it was far from the first time you'd been struck by flying furniture. But at least it was an accident this time. "Damn it, kid! Why'd you get in the way of that punk?!" You were vaguely aware of a rather intimidating scaly woman towering over you, though you were still dazed from being hit directly in the face. There was an odd swell of heat, and she quickly backed off, an orange, flaming hand pulling the stool off of you before being offered.

Blinking to try and focus your vision, you accepted it, moderately surprised that it wasn't even remotely hot. It was more warm, and far more solid than you'd have expected it to be. Pulling your hand away from his, you risked a glance up at him, double taking. He was...tall, and made entirely of fire, yet his glasses remained perched perfectly on his face. His hair, at least that's what you assumed it was, flickered and wavered between shades of yellow and white. "I, uh...thank you." Your hand returned to your nose, wincing before abruptly pushing it back into place, missing the several grossed out shivers that went throughout the bar at the sickening crack it made. It had to be done or it wouldn't heal right, anyways, but you still were a little squicked out yourself as it began to bleed even heavier.

Taking the offered handkerchief and pressing it to your nostrils, your free hand would reach over and grab onto Lucifer's harness yet again. "I, uh, would you happen to know who the owner is...? I'm supposed to be here for an interview, bloody nose or not." A smile pulled at your features, and the fire elemental before you flickered in amusement. "...that would be me. I assume you're [Y/N]?" Grillby's voice was...it was hard to describe. It held the same warmth of a crackling fire, faintly hissing and popping, yet it was deep and smooth all at once. Ethereal, almost. Your heart skipped a few beats, blinking at him owlishly before finally coming back to your senses. "Oh, yes, right, that's me." Mollified, your gaze dropped to the floor. What a way to meet your potential boss.

As everybody settled back into their own business, the raging fish woman being dragged back to her booth by a timid seeming yellow monster, the bartender gestured for you to take a seat at the bar itself. Nodding, you relied a bit on your dog to make your way over there. As you slid up into a stool, Luci laid at your feet, ever watchful. Reaching under the bar, a first aid kit was pulled out, the man pulling a few things out. "Oh, gosh, no, it's alright, I'll be fine. It's not my first broken nose, I'm sure it won't be the last, I already set it, it's okay—" You couldn't help but feel like you had already blew your chances of working there by taking a stool to the face the second you walked in. After all, you were just coming off as a bad luck magnet, now.

But he fixated you with what seemed to be a stern glance, popping and sizzling quietly, and you relented. Lowering your hand and the soaked through handkerchief from your nose, he set to gently cleaning the blood from your skin, smoothing some sort of strips across the bridge of your nose to hold it in place. With something of a blush, you tried not to focus on how warm and gentle his hands were, opting to stare somewhere over his shoulder. You weren't exactly already crushing on the guy, of course not, but it was rare for someone to be...gentle with you, or to tend to your wounds like this. Thoughts drifting back to Gaster and his treatment of your hands, your neck felt oddly warm. Monsters were going to be the death of your affection-deprived ass.

When he stood back from you, you glanced up at him. Awkwardly clearing your throat, you rubbed at the back of your neck with your free hand. "Sorry for getting blood all over your handkerchief." It was an awkwardly mumbled apology, guiltily glancing at the ruined fabric. "...it's fine." Plucking it from you, the man threw it away for you. Standing to the side of you after clearing away the first aid kit, he rested his elbows on the bar, watching you. "So, uhm...I suppose we should go ahead and get this over with, yeah?" Managing a smile, you folded your hands in your lap, vaguely aware that the top of your blouse was splattered with little red droplets. He seemed like he was about to reply when the same fish woman from before dropped herself into the seat beside you. "Hey, punk, sorry about that back there. That guy was eyeing my girl up, you just got caught in the crossfire." She flashed you a smile full of yellow, jagged teeth, and you found yourself unable to really be too upset about it.

"Don't worry about it, I'll just make sure to duck whenever I come in from now on." Giving her a smile of your own, you inclined your head in greeting to the reptilian monster that sat down beside her. "I've never seen a bar so busy in the morning hours, this is really quite nice." You remarked, more to yourself than not as you turned back to Grillby. He flickered slightly at the compliment, seemingly smiling. "...people enjoy relaxing here." He turned, picking a glass up and wiping it down with a white cloth, glancing back at you. "...do you have any experience working in a bar?" It was a simple enough question to start off with, if only to confirm what you'd had on your resume. "I don't, but I've worked in a cafe before." A maid cafe at that, not that you'd ever admit to that part of it.

Nodding, he set the glass aside. The rest of the questions seemed to be more specific towards how you'd work in his bar. How to deescalate a situation before people started brawling, what to do in certain situations, how to treat customers, so on and so forth. The man seemed pleased with each of your answers, though one did make you feel nervous. "...is your dog a service animal? If he is, what tasks does he aid you in?" His tone was serious, and you became nervous. It'd really put a damper on your day if your disabilities resulted in this job flying out of the window for you. You really did like the atmosphere of the bar, how friendly everyone seemed...you wanted to work here. Glancing away from his face, your fingers nervously twisted at the hem of your blouse.

Sensing your discomfort, Lucifer sat up, resting his head against your knee before your anxiety got the best of you. "He is. For the most part, he helps me with balancing and things like that. He lets me know if I'm going to faint, and he can usually warn me when I'm about to have a dizzy spell. And he also acts as a buffer, so people won't bump into my bad side...he'll pick things up for me, things like that. The rest is, er, for some, uhm...mental issues." Like hell you were going to go off into that huge list. You didn't want to be treated like you were crazy for things that were so beyond your control. No one asked for trauma, no one asked for psychosis, and you didn't want to be treated weirdly for it. Thankfully, he nodded, pleased with your answer.

"...when would you like to start?"

* * *

Needless to say, you were thrilled as you and Lucifer made your way back inside. Humming jovially, you'd almost completely forgotten about your roommates until you walked into your kitchen. Sans was, again, sitting at the island and eating some sort of...cat shaped hotdog? Papyrus, on the other hand, was amiably making some sort of spaghetti at the stove. "G'afternoon." Your tone was a sweet chirp, opening the fridge and putting the creamer you'd picked up for Gaster away. "hey." The shorter of the two gave a noncommittal wave, taking another bite of his weird hot dog, whereas Papyrus seemed rather into his cooking. Going and letting your dog out, you'd move to take the stool beside Sans.

"So, about how many people should I expect to come over tomorrow?" Leaning your elbow on the counter and your chin in your hand, you joined in with watching the youngest skeleton work. "uh...a few. might be a... _full house_." He winked at you around yet another mouthful of food, though paused to stare at your nose. Noticing his pointed look, you gingerly touched it, vaguely aware of the fact it was undoubtedly bruised and your soiled blouse. "Oh, yeah, I took a chair to the face before my interview. No big deal, it was an accident. Mr. Grillby doctored me up just fine." Idly swinging your legs, you glanced back away from Sans. Before he could say anything else, you quickly added "I really couldn't _chair_ less about it." At his snickering, you hoped the incident was pushed from his mind.

"So, give me a roundabout figure. I need to know how many snacks I should make." You plucked an apple up from the fruit bowl in front of you, sinking your teeth into it with a pleased hum. "around nine or so, maybe a few others." The rest of his snack disappeared into his mouth, and you had to refrain in asking just how a skeleton actually ate. Wouldn't it just fall right through him? "You weren't kidding about the full house thing. Alrighty, then. I'll cook a bit and try to get some cleaning done...I have a few really fun games, so I'll make sure to take those out. And some dancing game for my xbox, that's always fun. Uh...gonna guess that not all of them are legal, but I guess I could still make some jello shots for the ones that are..." Vanilla vodka and black cherry jello shots were, unfortunately, one of your many, many weaknesses.

Quickly lost in thought about what you would make, you didn't even notice as Papyrus' spaghetti abruptly burst into flames. Not until the smell of smoke hit your nostrils, looking up in a panic as the taller skeleton panicked, flapping his hands at the fire. "heh. man, pap, you're really _smokin'_ today." Sans made a fingergun motion at him while he let out a strangled groan in response, and you were quickly sliding off of your stool and limping as quickly as you could into the kitchen. "U-uh," panicking, you slammed a lid over the pot, heaving a sigh of relief as the fire died down. "Good job, human! That was merely a test to see if you knew proper kitchen procedures! I, the Great Papyrus, was simply giving you a chance to shine!"

Refraining in your urge to roll your eyes, you patted his arm. "Thank you, Papyrus." Still, you would go around the kitchen, pulling out what you needed to start getting things made for tomorrow. "Hey, you mind doing me a favour?" You glanced at the flamboyant skeleton, smiling as he perked up. "I'll get started cooking, if you wouldn't mind going around the house and making sure it's clean for tomorrow?" "Of course! It'll be spotless by the time I'm done!" Watching him bound off, you would settle into your own tasks. After a while, you noticed Sans fast asleep at the counter. Muffling a giggle, you slid the jello cups into the fridge before shifting over to the slumbering skeleton. Carefully bracing under his legs with your good arm and wrapping the other around his back, you would carry him to the living room.

You didn't notice the black and white eyes following you across the hall and into the room, taking note of your gentleness in laying him down and putting a cushion under Sans' skull. Pulling the fleece throw blanket off the back, you laid it over him. Quietly as possible, you limped back to the kitchen, wincing with each step. Part of you regretted sending Lucifer outside to play, you needed the support. In the foyer, you had to stop, leaning against the wall heavily to rest before you tried to make it back to the kitchen. A subtle throat clearing caught your attention, glancing up as Gaster made his presence known. "How was your...interview?" He pointedly stared at your nose, expression amused. Bitterly, you wished you could wipe that smugness off his face.

"It went great, I start Monday afternoon. I got more creamer for you, it's in the fridge." Not wanting to give him any chances to start making any sort of underhanded comments, you pushed away from the wall, hobbling your way back to the kitchen. Unfortunately, he followed you. "No making me sit down." You warned, stopping by the back door to let Lucifer back in. "I wouldn't dream of it." He sneered, and you noticed his empty coffee mug in his hand. Of course, he was just refueling on caffeine. Rolling your eyes and murmuring a brace command, you made your way back to the kitchen with a small degree of difficulty, ignoring the man fixing his coffee in favour of getting back to your snack making. Plenty of finger foods and things of the like that'd keep well in the fridge over night. It'd save you a lot of work tomorrow, after all.

You had to bite your tongue to keep yourself from issuing a vexed groan as sets of disjointed hands promptly took over putting the multiple platters away in the fridge for you, turning to fixate him with a glower. "I can do it. Stop taking over. This is _my_ kitchen." You couldn't help but cross your arms over your chest with an irate huff. "The last I checked, this was also _my_ kitchen as well." His snark wasn't lost on you, seeming to find enjoyment in the fact you finally allowed yourself a childish sort of whine. "I hate you." A petulant note crept into your voice, at which he simply laughed. "I'm sure you do, _child_." Sighing harshly, you turned and defiantly made your way back out of the kitchen.

You were _**not**_ going to indulge him.

* * *

The next day came more quickly than you would've liked, groaning and making all sorts of complaints as Lucifer set to waking you as your alarm began blaring. You had it set to noon, which gave you three hours to finish getting set up before your guests were due to arrive. Rolling groggily out of bed, you had to take a painkiller before you even bothered with taking a quick shower and shaving. Seeing as it was a party, you felt no guilt in picking your favourite little black dress for the day. But it was still your home, so walking around barefoot appealed far more to you than matching it with heels. You still sat down at your vanity and applied a bit of makeup all the same. Nothing major, but dramatic.

Winged eyeliner (which you had to redo about five times before it looked nice), mascara, and a dark purple matte lipstick. Looking yourself over before giving a satisfied nod to your reflection, you slid your glasses back on before getting to your feet. Petting Lucifer, you both made your way back downstairs. A giggle escaped you to see Sans still asleep on the couch, being as quiet as you could as you opened up the cabinet under the table your TV and gaming systems. Going through your games, you pulled out a few that were party friendly, laying them down on top of their respective consoles. You fetched your extra controllers while you were at it, checking to make sure they were all good on batteries.

From there, you'd look through a closet off the foyer, pulling out board games and things of the like. Stifling a giggle, you wondered if there'd be any other adults you could rope into a drunken game of Monopoly. That'd be fun. Despite your anxiety, you were actually...rather looking forward to meeting all of their friends. Still, the painkiller had fully kicked in by that point. Despite feeling a little dizzy and out of it, you were feeling alright, letting Lucifer out and meandering your way into the kitchen. Humming jovially, you considered your options for something more filling than snacks. You could just order pizzas, or you could make some. Homemade pizzas were always better. Definitely healthier than the grease soaked things you could have delivered.

Pulling up a dough and sauce recipe on your phone, you got to work (but not before putting your apron on for once; you didn't need your dress getting dirty before the party even started). It was easier than you'd expected it to be, pleased as you put cloths over a few different bowls of dough and left them to rise. Staring at them, you tapped on the counter for a few minutes. Maybe you'd save that for when people started arriving? Then everyone could help with picking out toppings and actually making them, now that you had the hard part out of the way. That seemed like it'd be really fun, well, it's something you'd like to do. Turning away from the dough and washing your hands, you flounced your way into the living room. Okay, so, maybe 'out of it' was putting it lightly. It wasn't like you were on any sort of weak painkillers, it'd been a percocet. But at least you'd be pain free and in a wonderful mood when everything really got going.

"Time to wake up, sleepybones." Crouching down beside the couch, you idly poked at Sans' face. Giggling when he groaned and swatted your hand away, you straightened back up. Just as the front door opened, Papyrus coming in and pausing by the living room on his way to the kitchen. "I picked up some chips and dip! Those are excellent party foods!" You nodded in agreement, chuckling. Part of you wondered if all the food that'd been made would even all get eaten. But then again, there were nine other people coming over, and that'd make thirteen people total. "Good thinking. I have some pizza dough set aside for later, I think it'll be fun to have everyone pitch in with putting the sauce and toppings on before baking them. Hey, Papyrus? Once you get the chips and stuff put up, would you mind waking Sans up for me? I want to run the vacuum cleaner one last time and rearrange the furniture a bit, but it'd be rude to wake him up with all that noise."

It seems Papyrus had no issue with rude awakenings, however. Or maybe that was the only way to wake Sans up, as when he came back, he abruptly tossed the blanket off of his brother and yanked the pillow out from under his head. "Wake up, Sans!" Lightly smacking him with it, the older skeleton would issue sleepy protests before finally sitting up, his usual grin in place. "yo." He inclined his head towards you as he got to his feet, bony hands resting in his pockets. "Good afternoon, sleeping beauty. Sorry we had to wake you, I need to finish some cleaning, and I didn't want you to be startled by any loud noises." The shrug he gave in response implied just how much he would've cared, or perhaps he would have managed to sleep through it. Either way, Papyrus dragged him off, chattering about needing help with one of the puzzles in the morning newspaper.

Shaking your head at the two as they went upstairs, you settled into cleaning, throwing all of the windows open again. You wanted everything to go perfectly for their family today. It was important that they got settled in, they they were comfortable. After all, in a world that still feared them and hated them to some extent, they deserved to feel safe in their own home. Idly thinking about whether or not Gaster would actually join you all later on, you contented yourself with your busy work.

Three in the afternoon rolled around a bit quicker than you expected.

With the first knocks at the door, you straightened yourself out, and went to answer it.

 **an:** _ayyyy, this chapter is a bit shorter than i would've liked. but i couldn't fit the party in as well without it getting ungodly long. there will be angst next chapter, prepare yourselves for it. things cant be nice all the time, after all. besides, i plan on dragging this fic out for a while. slow burns are my favourite, ahaha. there'll be quite a lot of drama and even some fear / hatred before feelings will even set in for the reader concerning gaster, much less the other way around. but i promise it'll be well worth the wait. as always, please do leave a review. i love reading what you all have to say, and it motivates me to get things done quicker!_


	4. Chapter 4

**Warning:** _This chapter contains a mental breakdown. Consisting of self hatred, anger, themes of disassociation, and a flashback. CSA is implied but not directly stated._

* * *

Opening the door, you weren't sure whether to look up or down first. Deciding with up, your eyes settled on a rather tall goat-like woman. "Ah, hello! You must be here for Sans' and Papyrus' party, please, come in you two—three." Your correction came quickly upon noticing that the flower in a small human child's hands did, in fact, have a face. Said face was staring at you with a wide smile, but something about it put you on edge. "O-oh, right, I'm [Y/N]." As you stood aside to let them in, the furred monster simply chuckled, petting your head.

"I am Toriel, young one, and this is Frisk." She patted their head as well, the child beaming up at you. "Frisk, huh? That's a cool name, kiddo." You crouched down to be eye level with them, smiling warmly. "And what's your name?" The idle swaying of the thing's yellow petals was almost deterring, combined with the uncomfortable false-cheery grin. "Howdy! I'm Flowey, Flowey the Flower!" It took more self control than you thought you had not to make a sly remark about his name, simply nodding. "It's nice to meet you, Flowey." Might as well stay civil until you had a real reason to be on edge, right?

"The pleasure is all _**yours**_. Really. It is." That damned smile never once wavered, despite the insult he just hurled at you. Frisk's expression bordered on exasperation, frowning at the potted flower. "I suppose so." Well, at least this creepy monster was forward in his insults, unlike a certain doctor slinking around the basement. Straightening back up, you would show the trio to the living room and the dining room, before excusing yourself to go fetch the two skeletons from upstairs. Leaning against the threshold of Papyrus' room, you grinned to yourself.

Sans was sitting lazily on his bed while the other paced back and forth, newspaper held up to his face, seemingly stuck on the crossword. "Sans! What is a seven letter word for a purse?" "Handbag." You chimed in, effectively getting both of their attention. "Some of your guests have arrived, guys, come on downstairs." Pushing away from your perch, you lead the way, barely catching the way Sans noticeably tensed upon noticing Frisk's petal baring friend. "heh, brought the weed along, huh, kiddo?" His bony hand reached out to pat their head while he glared silently at Flowey. The child gave a sigh, seemingly off-put by the less than warm greeting the skeleton had given the flower.

Not that you blamed him. That flower was a jerk and deserved every bit of it. While their small group settled into warm conversation, with the occasional barb added in from Flowey, you ambled your way to the kitchen to grab drinks for everybody. You had to stop in the foyer on your way back to let more people in, blinking and immediately feeling nervous when you were met with the grinning face of that angry fish lady from before. "Hey, punk!" Her greeting was loud, one of her hands resting on that same timid monster's shoulder from before. "H-hi, uhm, please come in." Stepping back and giving the two a wide berth, you flashed the tiny lizard woman a grateful smile when she closed the front door for you.

Upon returning to the living room, she and Papyrus immediately engaged in one of the weirdest hello's you'd ever seen. There was lots of yelling, Undyne grabbing the skeleton around the middle and looking ready to suplex him while screeching about slacking off on his training. Sans flicked all of the couch cushions under the duo, eye and hand glowing a faint blue, shoulders sagging in relief as Papyrus laughed loudly. "Nyeh heh heh! Perhaps you are the one slacking, that didn't even hurt!" Deciding to pardon yourself before you possibly bore witness to your living room being destroyed, you went to settle down in the dining room.

Rubbing your leg, you sighed. The pain was creeping back up on you again. It hadn't been long enough for you to take another percocet, but you'd double dosed and worse in the past before. A few minor hand signals, and Lucifer was obediently trotting off to fetch the bottle for you. It wasn't long until more people showed up, Toriel being the one to come and let newcomers in. The sound of conversation and laughter was nice, but you knew if you tried to join in just yet, you'd end up tiring yourself out. Humming, you leaned back in your chair, thoughts drifting to Gaster. He didn't strike you as the sort to enjoy social gatherings. But part of you wanted to see him and that flower engage in a snark war. You let your eyes close for a few more moments until Lucifer was back, nudging at your knee before dropping your prescription bottle into your waiting hand.

"Good boy." Voice soft with praise, you lightly scratched behind his ear before opening it. Popping another into your mouth and swallowing it dry, the lid was replaced, and you gave it to him to go put back up. Eyes closing yet again, you decided to wait, hoping the ache that had been creeping back up on you would dissipate for a while longer. A sigh pulled from your lips, eyes still closed as you leaned over, massaging your leg a bit. At least you could tolerate that, and that was really saying something. Dizziness hit you as the percocet kicked in, teetering right off the edge of your seat. Yet, much like before, the floor didn't greet you.

Instead, something nice and warm was bracing you, having caught you and hoisted you up onto your feet. Feeling hazy, you relaxed against it for a minute, mumbling an almost incoherent 'thank you'. Just until you recognized the vaguely familiar crackling and popping noises that accompanied this smoky scent. Face turning red, you hurriedly took a step backwards. Only to yelp as you tripped over your own feet, nearly falling again if it hadn't been for Grillby's exceptional reflexes. The deadpan stare he gave you was enough to quiet you before you could even start complaining about it. Still, you would keep space between both of you, his palms resting just under your elbows as your own fingers gripped his upper arms.

"Sorry, forgot that I shouldn't take painkillers on an empty stomach." Percocet was not your friend right now, you decided. An amused look flickered across his glowing features, slowly sitting you back down before giving a pointed look to the admittedly impressive spread of snacks you had set up on the dining table. "...yeah, I should probably have something." Growing more embarrassed by the second, you refused to look at him, and he seemed to catch on to your discomfort. With one last stern look, he grabbed whatever he had come in for before returning to the living room so you could eat a few things in peace. Part of you felt guilty for not joining everybody else, especially after you went through the trouble of putting on a dress and a spot of makeup.

Your gaze shifted over to the dough, ready and waiting. Maybe that'd be a good way to break the ice with whatever monsters you didn't know yet. Unsteadily getting to your feet, thankful as your dog made his way back to you, you relied on his help to safely navigate your way to the living room. Only to pause, staring at how many people were there. So many. There were two goat monsters there now, Mettaton himself, a timid seeming ghost off in the corner...plenty of others. Your silent presence was eventually noticed by one little Frisk, the child scampering over to you with a smile. Their gaze fell on your dog, signing something up at you. "I don't know sign, kiddo...if you're asking to pet Luci, you can, but just this once." Ruffling their hair and melting at the child's delighted smile, you left the two of them be to limp further into the room.

Anxiety set in and you found yourself setting down out of the way instead of bringing the little pizza idea you'd come up with up. Every time you'd try to open your mouth to get everybody's attention, you froze, and looked back down at the floor. It was nicer just to listen to everyone have a good time. But it turns out you didn't have to bring it up at all, Papyrus pulling you to your feet. "[Y/N] had an excellent idea earlier! She made pizza dough and sauce, but hasn't made the pizzas! So that we can all decide what to put on them! I think it is late enough now to do that, yes?" You couldn't deny the hopeful glimmer in his gaze, smiling. "Of course." From what you knew of the exuberant skeleton, he'd likely take over one to try and make it a spaghetti pizza.

There was some excitement about the whole idea, and your face turned red as you lead the way back into the kitchen. "I'll, uhm...prep the dough, so, uhm...you guys can brainstorm ideas on what you'd like to put on them." Face flushed and feeling timid under the group's expectant gazes, you pulled one bowl of dough closer to yourself. Your work space was given a quick dusting of flour, smoothing it down so you wouldn't have any awkward pockets of it clinging to your dough. Putting it down, you started by carefully working your fingers over it. Turning it from side to side. Just until you had the crust adjusted. Now came the fun part, and the reason you were sure they were still watching you as they all chatted.

Picking it up, you carefully balanced it on your curved fingers over both hands. Carefully, you began tossing and twisting, working it into a bigger and thinner disk. Once it was successfully about right for a medium sized pizza, you laid it down over a baking sheet. "Excellent job, darling!" The robot across from you gave an encouraging smile, but you only felt rather humiliated by it. That guy had his own cooking show, this was probably as easy as breathing for someone like him. Face turning red, you gestured idly at the other bowls of dough, and where the sauce was for each pizza. "So, uh...that's how you do it...I'm sure Mr. Mettaton can help if any of you have any trouble. I need to go step outside for a bit."

You were feeling crowded, and you didn't exactly want to have an anxiety attack because of it. And while you wouldn't admit it, the second painkiller was hitting you much harder than the first had. Your thoughts were hazy and your body felt oddly tingly, and if that feeling got any more intense, you'd end up a giggly little drugged mess. In all honesty, you hated it. You hated how painkillers made you feel. Smoking a joint, sure, but a narcotic high? No, it wasn't something you liked at all. Either way, you wanted away from the group, and you were starting to crave a cigarette. Frisk stopped you by the door, smiling disarmingly as they offered the flowerpot up to you.

Its occupant cut you a look, but you honestly didn't have it in you to say no to the kid. Once you'd taken Flowey's pot, they bolted back to the others, eager to join in the fun. Stepping outside, you exhaled a breath you hadn't realized you'd been holding. "I don't like any of them, either." Your guest provided snidely, and you rolled your eyes. "I like them all very much, I just need to take breaks from people sometimes. Consider yourself special, I let Frisk pawn you off onto me." Padding across the porch, you set him down on the table you had out there, plucking your pack of cigarettes up from it after. Sitting down and leaning back, one was placed between your lips, lighting a cherry and taking a deep drag.

"You're disgusting."

His jab didn't bother you, and you were polite enough to turn your head away from him as you blew out a steady, wispy stream of grey. "Helps with stress, my friend." It honestly did, though you knew you really should work on quitting entirely. You only felt the need to smoke after too much social interaction. But you had a feeling that once you started working, you'd be back to going through a pack a day. Bummer. Cigarettes weren't cheap. Flicking ash away, you tried to relax back in the metal outdoor chair. Unfortunately, it seemed Flowey wasn't quite done with you just yet. One green leaf folded across his stem, the other resting under what you assumed was his chin in a mock thoughtful pose.

"It's easy to tell why you're stressed. No one _**wants**_ to spend time with _**you**_ , so even being around people who _**don't care about you at all**_ tires you out!"

What he was doing wasn't lost on you. He was intentionally trying to get a rise out of you. Arching an eyebrow at him, you took another drag. "Sure, let's go with that. Y'gonna continue to psychoanalyze me or can we both enjoy this break in peace?" His words had hurt, but you certainly weren't going to give him what he wanted. There was nothing he could say that you hadn't already been told before. Nothing that you probably hadn't already thought of yourself, either. Your reaction was clearly not what he had expected, though he wasn't deterred in trying to discover some sort of weakness in you.

Each insult was met with dry sarcasm or a witty comeback, detaching yourself from the situation. Some of what came out of his mouth was downright vile and cruel, and you laughed at and agreed with the worst ones. The fact he couldn't piss you off was only pissing him off instead. Which, you weren't gonna lie, you were getting a massive kick out of. Finally, he simmered down, watching you with a haughty expression. A simple smile was on your own face, putting your cigarette out in a little glass dish set on the table. Your hands folded in your lap and you closed your eyes, lazily letting your shoulders slump, relaxing a bit before you had to get up to go inside.

" _ **Man, you're really fucked up, huh?"**_

That did it. You were cruel to yourself at the best of times. But never that. Your eyes snapped open, training on him as your expression finally betrayed something other than bemusement. "I'm not." You weren't. Sure, you had some issues. Everybody had issues. Having issues didn't make you fucked up. It didn't. Besides, all he was doing was trying to get a reaction out of you. And you'd gone and given him one, now. You just had to ignore him again, that's all. That jab was just a one off, just one little tender spot. Being called fucked up...was the same as being called broken, irreparable, a burden—all of those things associated in your head.

"Haha, but you are. _**Look at you.**_ Sitting out here with _**me**_ when there's a party inside. You could be _**in there**_ , but we both know why you _**aren't**_. You know you aren't _**wanted**_. Play it off as anxiety all you like, because you know the truth, deep down inside. They're all _**friends**_ , you're just some outsider. Funny how none of _**your**_ friends are in there. _**But maybe you don't have any.**_ None that would come spend time with _**you**_ , I bet they all had other plans today, huh?" He was swaying in his pot, seeming positively delighted as you shrank back in your seat, chest aching and feeling hollow as your gaze lowered.

"You think those monsters in there _**like**_ you? Please. They can't be anything _**but**_ nice. Literally impossible for most monsters! Nah, if anything, _**they pity you**_. Man, you're so beyond the point of garbage, _**your own kind doesn't even want you**_. Trying to get buddy buddy with the monsters to make up for that? _**Pathetic**_ , you're just _**pathetic**_." By that point he was fairly cackling, reveling in your silence. Tears blurred your vision, refusing to look up at the cruel little thing. Taking in a shaky breath and willing yourself not to start breaking down, not to disassociate just yet, you rubbed at your eyes before getting to your feet.

"Your life must be terrible, Flowey. Misery _does_ love company, but I don't care for _yours_."

Unable to keep your voice from shaking, you picked his pot up in trembling hands, ignoring his stunned silence. Upon coming in, several stunned looks were given to your tear stained face. You knew your expression was distant, you were barely managing to hold onto what reality you had left; you were on the fast track towards a full psychotic breakdown. And you didn't want to be around any of them for that. Or ever. You didn't want their pity. You were a strong person. You survived. You **PERSEVERED** , no matter what. Silently setting Flowey down on the dining room table, you thought you heard yourself murmur a goodnight before you took off up the stairs, ignoring the calls for you to come back. You couldn't handle this. You didn't want to.

They could all keep to themselves. That flower was right, all they felt for you was pity. You didn't have any real human friends. Monsters were always nice, no matter what. You'd just read too far into it. Of course you did. How could anyone like you? You didn't even like yourself. You hated yourself, you just managed to handle it better some days. Lucifer was whining like mad at you, sensing the meltdown coming on, and he was trying to get your attention. But you ignored him. Strolling by your bedroom, you continued down the hall until you could reach up, pulling the cord that lowered the ladder up into the attic. Sniffling, you were aware that your shoulders were shaking with sobs, when had you started crying?

Harshly yanking the ladder back up and closing the trapdoor, you crawled over to the small, slotted window at the far end of the attic. You had a massive beanbag chair set up there, and you allowed your body to collapse into it. Curling into a ball, you cried. And cried, and cried, and cried. You were trying so, so hard to get along with everybody. Sure, your health was an issue, and it was clear you had problems all across the board. But you were so good at managing it all! You really were. And yet, you believed that Flowey was right. None of them saw you. They just saw some lonely, miserable little wretch, and couldn't in good conscious turn you away.

Even Gaster, you knew he didn't like you. But he still helped when you were trying to do things you knew you couldn't do. Monsters really were compelled to do right by others. A miserable wail bubbled from your lips, arms crossed over your chest, hands gripping your upper arms. You didn't care as your nails bit into your skin and drew blood, that stinging pain was all that kept you teetering on the edge between being somewhat grounded and falling into that place of mental nonexistence. Some part of you wanted to disassociate, to give in and let yourself crumble to absolute pieces. You didn't want to move. You didn't want to see any of their faces. You wanted to be left alone, all alone, to stay in your place of isolation until they all forgot about you.

* * *

Lucifer, pawing at the ground anxiously below the attic door, abruptly turned and went back down the stairs. As per his training, he needed to bring someone to you. But everyone was far too excited in the dining room, raised voices and yelling, one of them giving a twisted laugh as the child stood protectively in front of him. No, none of them. They weren't calm enough, they'd make it worse. Ears lowered, he trotted down the hall and to the basement door. Rearing up on his hand legs, his paws pushed the handle down, and he quickly descended.

With the help of magic, it seems the basement had been quietly remodeled. Bright lights hung from the ceiling, the once wooden floor now white tile. Fixtures that weren't there before added; various lab equipment and metal tables. But he wasn't here to investigate. His trainer needed help. The dog's claws clicked across the tiled flooring, coming up behind a busily working Gaster and whining at him. Stiffening, the tall figure looked behind himself and down at the dog, silently scowling. Unperturbed, Lucifer whined again, pawing at his leg.

He could guess at why the dog was there. With the ruckus upstairs, it was clear as day something had happened. And it seems his landlady was the one that was hurt for it. Heaving an annoyed sigh, his hand passed over his face before he got to his feet. A simple twitch of his fingers later, and his current project was held in a state of magical stasis until he could return to it. Aside from not being a social creature, he had avoided the gathering as a whole for a reason. Wherever Frisk went, that _**abomination**_ came with them. His lip curled into a sneer, Gaster was far from impressed by what Alphys had done with it. It was, quite possibly, one of her biggest fuck ups. Aside from the whole amalgamate issue, of course. The fact that someone as incompetent as her had taken his place...well, it left him doubting Asgore's decision making abilities. At least _**his**_ crowning mistake had only impacted himself and Sans.

Getting back up onto his own feet, Lucifer quickly trotted off, pausing and looking back every so often to ensure the monster was still following him. Once back on the ground floor, he could clearly hear the yelling match going down in the dining room. Bitter amusement curled through his system. Of course, they would all be more preoccupied with that little _**weed**_ than with checking on the _**victim**_. Typical hero complexes they all had. And naturally, that meant his work had to be interfered with, because they were all too incompetent to do the right thing. His footfalls were silent as he followed your dog up the stairs, and he paused by your bedroom door until he noticed him standing at the end of the hall.

His gaze shifted up, noticing the trap door that led up into the attic.

* * *

You bodily stiffened, still choking on tears as you heard the trap door opening and the ladder being lowered. Sitting up the best you could, you gripped one of the small pillows you had piled around the beanbag, throwing it as hard as you could at whoever was coming up. You couldn't see through your watery eyes as to whether or not it hit, angrily seething, _**"go away!"**_ The last thing you wanted was any more of their pity. You didn't need that. If they didn't think you were deserving enough to be their friend, then you didn't need any of them. It didn't work, you could tell whoever it was, was coming closer. Another pillow was grabbed and flung, and that one was caught.

Blinking rapidly as your chest heaved with panicked breaths, your hands rubbed at your eyes to try and stem the flow of your tears. In the brief moment you could see again, your expression twisted into anguished disdain. Of all people to come to you, it had to be him. The monster you were positive detested you just as much as that mean little flower downstairs. His approach continued, and as he got closer, you pressed back further into your beanbag. Sniffing and trembling, you whimpered as he came to a stop right in front of you, looming over you. "Leave me alone! D-Don't make me hu-hurt you!" Why couldn't he just go away? Why did he care? He had his stupid basement to go hide in, why was he in your attic? "I'll do it! Go away!"

You flinched as he leaned down, hands braced on either side of your shoulders. His tone was dark, slightly amused, face hovering inches from yours, "I'd like to see you try, child. Stop throwing a tantrum and be good." You didn't know what it was that led to you lashing out. Instability, yes, but the fact that he still talked down on you, even when you clearly couldn't handle any more of it...your hand swung, fingers curled into a fist, and collided with his jaw. It hurt like hell, his head was surprisingly hard (though, you should have expected that). Still, his face jerked to the side with your burst of anger, slowly turning so he could look down at you.

His bemusement was gone, replaced with something cold; it sent terrified shivers down your spine. Sans' warning from before drifted hazily through your thoughts. Instinctively, you curled into a tighter ball, knees against your chest and arms curled around your head. And you bawled, unable to stop the frightened sounds tearing from your throat. He was gonna hurt you, he was gonna hurt you, he was gonna hurt you—you wanted him to go away, leave you alone, he was gonna hurt you, you knew that look. That look was bad, that look meant bad things were going to happen to you again, no, no, no, no—

Several pairs of hands abruptly set to forcing your body to uncurl, and he leaned back as they did. "No, no, no, I'll be good—no, no, no—" Where were you again? You forgot, you couldn't tell, you were back in that tiny room again, you were little. He was gonna hurt you. You couldn't see, why was his face blurred? Despite the fact he was clearly causing a flashback, the man continued until you were splayed across your beanbag chair. His hand reached down, and you stilled, wanting to scream. _Who? Who...where were you? Why, why, why—_

Gaster abruptly froze as you sobbed harder, trying to thrash away again, _**"daddy, no! I'll be good!"**_

Perhaps force hadn't been the best way to go about this at all. But now it was all the more imperative he calmed you down. Fingertips hovering over the center of your chest, the twitched and curled, slowly coaxing a faintly glowing heart from your skin. _What was that? What was going on?_ It felt weird, you couldn't move your body— _what was going on?_ The researcher in him was transfixed the moment your soul had popped out of your body, gazing at it with a curious expression. It was clearly supposed to be purple, a soul imbued with **PERSEVERANCE**. But it was sickly looking, translucent and riddled with a web of cracks. Could mental illness truly tamper with a soul to such an extent?

Terrified, you were frozen in place, eyes wide and yet unseeing. Your chest was heaving with each rapid breath, pupils dilated and skin breaking out into a sweat. But as he cupped it in his hands and lightly brushed his thumb over the mottled surface, you felt a comfortable warmth spread through your body. "That's a good girl. Just calm down." His touches were careful; it was nothing intimate. It all came down to intent with soul touching, and his intention was to sooth you, to help you. The next touch had your tense body sagging back into the beanbag chair, breathing slowing. _Who...?_

The doctor was surprised by how receptive you were, perhaps the fragile state of your soul played a part in that. Over the next few minutes, your body relaxed more and more until it was limp. Your tired gaze finally settled on him more clearly, murmuring, "Doctor Gaster...I'm sorry. I'm really sorry..." With the state of tranquility he had you in, you couldn't do much else, but tears did sting your eyes. Regret, mostly. Your anger had got the better of you, and then you had lost control. And he was the one that had to deal with it. Guilt was clear as day on your face, and he silently rubbed a soothing circle over your soul in response.

"I am familiar with how trauma works, child. Don't apologize." His previous experiment was put out of his mind, far more interested in the nearly broken soul in his hands than anything else. "I am assuming that weed managed to find a weak point." It wasn't a question, he already knew. Wincing, you nodded your head, not even noticing that his extra hands had yet to leave your form until one floated up to gingerly readjust your glasses for you. "Can you let go of me, now...? I won't hit you again. I'm sorry..." You were so tired, you just wanted to go change into pajamas and go to bed. "I will, but I have a proposition for you, first." Another stroke, pulling a comfortable sigh from your lips.

"My specialty, as it were, is in souls. And yours is...interesting." You couldn't tell what he meant by interesting, and you weren't sure you wanted to know. "I will do this as frequently as you like, I can even induce...other feelings. In exchange, you allow me to run a series of tests on your soul. Some may hurt, I will not lie to you. But I feel, perhaps, I may be able to learn from it. You may heal more in the process as well." A soul so thoroughly damaged but still in one piece? **PERSEVERANCE** undoubtedly played a large role in it, but he wanted to know why. He wanted to know what was keeping it glued together. Was it sheer human will? Was it just the type of your soul? Was it something else? He was burning to know.

Knowing that even if you declined, he would likely find a way to force your soul out again and run his little experiments anyways, you simply nodded. Part of you knew you should be afraid, that you just agreed to something terrible, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. You were just so tired...and at least, in this way, you would really be worth something to someone. His extra hands vanished away as your eyes closed, and you missed the feral smile that graced his features. The man was excited at the prospect of tampering with your soul, but you couldn't even begin to grasp the enormity of the situation. You hadn't even had the energy to react to the fact that was your soul he was holding.

"Good girl," his baritone voice was a sickening coo, petting and rubbing away, "just go to sleep." He seemed far more interested now that he had free reign over your very being. But really...you just didn't care anymore. Though he had calmed you down, something inside you was broken. You weren't sure you could feel anything, really. Flowey's words had left their mark. Still, you obediently dozed off, breathing evening out into a slow rhythm. More pleased with himself than anything, your soul was pressed back into your chest, and he left you alone in your attic as he went back to his basement.

* * *

 **an:** _it's all down hill from here for a while my friends. there's going to be quite a lot of suffering. the next chapter might be a bit heavy on the angst side, but i'll make sure to lighten it up as often as i can without disrupting the plot line. the unhealthy bond forming between researcher and subject is absolutely necessary and will lead up to quite a few things. as always, please leave a review! i rather like getting them. and again, reviews are what keep me updating._


	5. Chapter 5

When you stirred again, no more than an hour could have passed, judging by the light still filtering in through the window and the sound of the party back to full swing downstairs. Muffling a yawn as you pushed yourself into an upright position, you rubbed at your eyes with the heels of your hands, body feeling better than it had in a long while. Troubled, your thoughts slowly shifted to Gaster, and you shuddered. Was it too late to try and take any of it back? But still, you knew nothing would stop that monster if he found something to zero in on.

Groggily, you got to your feet, padding your way across the attic. Time to go rejoin the others. Well, after you freshened up. Climbing down the ladder and patting Lucifer's head, you shuffled into your room, sitting down at your vanity. Sure enough, crying had made your mascara run down your cheeks. Pouting, you grabbed a make up wipe from its container, rubbing it vigorously against your cheeks and over your eyes until your skin was clean. A fresh application to your lashes later, and you were making your way down the stairs, pleased that everyone sounded like they were having a swell enough time. Sure enough, when you came into the living room, both Frisk and Mettaton were preoccupied with Dance Central. All theatrical and having the time of their lives by the looks of things.

A warm smile pulled at your lips, pointedly refusing to look at the flower left in the corner as punishment as you crossed the living room. Avoiding the flying limbs from the dancing duo, you quietly sat down on the arm of the armchair, beside Grillby. That seemed like the safest spot, and it isn't like he was relatively chatty. You didn't have to worry about any awkward sort of conversation with him. Even if your feelings were still incredibly stung and you had your reservations about all of them, the fire elemental was your boss, you'd be somewhat sociable with him. What you hadn't expected was the warm hand to gently settle on your knee and give it a comforting squeeze.

Blinking, your gaze dropped down to him, though your expression softened at the concern he somehow relayed with his flickering and soft pops. "...are you alright?" He asked quietly enough to not bring attention to either one of you, something you were incredibly grateful for. Not trusting yourself not to end up blubbering again if you spoke, throat tight with the man's soft inquiry, you managed a nod. Returning the gesture, his hands returned to his lap, watching the spectacle before them. Frisk was, surprisingly, winning by a landslide thus far, a determined look set on the child's face. You had to stifle a giggle at the look, wishing you had your phone with you so you could take a picture of the scene.

"I'm going to go grab a drink, would you like one?" You had leaned over slightly, keeping your voice a murmur. At the incline of his head, you slid off of your perch, silently padding your way to the kitchen. Pausing as you opened up one of your cabinets, you vaguely considered the fact you should have specified what kind of drink you were talking about. Shrugging your shoulders as you fetched two tumbler glasses and dropped a few ice cubes into each one, turning and wrapping your fingers around a decanter of your favourite whiskey. Top shelf stuff, but you figured you'd earned a drink after tonight. Each glass was filled a bit past the halfway mark before the topper was put back into place, carrying both glasses back to the living room.

The fire elemental inclined his head towards you as he accepted his own drink, taking a small sip and savouring the flavour with a pleased flicker. Your own lips quirked into a smile at his reaction, though you opted to meander your way back to the dining room with your own. Snickering as you made out the sound of Alphys and her over excitable girlfriend taking over the television for anime, you slid your backdoor open, Lucifer following you out onto the porch. The seat you'd taken before was reclaimed, and you heaved a sigh as you kicked back and relaxed. It didn't really surprise you when Grillby soon joined you, taking the seat across from you.

All in all, you were both rather introverted people.

* * *

The following morning met you with various people sound asleep in your living room, some having decided to stay and have a movie marathon. Not that you'd minded, and especially not now. A smile played at your lips at the sight of the skeleton brothers slumbering amid a pile of their friends, little Frisk at the top. At some point, Flowey had been moved to the windowsill, and he was silently enjoying the early morning light. That made you pause in your quiet steps, watching him for a moment. Was he the same mean little thing that'd reduced you to tears just the night before? Could evil creatures really look...so innocent? He almost seemed child-like.

Finding your resolve, you managed to pick your way through the sleeping bodies, scooping his pot up once you had. "Hey, what're you—" He began, though silenced when you pressed your fingertip over his mouth. Glaring up at you, he made to bite it, but you wisely moved it away from his mouth, carrying him with you to the kitchen. Setting him down on the counter top, you went about fixing your morning mug of coffee, humming under your breath. The look he gave you was of sheer disdain and distrust, glancing about every so often. "You gonna try to put me down the garbage disposal or something?" Snark. What a lovely start to your day.

"No. I'm taking you outside with me to enjoy the morning before everybody wakes up and makes a ruckus." Your tone was quipped, but honest. Coffee in your good hand and his pot tucked in your bad arm, you had Lucifer open the back door and lead the way out. Again, your usual seat was taken, and you gently set Flowey down on the table. Petals shifting, he sneered before taking in a breath, though you cut him off rather quickly. "Save it. You got under my skin once, now I know what your game is. And you won't be able to do it again. Just...enjoy the morning, will you? It's quiet, it's warm, and everything is alright...even if it's just for a few minutes."

Leaning back, you closed your eyes, taking slow sips from your coffee. Flowey was silent, and at the vague rustling of his petals, you cracked an eye to take a peak at him. Pleased to find him right back to his basking, your closed it, enjoying your coffee and the gentle breeze that the morning brought with it. It was nice, you had to admit. Part of you suspected that the creature on your table sorely needed moments like these. Little snippets of time where all you had to do was exist, nothing else, just to live in a moment and to remember what being alive truly feels like. It's in the warmth of the sun, the smell of dew dropped grass, how the wind will caress over skin so lightly it could almost be a figment of your imagination.

Mornings like these...were mornings to live for.

You missed a silently panicked Frisk running out onto the back porch, only to freeze, watching the two of you with a careful regard. They had woken and Flowey wasn't where they put him the previous night, of course their conclusions hadn't been anything kind. It wasn't like the flower had any friends other than them. But he was sunning, and you were silently enjoying your coffee. It was an amiable silence, even if the two of you were far from friends. At the risk of bungling the moment, the child padded their way over, sliding into one of the free chairs at the table. Resting their elbows on the table and their face in their hands, they watched the two of you with a big, goofy grin on their face. Already, they were plotting away, scheming ways to get the two of you to befriend the other.

If you could hear their thoughts, you'd likely laugh. Friendship was unlikely after the meltdown he had intentionally caused the previous night. But civility could be achieved all the same. A hum escaped your lips, finally opening your eyes, though you were staring up at the sky. What a lovely shade of blue...it really was a wonderful day. And you weren't feeling too sore, either! Which meant you could stand to go tend to your garden today, something that had you excited, a smile blooming across your face. You missed gardening...and you were sure you had plenty of weeds you'd need to pull up, too. Wellp, better go get dressed, then. As you sat forward again, your gaze fell on Frisk. Blinking, you made to say something, though stilled at the shushing motion they made towards you. Following their gaze, you stared at Flowey for a long moment before giving a nod of understanding.

As quietly as you could, you got to your feet, your dog helping you inside.

Which, of course, had quickly devolved into making breakfast for far more people than you were used to. Grillby, Napstablook, Toriel (though she was due to pick Frisk up later that evening), and several others had left. However, that still left more than a small handful of mouths to feed. All of which you were sure would be waking anytime now, especially once you started cooking. One pan was full of bacon, and you were making pancakes in the other. All heart shaped pancakes, however. What? You were allowed to take artistic liberties with your pancakes. Some were plain, others you'd press chocolate chips into, some had blueberries dropped in or small pieces of sliced strawberry.

All in all, your kitchen was heavenly amid the smell of cooking food and coffee. "Good morning, Doctor." You didn't even need to look up from your tedious bacon turning when you heard a cabinet behind you open. Glancing back over your shoulder, sure enough, Gaster was fixing himself a cuppa joe. The look he gave you was withering, and you were hard pressed not to give him a cheeky grin in response. "Once you're finished with that, come down to the basement." "Eh? So early? But I..." You wanted to take care of your garden, today. The look he gave you brokered no room for argument, and you looked away, feeling nervous under his intense gaze. "...okay, yessir."

"Good girl. Wear something comfortable and loose." And he swept out of the kitchen at that, taking a drink from his mug as he went. Something of a frown pulled at your features. Was that supposed to be a hint that you'd be down there for quite a while? Or maybe he'd be running physical tests and needed to be able to get to you better? You didn't quite like how either option sounded, but you'd already agreed to being his guinea pig. Besides, maybe he'd do that weird thing again for you afterwards. If it kept you waking up as pain free as you had that morning, maybe it'd be well worth it. Maybe. You weren't going to count your chickens before they'd hatched. Still, as long as you were well enough to not have any issues at work tomorrow, you'd be fine with most of anything.

As you finished cooking, sleepy eyed people began to shuffle about in the living room, waiting with drowsy smiles on their faces. The scene struck you as oddly adorable, giggling as Alphys meandered about the kitchen to fetch her own mug of coffee. Mettaton, naturally, was wide awake and ready to go, posing theatrically at the table. "I'll need to polish myself when I get home, oh—is that a scuff mark?" He stuck his leg out dramatically, staring at the slightest little smudge on his thigh. Setting plates down in front of everybody and shaking your head at their antics, you dodged back up to your room. Right. Something loose and comfortable, but obviously not your pajamas. Shame, you'd stay in your sleep clothes all day if you could.

Settling on a small pair of jogging shorts and a tank top, you sat down on the edge of your bed. Taking in a deep breath to prepare yourself for whatever waited for you in the basement, you reached out, petting Lucifer for several long minutes. "...alright, Luci, we should get going before he gets even grumpier than usual." Unwillingly getting to your feet, the both of you made your way down to the basement. The shift in temperature made you shiver, skin erupting into goosebumps, arms crossing over your chest as your palms rubbed at your biceps. "Jeez..." You were surprised you couldn't see your breath as you took the last step, giving the tiled flooring a confused look. Hadn't it all been something else...? That's when you took note of the drastic change overall. The huge space under your home had been completely re-purposed into a very, very high tech looking lab. "Oh...oh wow." Maybe this is why Gaster had his family move into your home, he had enough room for all his...whatever this stuff was.

Speaking of the good doctor, he was standing a few paces from the staircase, hands clasped behind his back. Noticing his gaze boring into you, you faltered, sheepishly rubbing the side of your neck with your good hand. "Sit." One arm moved and he gestured at a metal table off to the side. Swallowing past your suddenly tight throat, you nodded, quickly scuttling over and doing as told. You were comforted by the fact Lucifer laid down just underneath it. Keeping your breathing calm and even, your eyes remained on the floor, even as he stepped in front of you. Methodically, he went about checking your vitals, not once uttering a word to you.

It made you feel a bit scared, but perhaps that was better than dealing with his usual snark.

"I'll be pulling your soul out again. Sit still." His tone was clipped, and you nodded. Giving his hand a somewhat distrustful look, you did as told, staying put as his fingers hovered over the middle of your chest. A vague coaxing motion later, and you watched with wide eyes as that pitifully glowing mottled heart departed from your being. You hadn't been coherent enough to really look at it before, but now you could...it didn't look very good. "It...looks sick. Is it supposed to look like that?" The web of crack lines in it made you worry, never mind the fact it was night upon transparent. Gaster's mouth twitched for a moment into what you assumed was a patronizing sneer before resuming its usual state.

"No. In fact, it should be in pieces. I want to know why it isn't. It isn't uncommon in humans with...issues, such as yourself. The soul can heal and pull itself back together once it has been broken for your kind, so long as your bodies remain intact." His fingers ghosted around the outside of your soul, turning it this way and that. This whole exchange suddenly struck you as...oddly intimate. After all, that was the very culmination of your being he had at his will and mercy. "I, uhm...you aren't going to...break it, right?" You couldn't help but worry, and it was a legitimate fear in your case, knowing him. The look he gave you was one of bemusement.

"It wouldn't be any good to me broken."

"Oh." Well, now you just felt silly for asking in the first place. For now, it seemed he was simply familiarizing himself with the pattern of the cracks. Eventually, he reached out, intentionally pushing his fingertip along only those fragile places—and your body began to burn in agony. A scream tore from your throat as you fell back onto the table, body arching up from its surface as your hands gripped at its edges. You couldn't see, your vision had gone white, and it was all you could do to pull air into your lungs amid the fire you felt inside your veins.

You were hazily aware of several pairs of hands holding you down, presumably to keep you from hurting yourself with thrashing, and something coaxed into your mouth to bite down on.

The pain eased up after a few minutes, leaving you panting to catch your breath, tears rolling down your cheeks. Whatever had been put in your mouth was pulled out, and Gaster's face was looming over you. "What did it feel like?" He almost sounded excited, like he'd found some big clue. "I'm fine, thanks for asking, jackass." You weren't one to be so cruel, but your nerves were on overdrive, now. "It felt like a usual flare up on a very bad day. Except I had the amazing luck of not blacking out. And it's usually only contained to the left side of my body." Exhaustion pulled at you, making it hard to keep your eyes open, bodily trembling from it all. "Really?" He looked pensive for a moment, standing back and staring at the little purple heart floating over your form. "Interesting...perhaps that ties into it as well..."

When you saw him reaching for your soul again, you flinched and whimpered, trying to pull away. However, his disjointed hands held you firmly in place. "Hush." The doctor's tone held a condescending note, shooting you a look before his hands gently cupped that feeble heart. You squeezed your eyes shut, thoroughly expecting another wave of agony, but instead that soothing feeling from before began to soak into your bones. Your breath left you in a shaking exhale, slumping back onto the table. "I will never take without a little give, be a good girl." Part of you knew you should be angry at him for talking to you the way he was, but you didn't want him to stop whatever he was doing.

It made your pain go away, almost entirely, so you were quiet. What was once red hot was now lukewarm, easing its way through your system. Vaguely, you were aware that one of the hands holding you down had moved, stroking your hair. Sleepily, you opened your eyes, watching him work. His touches were surprisingly calm, simply stroking and rubbing over the surface, though his expression was rather guarded. "Before, you said you could cause other feelings, too...what sort of control do you have over me with my soul...?" You felt silly for asking, but you really did need to know just how deep you were in. "Aside from causing sensations, none." Gaster's answer surprised you, blinking owlishly up at him.

"If I were to touch with the intent of causing true harm to you, your soul would force us both into a fight instead. It's a defense mechanism, one that every soul, regardless of species, has." His explanation was simple, though oddly comforting. Your head lolled to the side as he rubbed along the side of it, content with yourself for the time being. "You're very good at this, Doctor." It was a genuine compliment on your part, one that Gaster took with a chuckle and sneer. "I should hope so. I have studied souls for far, far longer than you've even been alive, girl." Rolling your eyes at his inflated ego, you waited for a few moments before asking your next question.

"So, what sort of sensations? You can make me warm and comfortable, obviously. Could you also make someone cold and achy if you wanted?" That wouldn't count as wishing true harm on somebody, would it? You didn't know. He answered your question by demonstrating, suddenly feeling as though you were shut inside of a freezer. Whimpering at the throbbing ache in your joints, you cast a frantic, pleading look at him. Seeming satisfied with your response, the soothing warmth returned. Some sensations he induced made you feel more inclined towards happiness, others anger, some sadness. It was clear he could influence you like this, but not control you.

Honestly, it was actually really cool, and you were curious as can be.

The hands holding you down vanished after a few minutes, including the one that had been petting your hair before. You brushed it from your mind, almost certain you had imagined it as it is. "There is another thing that comes with baring one's soul to another." He paused, glancing down at you. "It is something I need to experiment with eventually, to see how your soul responds to such stimulation." Sort of seemed like he was intentionally avoiding saying what it was outright. Despite being relaxed and ready for a nap, you fixated him with a deadpan stare. "Out with it, there's no sense beating around the bush, you'd have to tell me soon enough anyways, right?"

"Perhaps I should show you instead."

Carefully regarding your expression, he paused in his absent petting. Slowly, his fingertip would drag over its surface. A shiver raced down your spine and you blinked, uncomfortably pressing your thighs together as you felt a blush creep up your neck. "I, uh...uh...why, uhm...why exactly—ah..." Gaster repeated the motion, seeming to smirk at the way your back had briefly arched and how you firmly kept your knees against each other, unable to explain the sort of pleasurable thrill settling just below your belly. Thoroughly embarrassed, you sat up, face cherry red. "Give that back." You were aware you were pouting, pointedly looking at your soul.

Gaster snickered at you in response, though did as told. You heaved a sigh of relief as your soul disappeared back into the relative safety of your body, and you cut a glare at the doctor. "You're going to try every possible thing you can before you even think about going that route, mister." Sniffing, you slid down from the table. Unfortunately, with everything your body had been put through, your legs felt like jelly and you fell right against the monster. Still, his hands braced your biceps, helping you maintain your balance until you trusted yourself to take a slow step. "Go to bed." He ordered, watching as Lucifer moved out from under the table, allowing you to brace with him.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm on it. I need my rest, I have work tomorrow. You get to watch everybody for me."

"Oh, joy."

* * *

Morning had come a bit too quickly for your tastes, but you wouldn't complain. You managed to wake with your first alarm, giving you time for a long, relaxing shower to wake up with. It'd be your first day on the job, and you were excited for it. You'd get to be around Grillby and learn more about monsters in general! Who wouldn't be excited? Maybe it'd even help you face your fears with your anxiety, being in a busy bar and focusing on your job as a server. Still, after your shower, you ambled over to your bed, where you'd lain your uniform out once you got up. It was almost identical to Grillby's, actually. Except where he had long sleeves, you had a short sleeved blouse under your vest. And the apron you'd be wearing about your waist was there, so you didn't need to worry about that just yet.

Humming as you wriggled into your clothing, you sat down at your vanity, chuckling as Lucifer padded over and set his head on your knee. "I'll let you out in a minute, Luci, let me put my face on first." It was your first day, you wanted to look stunning for it. Make a good impression on the regulars and all that. Blessed with clear skin, you didn't need any sort of concealer, and you weren't going to bother with contouring or any of that stuff. You didn't know how to do that, actually. But as pretty as you were naturally, it didn't matter. You were only enhancing the features you were already blessed with. Were you vain? Just a little bit. But your looks were just about the only thing about you that you did like.

Your lip liner was used carefully, outlining your full lips with a pleased hum, carefully filling them in after. It was a red base if nothing else, picking up one of your favourite lipsticks. A deep red matte, the colour similar to a nice swatch of a rich red velvet material. Not too dark, but not too bright. If you had to describe it, you'd say it was a few shades lighter than black cherry. Needless to say, it was a very flattering and attractive colour. Pleased with how it looked on you, you moved on to your eyes. A simple smoky eye shadow, thick, cat-like eyeliner, and a healthy amount of mascara completed the look. "...I'm gorgeous," you murmured to yourself, sliding your glasses back on and staring at yourself. It really did go excellently with your work uniform, maybe you'd wear your makeup everyday with it.

Heart fluttering in your chest and feeling content with yourself, you'd pick up Lucifer's harness and otherwise before heading downstairs with him. You'd wait to put it on him until it was time to go. Opening the backdoor and ushering him out to go take care of business, you'd make yourself a cup of coffee. But wait. You just did your lips. Internally screaming, you mulled over your options before coming up with a solution. Opening one of your drawers, you pulled a straw out, happily putting it into your mug. Crisis adverted. Not that your lipstick was going to smudge or fade, not with the brands you invested in and the type, but better safe than sorry. Sucking on your straw and delighting in your coffee, you ambled over to the backdoor, watching Lucifer walk around the yard.

The sound of another fetching his own coffee for the morning in the kitchen didn't phase you one bit. In fact, you didn't even look behind yourself as you greeted him. "Good morning, Doctor Gaster." It was only after you spoke did you turn around to look at him. And when he glanced up at you, he paused, staring for a moment before resuming pouring creamer into his coffee, ignoring you once more. Rolling your eyes at his grumpiness, you'd stick your head out the backdoor, whistling for Lucifer to come in. Drinking the rest of your coffee as quickly as you could through your straw, you were gearing your dog up for the day and heading out the door. You didn't want to be late for helping open the bar up for the day, after all.

* * *

You ultimately ended up waiting for Grillby to show up for about ten or fifteen minutes, having arrived far earlier than you thought you would. You'd expected more traffic during the morning rush, but you supposed that this part of the city just didn't get that much of it. He seemed surprised to see you when he walked up, flames flickering. "...did I keep you waiting? I apologize." The elemental inclined his head towards you, seeming to pause just as Gaster had that morning upon getting a good look at you. "Not at all! I was just excited about today and left too early, that's all. And...ah, sorry, is this too much? Should I wash it off?" You gestured at your face, suddenly worried that maybe you'd gone overboard.

"No, not at all. It...suits you, and the outfit..." He seemed to grin as he unlocked the doors, adding cheekily "...it will certainly earn you quite a few nice tips today." Your face turned bright red, reaching out to teasingly tap at his bicep with your palm. Grillby gave a throaty chuckle in response to your embarrassment, and you lead Lucifer in after the man. He gave the floor another thorough sweeping while you took care of pulling the chairs down from on top the tables, getting everything arranged and ready for the day. And you wiped down the bar counter, too, and since there was enough time, you took a can of Pledge to it as well. Staring approvingly at the nice sheen and putting the dirtied rag away, you turned and looked at the other, waiting for your next task.

Dimly flickering as he stepped around the counter, Grillby noticed your quiet gaze. "...it won't get busy until noon, people stop by for lunch. Some will come in for coffee, but not many, and I will handle those..." He leaned against the counter with one arm. "...do what you like until then." Blinking at him, you simply nodded, heading into the back room and looking around until you found the Windex. With another rag in tow, he watched you in a bemused fashion as you set to cleaning the bar's large windows at the front. Inside and out, you were pleased with how much cleaner they looked after. And you did the same to the glass of the doors. By the time you finished with that, the first few monsters (and even the odd human), trickled in for their morning coffee.

Each one was enthusiastically greeted by you, some even returned it, but most gave sleepy nods.

After each left, you cleaned the places they'd sat at and took care of the dishes.

You were looking forward to the lunch and evening rushes, now, this was actually kind of fun.

 **an:** _ayyy so i decided against piling the angst on in this chapter, figured everyone could use a little break first. it'll be coming, maybe the next chapter, or the one after. but it'll be there and it'll hit like a ton of bricks hueheuhue. **as always, please leave a review!** and for those of you who roleplay, i do have a gaster blog on tumblr. the username is whisperingxhands . feel free to drop by sometime!_


	6. Chapter 6

Things had certainly picked up again come lunch time, and you were honestly having fun with it. Sure, you had to rely on Lucifer and his harness once you were having to hustle and bustle about between tables, but you thought you were doing quite well. Taking orders and giving them to Grillby, carrying it back to their tables. Burgers and fries, the occasional beer or otherwise to go with it. It almost surprised you to see a bar so busy so early in the day, and especially for a Monday. But you brushed it off, this was Grillby's, after all.

You were in the middle of wiping one of the tables down when the owner himself came to stand beside you. A warm hand clasped around your shoulder, the elemental crackling and popping for a moment. "...why don't you go ahead and take an hour break?" You knew he was just concerned, you knew your face was a little flushed from all of the activity and you were starting to limp a bit more. "I'll be alright til after the lunch rush, don't worry. I'm not going to leave you to fend for yourself." With a bright smile, you moved on to the next empty table. Clearing away dirty dishes and cleaning it, one hand having to grip the side of it.

Okay, maybe you were getting a bit dizzy and sore. But it was nothing you couldn't handle. You wanted to do really well, this was your first day on the job. It'd be a bit of a blow to your self esteem if you ended up fired for not being able to keep up when you've barely even really started working there. Your boss gave you a long look, sizzling in an almost condescending manner. "Mr. Grillby, I'm okay. Really. Please let me work with you until after the lunch rush ends." There was no point getting upset and spouting off any sort of prideful nonsense, he had an odd way of looking right through you already. "I promise I'll take a break then. Might even have to bother you for fries." You winked at him, and he finally relented with a soft, crackling laugh.

As he returned to his place behind the bar, you went back to your duties. The place was kept clean, customers kept happy and quickly served. It seems Grillby's earlier comment wasn't entirely misplaced, either, you were getting some very generous tips throughout the day, too. But you were still grateful once things had slowed back down, left with only stragglers now the lunch rush had been dealt with. Leaning against one table, you shakily ran a hand through your hair, the room spinning a bit more than you would like. A set of warm hands guided you over to the bar and helped you into a stool, and your own hand dipped down, petting and rubbing Lucifer's head.

"...you're on break until I say otherwise."

His admonishment was gentle, sliding a plate of fries in front of you. Making a face at him and sticking your tongue out, pouting like a petulant child and miffed by the amused snort it earned you, you obediently ate a few fries. With a steadily building ache taking over your body, you reached down, rifling through the small pack your dog was carrying for you. You didn't particularly want to have to take a painkiller at work, but you were on break and you had at least something on your stomach. Besides, better to be fuzzy but functional than in so much pain you'd have to go to the emergency room before your shift even ended. Opening the bottle, you popped a percocet into your mouth and swallowed it dry.

Truth be told, you never did understand why people thought it was weird you did that. Sure, sometimes it wasn't comfortable (like when you had a dry throat), but it wasn't too much different than having water with it. The prescription bottle was put back into place, and you had another few fries under your boss's watchful gaze. "...don't push yourself so hard. I have been running this place alone for a very long time. You don't need to worry about me." His almost fatherly fussing made you sigh, flashing him a tired sort of smile as he proceeded to put a glass of Cola down in front of you. "Well, someone needs to worry about you. All that's way too much for one person, Mr. Grillby. So, I'll worry about you and make sure you don't have so much to do." It was your own sort of admonishment, pleased by the surprised flicker he gave in response.

"...thank you."

"Mhm."

* * *

By the time closing had come around, you'd had to take another painkiller and a short break. Not that Grillby seemed to mind, you noticed he was more relaxed when you took time to make sure you weren't going to end up hurting yourself. He disappeared into the back room to clean up, and you set to mopping the floor. All the tables had been wiped down, the chairs placed on top of them. The only light left on was the row of lights behind the bar counter itself. Bottles reflected dimly, the berth of the bar itself mirrored against the dark window panes.

Glancing back over your shoulder again to make sure it was just you and Lucifer in the main bar, you nervously took in a breath. You liked singing while you cleaned. But aside from what you'd sang while cooking before, you couldn't sing at home anymore. It made you nervous to have people listening. Your voice was a gorgeous soprano, and that wasn't just the typical soprano pride talking. It was well trained, even if you were self taught, and your range was quite wide. Anxiety typically kept you rather quiet about it all the same. Swallowing dryly, you resumed mopping, slow pushes and pulls in time with your breathing.

" _I will keep the bad things from you,  
I will keep a straight face, honey.  
You keep your last name if you want to,  
I will give you all my money."_

Another slow push, a smile curling at your lips as your eyes closed. Vaguely, you were aware the door to the back room had opened and closed again. But guitar chords were playing in your head, drowning out everything else. It was nice, you'd missed it.

" _I can take a plane right to you,  
If I could just stop running.  
What if all this was true?"_

Lucifer shifted from his place by the door, laying down and waiting obediently.

" _I will keep the bank from calling,  
I will keep those bastards from you,  
I will keep your smile from falling.  
This time the casualties were few."_

You'd stopped mopping, just leaning against one of the booths with the handle held in your hands. Head tilting to the side, you took in a slow breath, comforted by the warmth suddenly there by your side.

" _'Cause we kept the bastards brawling,  
We kept our hearts from view,  
This time we're problem solving..._

 _Catch it while you can,_  
 _It's the feel good hit of the summer._  
 _Catch it while you can,_  
 _'Cause there won't be another..._

 _You keep the band names coming,_  
 _I'll make the jokes real funny._  
 _We'll keep the skeptics humming,_  
 _And someone else will take the money..."_

Sighing as you left it at that, you made to continue with your task. Just until a firm hand closed around your shoulder. Face turning red, you turned, blinking up at Grillby. Silently, the flames atop his head flickered and wavered. Taking the mop from you, he gestured for you to sit down in the booth. "...continue." You watched in stunned silence as he took over mopping, and you dumbly sat down, eyes wide. Your blush hadn't faded, throat feeling tight. Whining, you hid your face in your hands, risking a peek at him.

"I can't, it's embarrassing." Well, you just admitted defeat with that. Grumbling and putting your arms on the table, resting your chin on them and watching him mop. His only response was to softly laugh, finishing the quick cleaning and taking care of the mop and bucket. As he came back out, the both of you would step out into the cold night air, your dog right by your side. "Good boy..." Giving Lucifer a treat, your hand rested on his harness handle. "Today was a good day. I'm looking forward to working with you again on Thursday." Watching as Grillby locked the bar up for the night, he nodded in response.

After bidding each other goodnight, you went your separate ways.

* * *

It was well into the early morning hours, and you were still wide awake. Staring at your moonlight dappled ceiling, listening to the clock on your wall tick into the silence. Fatigue pulled at you, but you just couldn't sleep. Your body was in too much pain, and percocet hadn't helped much, now. But it wasn't like you could drive yourself to the emergency room, and the idea of asking any of the three to take you at three in the morning almost made you scoff. Sans was too lazy, Papyrus was likely asleep, and Gaster was an asshole. Wincing as you managed to roll out of bed, Lucifer perked up from his cushion in the corner.

"Stay."

Limping heavily, you crept your way downstairs, barely managing to avoid the squeaky floorboards and stairs on your way down. It was easy enough to navigate your way around your dark home, ambling into the living room. Somehow, your massage chair had survived the housewarming party before. Heaving a sigh, you would gingerly lower yourself down into it. Picking up the remote and turning it on, you adjusted the position of the chair before hitting one of the pre-programmed buttons. Soon enough, your back was being kneaded, and your calves as well. It made you wince just a little, but it would help once your body relaxed into it.

Eyes closing, you didn't notice the tall, skeletal man that stepped into the living room. There was a disdainful look on his face at the noise the chair made, even if it was minimal. Clearing his throat, you jumped in a startled fashion, eyes flying open. "I do believe I made my rules about unnecessary noises at night clear." Gaster's tone of voice immediately put you on edge, but anger drowned that out. "Well, excuse me for not being able bodied. Excuse me for having worked my ass off today. Excuse me for being in fucking pain and trying to get myself relaxed enough to be able to fucking sleep!" Your voice steadily rose with each word, nearly to a shout.

He had taken a step back, clearly not having expected you to snap at him as you did. "You live here, yes. But this is still my home. Treat your landlady with some respect." Irritated, you relaxed back into your chair again. You were in no mood to put up with the doctor's typical snide nature. Not right now. An elongated whine escaped you when several sets of hands promptly lifted you up, the chair being shut back off. "Stop it," it was a grumpy sort of whine on your part, pouting as he absently carried you right back up to your room. A huff escaped you as you were laid back down on your bed, on your stomach. "I'm not a child, you can't just send me to...bed...?" Your drowsy eyes closed, those same hands having moved and were now rubbing at your shoulders and back.

Another set very gently worked on your leg, fingers pressing into the muscle carefully. Humming in a pleased fashion, your body relaxed and melted under his hands, the side of your face pressed against your pillow. "Honestly, child, your entire body is in knots." He huffed, arms crossed over his chest as he watched his summoned hands work. "Yeah, well..." You couldn't really think of anything witty to say in response. "Kinda have to over compensate when half of your body hates you." Lucifer had moved, hopping up into bed beside you. His wet nose pressed against your exposed cheek, and you giggled, an arm moving to rest over him.

Silence settled over your room for a moment.

"How was work?" It seemed like an innocuous enough question. "It was...okay. I had to take more painkillers than I would've liked to take while on the job, but...it was better than the alternative. Ah, not so hard on the leg, please..." His fingers eased up. "Everyone that came through was really nice. I like working with Mr. Grillby. He isn't...scary, I suppose. I mean, not that I think he's actually scary, it's just an anxiety thing. But he's easy to relax around...working with him is...it's fun. I don't feel like I'm rushed or anything like that, or judged for needing my Luci with me..." You yawned, sighing in contentment as a set of thumbs began working on your shoulder blades.

His next statement made you laugh quietly. "You seem rather fond of him." Gaster almost sounded jealous. But, you supposed, you were officially his guinea pig. Of course someone like him would be bitter about something so silly. "I am. But not in the way you're thinking. Sure, he's nice, he's successful, he's good looking. But he isn't...mm, in a way, I think he's kind of like a dad. I'm not sure, don't have one myself. The one I did have was..." Your voice trailed off and you were silent for a moment. "He wasn't a good person, I'll leave it at that. But Grillby is, I guess, he acts like what I'd expect a good dad to act like. He's a friend and a fatherly sort of figure all in one. It's...nice. Not that I'll ever say that to his face."

Your answer seemed to appease Gaster, as he didn't say anything else. His hands worked on you until you were nearly asleep, in which case your body was gently rolled over and the blankets pulled up around you. As you began to doze off, you could of swore that he sat down on the edge of your bed, absently petting your hair.

* * *

The previous night had been completely forgotten by the time you woke. What little remained of it in your memory was brushed off as a weird dream. Sitting up, you noticed Lucifer wasn't in there with you. Figures, but it was your day off, and you didn't have any alarms set. He probably just went to let himself out, anyways. The idea of just staying in bed all day was oh so appealing. But as your stomach growled, you groaned, getting to your feet. A quick glance at your cellphone said it was early noon, so maybe lunch wasn't too far amiss. Looking down at yourself, you considered changing into clothes for the day.

Nah.

You earned a lazy day after yesterday. Carefully, limping all the while, you made your way downstairs. Sans was set up in the living room, a bag of potato chips propped against his side and a bottle of ketchup held between his thighs. He seemed rather intent on the game he was playing. You had to choke back a laugh—he was hamming out on Call of Duty. Excellent. Well, you knew what you were doing today. "Hey, let me join you after I get something to eat." Taking his lazy little shrug as permission, you hobbled your way to the kitchen. A cup of coffee and grilled cheese later, you were flopping down beside Sans on the couch.

Lucifer came back in at some point as well, laying under both of your feet, tail swishing slowly when you wiggled your toes down and rubbed over his back with them. Picking up a second controller, you waited patiently as Sans finished his current match up before you could join in. "so, uh. you wanna do multiplayer or what." He sent a sideways glance your way, and you shrugged your shoulders. "You can pick, I just wanna play." Honestly, you weren't that picky, and it wasn't like you had people to sit and play with often. Shrugging, the short skeleton backed out to the main screen, opting for split screen zombies. "...nice." Sitting forward more, he snorted at the eager smile on your face.

"What? This is my favourite thing to play on these games. It's the only thing I actually got this game for...I think I might've done the first mission in campaign mode, but that's it." Your explanation was given sheepishly, but Sans honestly didn't seem to care one way or the other. "heh, just don't make me pick you up every five minutes." He took a quick swig straight from your ketchup bottle (ew, what?), and let you pick a map to play on. Now, you'd ended up buying all the ones that came out as DLC, being the zombie whore that you were. After five minutes of making indecisive 'uh' noises, he finally picked one for you with a snicker.

Leaning back, your gaze remained on the screen, smiling happily as the game started up. With how hectic everything had been, you hadn't really had time to spend with either of the skeleton brothers. Maybe you'd offer to give Papyrus cooking lessons when you had the energy for it. Or perhaps you could make use of the piano sitting towards the back of the living room...on a really good day, perhaps. You already knew just playing games for a while would make your hand start to ache a bit. But it was going to be well worth it for some video games, especially if you got to play for a mind numbingly long amount of time.

As the round began, you barely even took note of Papyrus joining the two of you on the couch, sitting on the other side of you. Still, you acknowledged him with a quick smile, before running around and knifing everything you could. Seems a certain somebody, you weren't naming names, wasn't above running ahead of you to blatantly steal your kills. Lips pursed, you promptly began doing the same exact thing to Sans. Steal your zombies on the starting rounds, huh? Two could play that game, compradre. You'd have enough points for all the boosts and good guns. "Oh, while I'm thinking about it, and while we're on this map...you know how to glitch and get all of the perks, right?" "yeah, with the tombstone perk and the dying and whatnot." Sans shrugged his shoulders, and you nodded.

Good, at least you were playing with someone who knew what they were doing. Somewhat. You hoped. "Oh, heck," something hit you from behind and you went down. It wasn't quite a swear, mostly because you didn't want to use any real curses around Papyrus. He struck you as far too innocent for vulgarity. Heaving a sigh, you waited for Sans to come get you back up again, pouting a bit after. "It's been a while since I've played, that's all. I'm good at this game." "heh. sure, kid." You refrained from groaning at the other, sinking back against the couch as the game continued.

As the rounds got higher, you found yourself substituting all sorts of food names for dirty words. 'Son of a biscuit', 'fritter', 'mother celery stick', just to name a few. It was obvious that Sans appreciated your efforts, as it all went directly over Papyrus' head. You both managed to get to round twenty eight your first time around, and you heaved a disappointed sigh after. "Man...so close. I need more coffee." Gingerly handing the controller off to the younger skeleton, you winced, rubbing your hand. "...you, uh, okay there, kid?" Sans set his own down, fixating you with a concerned look, despite his permanent smile. "I'm fine, you two play, I'll just watch for a little while."

The two of them exchanged a glance, though shrugged and continued on. Some part of you wondered if the game would give Papyrus nightmares, but it wasn't your place to voice your concerns. You stopped in the dining room to open the back door, watching Lucifer run out again, before turning your attention to making yourself another cup of coffee. Or, you would be, if your hand hadn't suddenly had a muscle spasm. Sucking in a harsh breath of air, your arm was cradled against your chest, watching your fingers curl as your palm held itself at some awkward position. Tears welled up and you willed yourself not to cry, shoulders trembling.

It didn't surprise you when a pair of disjointed hands settled on them, a tall figure coming to a stop in front of you. Gently, the doctor pulled your arm away from your chest, looking your hand over dispassionately. "Stop pushing yourself so hard." His tone was cold, unfurling your fingers and massaging your palm, ignoring the pained yelp that pulled from your lips. "I didn't, I was just..." It hurt an awful lot, but his rubbing did help the pain ease up, "I was playing a game with Sans..." You couldn't bring yourself to look at him, lower lip trembling. "Yes, well, I can see just how wonderfully that went." Gaster's tone was snide as he worked on your hand, a third pair of hands idly making your coffee for you.

"Stop treating me like a child. I can make my own decisions and I can deal with a few muscle spasms." It amazed you how easily this monster could scare you into silence and piss you off, all within the span of seconds. "I will treat you like an adult when you act like one. Whether you seem to have momentarily forgotten or not, you are _my_ test subject. I need you at your best in order for things to proceed." There was an edge to his tone, seeped in anger. Huffing, you took in a breath and made to retort, but he let go of your hand and promptly began squeezing your cheeks. His fingers dug in and you winced, trying to pull your face away from his grip, to no avail.

"Behave yourself before I lose my patience."

Speaking of being scared into silence, anything you would have said died on the tip of your tongue. His voice was...frightening. Disjointed, echoing, terrifying deep and rumbling like thunder (thankfully without the volume). The sheer look of terror on your features seemed to satiate him, as when Gaster let go, he gently rubbed your cheek. "Good girl. Now..." One of his summoned hands brought your coffee to you, and you numbly accepted it. You knew you looked like a deer caught in headlights, cowering in front of him with your mug held meekly to your chest. He stared down at you, slowly leaning over until his head was next to yours.

"Do wipe that adorable look off of your face, child."

You found yourself unable to move as his hand came up again, the backs of his fingers trailing along your jaw and down the side of your throat. Shivering, you remained quiet as it moved, his fingers playing with your hair at the nape of your neck. "Such an interesting little thing you are." He straightened back up again, his hand now resting on the back of your head. "...I...is...that a compliment?" You questioned, blinking owlishly. To your surprise, he laughed, grin curling as it grew in a rather charming fashion. "Take it as one if you so desire, it makes no difference to me." Gaster's other hand came up, tenderly stroking over your cheek again.

"Oh..." You refrained from leaning into his touch, though your eyes closed, humming. In all honesty, you craved affectionate attentions. Even if it was coming from him, it was still welcomed. Until you felt a familiar tug, eyes flying open again and scowling at the disjointed hands cupped around your soul. "Interesting..." Of course, this was all some weird little mind game to see how you would react. It's only natural he was far more interested in your soul than anything else. That's what all of it was about, in the end. Your soul was his new plaything, to hell with you and how you actually felt.

"..." Anger took over common sense, and you splashed your fresh coffee directly into his face, satisfied as he suddenly reeled back and your soul snapped back into your chest. More or less throwing your mug into the sink, you trembled with rage, fixating the other with a deadly glower. Gaster shot you one of his own, advancing on you and raising his hand. But you'd dealt with that enough. You'd been smacked around plenty of times before, and you were far too pissed to back down. In a move that seemed to catch him off guard, you stepped closer, almost directly in his face (if he wasn't so damned tall). It turned into a silent stare-off, though you mentally cursed yourself as you felt your cheeks grow hot and tears build up.

"Don't be nice to me just for fun. Don't...don't...do that." Your lower lip quivered and you snuffled sharply, good hand coming up to defiantly wipe at your eyes. "Don't you ever do that again, do you understand me?" You couldn't help it, now, both hands rubbing but doing nothing to stem the tears that began rolling. Part of you expected him to yell at you, to hit you. But instead, skeletal fingers patted your head, and he silently left the kitchen, leaving you to cry into your palms. As you sank down onto your knees, Lucifer let himself back in, whining and nosing at your face.

All you could do was wrap your arms around him and weep, face hidden against his neck.

 **an:** _hey. im sorry it took me so long to update, and for how short this chapter is. the next one will be longer to make up for it, and it should come quicker than this one did. just having some issues with some things as of late. as always, **please leave a review**. i really do enjoy reading them quite a bit._


	7. Chapter 7

It'd taken you a little while before you'd calmed down enough to rejoin the two brothers in the living room. Neither of them took note of your puffy eyes and flushed face, and if they did, they thankfully opted not to say anything about it. Lucifer would climb up into your lap, leaning heavily against your chest until you quietly gestured for him to lay down instead. DPT would probably help, but you didn't want to draw anymore attention to yourself than you already had that day. Seems he wasn't keen on leaving your side either way, however, as he didn't bother hopping down from the couch and instead sprawled across your lap. Being a rather large dog, his hind legs ended up resting on Papyrus' lap.

Nervously, you stole a glance at the skeleton—relieved when he simply pat Lucifer's pat and resumed playing. How in the world was he managing that with those gloves on? You weren't sure you really wanted to know. Boiling it down to 'magic', your hands idly stroked over your dog's back and rubbed behind his ears. Truth be told, you weren't having that much luck focusing on watching the two brothers play. But the background noise was still nice, even Papyrus' loud groans of displeasure at every single pun Sans managed to throw into their game play. You wished you were witty enough to pull off telling puns like that, but hey, listening was just as good. Besides, that was Sans' thing.

"hey, uh, pap...why don't you go make spaghetti for dinner?"

"Nyeh? Of course! I, master chef Papyrus, would be delighted to!"

You watched as the easily excited skeleton popped up onto his feet and scuttled off, giggling as he went. What a cute little thing. Shaking your head with a smile after him, you turned, blinking upon noticing Sans staring at you. Nervous, your hands would settle on Lucifer's back. "so, felt my pop's magic flare up earlier. what'd ya do to him?" There was an eerie note to his baritone voice, the whites of his eyes vanishing in his sockets. A chill crept up your spine, mouth going dry. "...I...threw my coffee in his face...he st-started it!" Shrinking back against the couch, you allowed your service dog to sit upright and start leaning against your chest again.

"buddy, do you wanna have a bad time?"

"H-hey, I just said he started it! He was being an ass! Toying with me and making me feel safe and wanted just to see how my stupid soul would react! It's my right to lash out at him if he oversteps his bounds, even if I am some sort of glorified guinea pig!" You wanted to feel angry for how Sans was acting, but you just felt afraid. A moderate look of confusion passed over his skull before realization dawned, immediately relaxing. "oh, that, heh. yeah, figures that's what it was." Suddenly he was right back to his usual lazy seeming self, relaxed and that ominous feeling from before gone. "...wait, you know about that?"

"obviously." His dismissive shrug stung a little bit, lips pressing into a thin line as your arms wrapped around Lucifer. "i dunno what he did to piss you off exactly, but you should apologize. even if he's the one in the wrong. he ain't a nice guy. pop's has done terrible things, does terrible things, and will do terrible things. love my old man to death, but uh, i'm not gonna lie and say he's a saint. it'll be easier on both of you if you just learn how to deal with him." Looking away from you, he turned his attention back to the game, despite Papyrus no longer playing.

You knew he was right, in a way. Gaster hadn't ever struck you as a particularly good person, but...

"I know he isn't all bad. I mean, he looks at you and Papyrus like you're his entire world. A man who loves his sons that much can't be a total prick...he just...acts like one." You winced, but Sans didn't seem to mind what you said. "He isn't in the right...but...maybe splashing piping hot coffee into his face wasn't the best course of action." Sighing and holding in a groan, you ushered your dog back off of your lap, getting to your feet. "If he kills me for going down there to say sorry, it's your fault." Sticking your tongue out at the short skeleton, you quietly made your way to the basement door.

Did you really have to do this to have any hope of civility with the scientist? Did you even want to be on good terms with him anymore? Well...maybe it was still worth a try. Commanding Lucifer to sit and wait for you, you cautiously made your way down the stairs. Vaguely, you remembered the rule Gaster had set in place about it, but you were technically an experiment to him now. Maybe it no longer applied to you. And upon getting to the bottom and walking further into the basement, you weren't suddenly assaulted by any flying objects or ghostly skeleton hands—the monster in question seemed more intent on whatever he was working on at one of the metal tables.

Clearing your throat, you waited. But he ignored you. "Doctor." Nope, seems like he was dead set on pretending you weren't there. "Doctor!" Adamantly, you took a step closer, and his pen simply continued to scrawl over a page of notes. He was being outright childish, now. Teeth grit as you marched up beside him, you decided to try something else.

"Wing Dings Gaster, you look at me right this instant."

Oh, dear, that seemed to work a bit better than you intended. He looked absolutely pissed as his gaze snapped to your face, obviously annoyed by how you'd addressed him. But as he opened his mouth, you beat him to the punch.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have tossed my coffee into your face. I shouldn't have resorted to violence like that. It'd probably have been better if I just insulted you and let you make some witty comment back, I would've stopped being pissed off about that much eventually. But...really, don't toy with my emotions like that, okay? It's..." You felt uncomfortable, and his expression became unreadable, though he was listening to you with interest. "...it brings up bad memories. I...my dad, he wasn't a good guy. He did horrible things to me. And sometimes, he was nice to me...but then he'd just...do things to me right after. It...it scared me, what you did, being gentle just...just to see how I'd react to it."

Your gaze turned away from him, feeling oddly nauseous and humiliated for even telling him that much. But you felt like you couldn't stop, you'd started and now you weren't sure how to keep the words from spilling out.

"It makes me feel worthless. I get it. I get that you don't particularly like me. I get that the only thing about me that interests you is my soul. Honestly, I understand that I'm an absolutely worthless living being overall. But even if I am worth less than dirt, I still have feelings. I have fears and scars and memories and things that still hurt me every single day of my life. So...so don't...don't make it harder on me to keep myself breathing than it already is. It's so damn hard just to convince myself it's worth it to get out of bed in the mornings, it's hard to take care of myself. Don't...don't play with me like that, it...it just...makes everything feel so much worse..."

Tears stung your eyes, and he was silent for a long while. Taking in a shaking breath, you turned to leave, though his hand enclosed about your wrist. A yelp escaped you as you were yanked back, Gaster standing as he pulled so you collided with his chest. His arm curled around your midsection, keeping you in place against him, and his other hand came up to hover over your chest. His fingers coaxed that sickly little purple soul out of you, cupping around it.

"This alone is proof that you are not worthless."

Was he...trying to comfort you? You couldn't tell, but he sure had an odd way of going about things if he was. He confused you so much, kind one moment, and you were sure he'd be cruel to you later on again. "This is a soul that has gone through hell without breaking. This is a soul that belongs to a very, very strong individual. Do not presume, even for a moment, otherwise. I will continue to do things you may not like to see how you react. Sometimes without your knowledge. It is vital to my, our, research in this regard. What holds your soul together could be the key to keeping other souls from breaking, to making monster souls as strong as human ones."

"I am going to be cruel to you out of necessity. But I will treat you well, when I can."

You were fairly certain your face was cherry red, both from his oddly genuine explanation and from the way you were being held back against him. It was...possessive, almost. But given his twisted interest in your soul, you shouldn't be so surprised. "...simply tell me when you'd like to be made to feel better." Idly, his fingers began their usual, gentle little massage. Even with his intentions and touches only being meant to relax you, it was having a rather different effect on you overall, being so closely held to his chest. Gaster fixated that little heart with a curious gaze as it put off a slightly stronger glow, continuing his soft petting.

This so wasn't fair. This guy was the King of Assholes. You should not be attracted to him. You absolutely shouldn't be attracted to a man that treated you like a possession, that seemed to have a fucked up sense of interest in you, that was cruel to you. But here you were. Flustered and dealing with your heart beating rapidly in your chest, soul glowing a bit brighter—stupid thing was going to give you away. "...oh, I see." You could just hear the grin in his voice, fingers pausing. "Tell me, would you rather I made you feel...differently?" His thumb poised over the center of your crack-mottled soul, and all you could do was squeak in protest.

"No! Nope, nah, no clue what you're talking about! No, nope. Gimme that back. Right now. Nope." Your voice had gone up in pitch, nervously trying to grab at your soul, whining when he held it up out of your reach. "I never took you for the... _masochistic_ type, that's all you could be to be so... _interested_ in me. But I suppose I should have expected that." Oh, that ass, he was teasing you, now. Another whine escaped you, still trying to grab for your soul—until his arm shifted from around your midsection, hand splayed over your stomach. Your breath caught in your throat, heart pounding even harder, stammering incoherently as he laughed.

Laughter quickly turned to concern, however, when you abruptly lost balance. Too much emotional upset for you, you were on the verge of faintng. As your legs gave out, he caught you, sneering at your dazed expression. "Honestly, child." All the same, your soul was pressed back into your chest, and you were lain across an empty table.

He returned to his work, and you high tailed it out of the basement as soon as you recovered.

* * *

Despite what felt like a good heart to heart (and awkward flirting), the next time he called you down to the basement, he seemed distant and detached from you. Great. Of course, this was Gaster, Asshole Extraordinaire. Why had you been expecting any different? Still, the expression on his pallid face didn't bode well at all, and you were skittish when he silently gestured for you to take a seat on one of the tables. "After pulling some strings, I found some rather...interesting things." He started airily, those familiar symbols floating about his skull. An extra set of hands soon floated over, holding a small stack of binders and folders, all of which bore your name.

"...did...did you really break the law and go after my medical record?"

You squinted at him, gaze shifting back and forth between the little mound of documents and his face a few times. Was he for real? But really, this didn't even phase you. From what you understood of things, he was a very, very important monster. Of course he'd be able to get his greedy little hands on anything he desired. Which...really lead you to wanting to ask him why he'd bothered to move in with you in the first place. The guy was obviously very well off, he could've easily afforded to by himself and his boys a nice place of their own. It didn't make sense as to why they were living with you. But that could be addressed later, for now, you had to deal with whatever little hair brained idea Gaster had churning through that twisted little brain of his.

"More than that. I found some rather...interesting things in that attic of yours."

And with those few words, your blood ran cold, hands feeling cold and clammy. He didn't. Did he? You could only watch with increasingly pale features as yet another set of hands carried various dairies over. All of them, why had you saved them—you started keeping one when you were just a child, when your life had started going straight to hell. And here he was with them. Gaster seems to have recognized the look on your face, giving you a patient sort of smile. "Oh, no, I haven't read them yet. We're going to read them together. In chronological order." Suddenly, you couldn't hear, blood was rushing in your ears, you couldn't feel your fingertips. You didn't want to read them, you'd been saving that for later in life, when you were ready to confront your memories and start healing.

You weren't ready for this. Lucifer shifted at your feet upon sensing your distress, nosing at your hand to try and keep you in the here and now. Eyes wide and pupils constricted, you began taking backwards steps away from Gaster, slowly shaking your head 'no'. Heaving a sigh, several disjointed hands suddenly grabbed you, and he firmly set you down on the metal table he'd gestured at before, holding you in place. "This needs to be done. Ah, but without him..." Another pair of hands would pick your service dog up, carrying him out of the basement. And you began frantically whimpering, heart beating so hard and fast that it was physically painful—you felt like you couldn't breathe.

"No, no. I don't. I don't wanna do this. Please." Your voice was high pitched and panicked, blinking back tears the best you could. Had earlier's gentleness only been a set up for this? In some hope you'd be more receptive to his little experiments and mind games? He ignored your plea, pulling a stool over and sitting directly in front of you. "We will get through the entirety of the first one today, and the rest over the next few sessions. Behave or it will take longer." There was a rigid detachment to how he addressed you, expression baring no room for argument. His mind was made up, and you were afraid. You were very, very afraid. Why had he taken Lucifer away from you? That was going too far, all of this was going way too far.

The first few tears began to roll down your cheeks as he flipped the worn notebook open to the first page. And taking in a deep breath, he began reading, and you were sick to your stomach. These were your memories, your feelings, your thoughts, and he was going to rifle through them just to satiate his own sick sense of curiosity. You wished you'd never agreed to any of this, at least then you'd be justified if you tried to hit him. But no matter how much you wished you could reach out and deck him in the face, those phantom like hands were keeping you perfectly still. Your chest was heaving before he'd even gotten through the first sentence of your very first diary entry, knowing well what was to come.

In that instant, you hated Gaster.

You hated every last bit of him.

* * *

It was several hours later when you were finally able to flee from the basement, no longer even able to cry. You cried plenty at the start before something inside of you broke apart, and you simply stopped caring, blocking every last word of it out. All of which Gaster had eagerly written down on a clipboard, seeming fascinated by all of it. Ranting about coping mechanisms and all the rest of it. Like you didn't already know you could disassociate at will to get through hard times. Lucifer was understandably all over you as soon as you stepped out into the foyer, and you blankly pet him. The only thing that was going through your mind was that you needed to leave. That you needed to get away from all of this. But you had no where to go, no one to protect you from someone like that asshole scientist.

You weren't quite sure when you ended up in your bedroom, and you didn't know when you'd picked up your phone and dialed your boss. But you blinked, slowly coming back around again when his crackling tone quietly greeted you on the other line. "...hello?" "...oh, I didn't realize I'd called this number...huh...sorry, Mr. Grillby. Just blanked out. Didn't mean to bother you." Despite how detached you were, you could still hear just how distant and hollow your voice was. You hated it. He sizzled and popped for a long moment before, "...what's wrong?"

Every part of you wanted to cry at that. Break down and tell him what just transpired. But would he even care? Biting on your lower lip, you considered it for a long minute. "Gaster. That's what's wrong. He...I..." Closing your eyes, you laid back on your bed. You didn't want to trust Grillby and confide in him, but you needed to. You knew you needed to. "...he's been...I've been...apparently my soul is interesting. As in, it's all fucked up and supposed to be broken. He's been...he's been doing experiments on it to...to try and figure out why it isn't broken. What's keeping it together. He thinks he could make monsters stronger and help other people if he could figure it out. But...but today he..."

Oh, there the tears came. Snuffling as your other hands came up to rub at your watery eyes, you took in a shaking breath to try and calm back down. "He got my medical records. And all of my diaries, since I was a kid. He...he...started reading the first one out loud, he wouldn't let me leave until he read all of it. God, so many things...so many things I've tried so hard to forget he just...Grillby, I can see all of it, right now, playing in my head." Your whisper was a broken one, chest heaving as you finally broke down into quiet sobs again. "And it isn't over, I know it isn't, I have more he's going to read to me just to see how I react. That's not even the worst part. He, he made me listen to all of it, made me go through all of it, without Luci. He locked Luci upstairs and I had to go through it all alone."

You were full blown sobbing, then. Choking on your own cries, tears rolling and sniffling away.

"...pack a bag. I will be there...in half an hour."

That was all he said before promptly hanging up. Leaving you confused and whimpering, your service dog joining you on your bed and desperately trying to calm you back down. What did that mean? Was he going to kidnap you away or something? God, how would Gaster react to that? Fear settled in your stomach, coughing from how hard you'd started to cry at the very thought, clinging to Lucifer as if your very life depended on it. Still, if you were going to leave, you wanted to leave as quickly as possible. After a few minutes, you managed to get back to your feet, pulling a duffel bag out from under your bed.

Clothes and medications were thrown in without much thought, as well as a few personal items pertaining to your hobbies. Toothbrush, toothpaste, hairbrush, soaps...as well as a few things you needed for Lucifer. Fear was still prevalent, but you were also oddly excited. Someone genuinely cared about you, someone liked having you around enough to take you out of a genuinely horrible situation. Even if Gaster was absolutely terrifying and you were afraid for how he may treat Grillby after his odd displays of possessiveness.

By the time you had a decent bag packed and your dog all geared up, you heard tears coming down the gravel of your driveway. Swallowing thickly and placing your hand over Lucifer's harness handle, the both of you slowly picked your way down the stairs. By the time you'd gotten down to the bottom and headed for the foyer, the asshole extraordinaire himself was answering the front door after the first few knocks. "Ah, Grillby, what can I do for you?" The words formed hazily in wing dings, as they always did, hovering about his skull. He seemed to falter at the silent, furious glare the fire elemental fixated him with, glowing hands curling into fists.

Sensing a fight brewing long before it had a chance to break out, you cleared your throat, limping over. "Hey, um. I have my stuff." You nervously looked between the two, suddenly uncertain of which one was actually more frightening when angry. Gaster, who was so often annoyed and cruel, or Grillby, a kind man who looked like Satan incarnate when he was mad. You might just have to go with the bartender, there's something particularly unsettling about nice people being that pissed off. He only offered you a prim nod, reaching out for your bag to carry it for you. You would have insisted on carrying it yourself, but something in his expression stopped you from causing too much of a fuss.

The way he was staring Gaster down frightened you. And if you weren't wrong, it was scary for the scientist, too. Grillby took your heavy bag as though it were weightless, slinging it over his shoulder. "I am...taking [Y/N/] for the next...little while." His voice was deadly yet calm, as if daring the other to challenge him. And surprisingly, Gaster did. "What? No. I need her far more, the research I am doing could save our kind from ever facing what we had to face before! Her soul could be the key to finding out what keeps human souls so stubbornly alive. It could open up so many different opportunities for us! Just imagine it, Grillby! A world where we no longer have to live in fear! A world where humans can't threaten us anymore!"

His hands were gesturing wildly with his words, as animated as he was. But you were aware of the steadily growing heat rolling off of Grillby in waves before he finally snapped. _**"QUIET."**_ It was the loudest you'd ever heard him, and it scared you, watching that fire atop his head flicker and dance. Gaster fell into silence, though looked passively annoyed, about to open his mouth again. "We are already...in a world where...we don't need to...be afraid." Idly, you found yourself wondering if Grillby was actually partially mute, with how hard talking seemed to be for him. Maybe he had damaged vocal chords? Who knows.

"There are humans that...dislike us. There...is no denying that, but there are...many that are on...our side. An entire...generation up and...coming that is rooting...for us. All we have...to do is be patient and...wait out the older ones...and the...republicans." You had to do your best not to snicker at that little part he'd thrown in, a smile pulling at your lips despite the severity of the situation. But you knew he was being dead serious all the same, so you remained as quiet as a mouse. "There is no reason for you...to be doing what...you are doing. What you...did today was nothing...more than mental...torture. You... are better than that. There...were better ways to...have handled things. I...am disappointed in you."

Grillby seemed to be ready to leave it at that, gesturing you over and setting a fatherly arm over your shoulders. It was soothing, part of you knew beyond all doubt that you would be safe so long as he was around. A bit of a weird feeling to have about your boss. Even more confusing when it wasn't any sort of a romantic inclination, he honestly...was just starting to feel more and more like the father you never really got to have. You almost wanted to cry, almost. But it seems Gaster wasn't going to let the subject drop that easily.

"You? Disappointed in me? For going out of my way to protect our people? My, that's real rich coming from the monster that was once _the general of the royal army_. Funny, coming from someone who has killed hundreds, if not _thousands_ , of people. Some of which were _innocents_." The scientist drew himself up to his full height, staring down at Grillby coldly. "And yet you stand here and lecture me on the morality of my actions. As if you have the right to do so. As if you didn't once do the same exact thing I am doing now, albeit on a much smaller scale."

The fire elemental's flames shot up from his head.

"What I did was...necessary. This is just...cruelty. And it's... _pathetic_ , even for you." That was all Grillby would say on the matter, turning and guiding you out onto the porch. Lucifer followed close at your side, but it wasn't necessary, the older monster gently supporting you as need be on the way to his car. You couldn't quite recognize the make or model, but you knew it was high end. Internally, you kicked yourself for only caring about old muscle cars. But you would slide into the passenger seat when he opened the door for you, your bag being put into the back seat, and your service dog hopping in back there as well.

When Grillby claimed his own spot in the driver's seat, you nervously took in a breath. "Thanks, I mean, for this. You really didn't have to do all of this, I would've been fine on my own. I've...I've been through some really terrible things in my life, this is really...it's nothing in comparison. I can find a way to handle it..." You would've continued talking, but he fixated you with a stern stare that brokered no room for argument. Swallowing dryly, you buckled yourself up and sank back into your seat, and he gave an amused flicker. It wasn't until he'd started the car up did you really remember what Gaster had been saying before.

"So...wait. You were the general of an army before? Your people's army?" Part of you winced on the inside, knowing how insensitive such a question sounded. But he didn't seem to mind very much as he reversed out of the driveway, heading off down the highway. "...I was. Several hundred years ago." He answered honestly enough, but you only blinked. Jeez, how old was this guy? He was more like a mega grandpa than he was a dad. Not that that was something you'd ever say out loud, and especially not to him. No way, no how.

"I see..." You wanted to ask him things, you wanted to ask all sorts of questions. But you felt that'd likely be more than just slightly rude. Still, you felt entitled to just one question in particular.

"...why are you doing this for me, Mr. Grillby?"

* * *

 **an:** _hey guys. im really sorry this update came in so late. i feel like i should explain myself to you guys. long story short, a lot of the health problems ive given the reader, i have myself. my body hates me in that the left side of my body is afflicted with RSD / CRPS, I faint a lot, so on and so forth. im psychotic, traumatized, and severely depressed. ive really just been struggling with my health as of late. plus life in general has gotten super busy for me. work is picking up, so on and so forth. plus i decided to go and make another roleplay blog, for Grillby. which is surprisingly actually helping my stress levels a lot, i dont think i would have been able to finish this chapter if i hadnt made the fire bae a blog._

 _ill try harder to make sure you guys arent waiting so long for the next update. im really sorry that this one took as long as it did._

 _as always, **please do leave a review**. it honestly makes my entire day when i see that theres new reviews._


	8. Chapter 8

**an:** _incredibly short update, i'm sorry. reasons given at the bottom._

* * *

"Because you are my friend."

Whatever response you'd been expecting, it wasn't that. And it showed in how you stared at him, bewildered and confused. How could you be his friend? You hadn't known him that long, you worked for him—it didn't make sense. Chest tightening, you felt tears well up in your eyes, and you quickly diverted your now blurry gaze down to your knees. Snuffling, one of your hands shakily came up, rubbing at your eyes to try and keep those tears from falling. You'd already been crying too much for one day, you really wanted to stop. "Sorry...I'm sorry, this is a stupid thing to cry over, I'm sorry."

Crying because he saw you as a friend. A good enough friend to help the way he was helping you out. Honestly, you felt beyond the point of overwhelmed because of it. The hand that wasn't at your face was suddenly enveloped in warmth, fiery fingers giving your own a squeeze. His gaze didn't leave the road, his other hand still on the wheel, but Grillby was comforting you all the same. You could only cry harder, gripping his hand and leaning over so your head rested against his arm. He didn't mind, letting you stay there and cry yourself out.

By the time he was pulling into some parking garage or another, you had worn yourself down. Snuffling quietly, you sat up again as he killed the engine. Patting your head before he got out, your bag was grabbed for you, and as you got out of your seat, Lucifer was already out and waiting for you. Tiredly, your hand rested on his harness handle, glancing over the top of the car at Grillby. Your bag was slung over his shoulder, and he was waiting patiently for you. Closing the passenger door, you and your service dog made your way over to him, and followed him across the lot.

You were tired, and you were having a little trouble keeping up with Grillby's long strides, your eyebrows knitting together with your vaguely upset expression. Glancing back at you and noticing your struggle, the fire elemental stopped and waited on you to catch up, and then fell into step beside you. "...I'm sorry." You murmured, almost flinching when he responded by placing an arm around your shoulders.

"Why?"

That was a good question, and you had far too many answers. "For calling...I know you were probably busy. And I don't want you to feel responsible for me. I'm sorry I put you through that whole confrontation with Doctor Gaster, because he said some truly terrible things to you and...I'm...sorry to be a burden." A sigh pulled from your lips, and your shoulders somewhat sagged under his arm. A crackling, sizzling sort of laugh escaped him in response. "Don't...worry about it. I...don't mind in the...least. And he has said...far worse for far less...I am not bothered...by his childish...antics." While his words were intended to soothe you, it didn't quite work, and your feelings of guilt only got worse.

Still, you didn't want to worry him or be a bother, so you nodded silently.

The walk into the building wasn't too long once you'd both gotten to the elevator, and once inside the rather...nice apartment building, you ignored any looks that Lucifer got. Come on, it was like they'd never seen a dog before. Then again, he did stand out with his vest and harness...all the same, it was so rude to stare. Walking across what appeared to be more of a lobby like area than not, you were fairly glued to Grillby's side out of anxiety, glancing around with a nervous sort of nausea settled in your gut. You were grateful when you both stepped into another elevator, closed in and out of sight, heaving a sigh.

"Sorry. It's been a long day." Awkwardly, you rubbed at the side of your neck, and your service dog nosed at your other hand with a quiet whine. That managed to put a smile on your face, fingers moving to scratch over his head in a rewarding sort of manner. The fire elemental's 'hair' gave an understanding flicker, and you decided to leave it at that. After a few moments, you blinked, murmuring "we've uh...been going up for like, maybe a minute now." His chuckle caused you to puff your cheeks out into a pout, though that quickly became understanding as it came to a stop on the top floor.

The double doors opened up to a short hall, at the end of which a door waited. Walking calmly up to it, his keys were fished out of his pocket, and upon unlocking it, he pushed it open. "Oh." Numbly, you followed him in, trying not to gape. Penthouse? Seriously? Jeez. Well, it did make sense. Grillby's was a wildly successful bar in and of itself, and there was a chain based off of it now. Of course he would be living comfortably. As he walked in and headed off down a hall, presumably to a guest room to set your things down for you, all you could do was walk silently across hardwood flooring and stare off out of a long wall of glass.

"...whoa..."

What a view! The cityscape sprawled out before you, the countryside far off in the distance, almost completely hidden from your gaze. It was beautiful. Man, you'd give probably a small fraction of your dumb soul to be able to look out and see this everyday. Lost to your thoughts and with Lucifer nosily exploring the place to become familiar with it, it half scared you out of your wits when a lithe body suddenly collided into you. Your good side, thankfully, though you stilled uttered a terrified squeak and turned your head to the side, eyes widening momentarily—you were ready to start fighting if need be, who was touching you, who was in your space—oh, who's this?

A green, flickering face was staring eagerly at you. Black eyes with thick lashes, a jagged yet pretty white mouth. "Are you my dad's girlfriend?" She asked excitedly, pulling away from you, only to try pulling you over to the couch to sit down with her. You winced at the tugging motion, a hiss of pain escaping you, though you went along with her. "No, I'm just a friend. Please, um, please don't...don't do the touching thing. I uh. Please?" "Oh! Oh, my bad! Sure, no touching thing. Gotcha. And just a friend, huh?" Her smile seemed to grow, giving you something of a look.

"Just a friend that he's apparently moving into the guest room?"

"...just a friend. Stuff happened, he's just...who are you?" You were helplessly confused and rather overstimulated, nerves frayed as your brows knit together in confusion. "Fuku, my name's Fuku." The green, fiery girl smiled brightly at you, and you just blinked a few times. What an oddly exuberant and chatty girl, especially for being Grillby's kid. But then again, their fires weren't the same colour. Maybe she was adopted? That'd make more sense than being any sort of biological offspring, she looked like a different breed of fire elemental entirely.

"Nice to meet you, Fuku. I'm [Y/N]."

"Oh, pretty name! You sure you aren't dating my dad?" She insisted with a frown, crossing her arms over her chest with a childish kind of pout. "Yes, I'm sure." It was almost cute, but goodness, no. Grillby was more like a fatherly friend than anything else, you didn't think you could ever consider thinking of him like that. Fuku heaved a great, dramatic sigh, though she seemed to let the subject drop. Whether that was because she believed you or because her father had walked back into the room, you weren't entirely sure, but you had a feeling about just which one it was. Glancing up at him, you managed a tired sort of smile, and his flames gave a concerned flicker.

"...go to bed. I'll have...Fuku come wake you later...for dinner."

* * *

It felt like you'd only just closed your eyes when your dog was suddenly all over you, licking at your face and pawing at you. Groaning, you groggily managed to open your eyes, patting Lucifer on the end for a moment before you took note of the girl waiting just inside of the bedroom. Grillby must've told her a little bit about you, then, and you were thankful for that. With you adequately roused, your dog jumped back down from the bed, and you slowly got to your feet. Your body was achy, you didn't quite feel like you were all there mentally—and without saying anything, Fuku seemed understanding enough of your situation.

Nodding at you, she waved you along, and you limped out after her. Transitioning from the dim room and out into the bright apartment caused you to wince a little, muffling a yawn behind your hand. Dinner smelled...lovely! That helped wake you a bit more, blinking a few times til your vision was well adjusted, aware that Lucifer was following right by your heels. Guilt hit you after you realized you hadn't taken him for a walk, resolving to do so immediately after dinner, rubbing at the side of your neck nervously as Fuku lead you into the kitchen, where Grillby was already filling three plates. And a dog bowl. Oh, thank goodness, that was another thing you'd forgotten to grab.

You were a terrible service dog handler. Shame began to gnaw at your insides, though Lucifer nosed at your hand upon sensing your distress, helping keep some of it at bay. Taking in a breath, you calmed back down again. One bad day with mistakes made didn't make you a bad handler, you were just emotional and upset over everything that's gone on. Upset over Gaster being the way that he was and treating you the way he had, upset that Grillby had felt the need to come to your rescue, upset because upset was basically your default setting.

Upset because a tiny part of you would rather be at home, being the one to make dinner for the little family that'd moved in with you. Because part of you wanted to be throwing puns back and forth with Sans while Papyrus pretended to hate it and Gaster watched it all with that oddly warm look he tended to get. A cold feeling wormed its way through you, knowing your expression probably just became rather blank. Wow, of course you'd be the one to actually like that abusive jerk. You were disappointed in yourself, really, you knew you deserved more respect than what you were getting. That you shouldn't be treated like some sort of glorified guinea pig.

But it hadn't even been a full twenty four hours, and you were home sick already.

Noticing the two concerned looks being sent in your direction, you put a smile on your face. "I'll need to take Luci for a walk after dinner...ah, thank you again, by the way. I promise I'll stop and get him everything he needs, I can't believe I forgot..." Your good hand came up, shakily brushing through your hair. Man, you were a ditz sometimes. Still, you'd settle down with Fuku and Grillby once the table was set—and Luci's bowl was put down for him off to the side. "...it's quite alright." The fire elemental's 'hair' gave a feeble little waver, seeming unperturbed by all of it.

Gaster would've given you some smart ass remark.

Your chest felt oddly hollow.

* * *

 **an:** _golly gee willickers batman i sure do love being mentally ill. much like i mentioned the last time i updated, ive been...not doing too hot. im still kinda. not doing too hot. my physical health is not doing good, my dudes. and that really isnt helping my mental state. i did go to pain management today, however. and ill be starting some weird cocktail of medications. so im hoping that'll help and i'll definitely be able to put myself back onto at least weekly updates. i know a lot of you have been really looking forward to this updating and i am terribly sorry to have been a disappointment thus far._

 _please understand that im doing my best._

 _and i truly am sorry for how ridiculously short this chapter is, but i wanted to give you all at least something. i'll try super hard to make sure the next one more than makes up for how short this one is. im really sorry, y'all._

 _leave a review, if you'd like, though please don't be irritated with me for the wait and the shortness of this chapter. i uh. really would not be able to handle that right now my guys lmao_


	9. Chapter 9

You spent the walk in something of a daze, Lucifer padding along obediently at your side and keeping you from wandering out into traffic with your currently absent minded nature. Short tugs at the leash to guide you back from the edge of the sidewalk, eventually moving to walk on your other side to outright herd you. It wasn't intentional, but you just couldn't seem to keep yourself firmly planted in the here and now. Everything around you felt fuzzy, your body operating on its own—and yet your thoughts were whirling quicker and quicker through your head.

It was wrong, liking somebody like Gaster. Somebody using you, hurting you, without even the slightest hint of regret. He was cruel to you and had zero regard for your well being, using you as a means to an end. And yet he would treat you so gently in the most unguarded of moments, so you found yourself doubting even that. Your friends would likely smack you upside the head and tell you that you were coming down with Stockholm Syndrome or something, and you weren't too certain that you would disagree with them.

Turning, you ambled into a pet supply store, expression blank and gaze hollow. Dog food, then home. Don't think about Gaster, don't think about Sans or Papyrus. You could do that, you could definitely do that. And yet, that ache persisted in your chest amid the haziness of mild disassociation. Without too much regard, the usual brand of dog food was hoisted up and tossed over your good shoulder, carrying the heavy bag without too much difficulty to the check out lane. Putting it down just to pick it back up didn't sound too appealing, so you gave the cashier a polite smile, simply turning until they could scan the bar code.

A quick swipe of your debit card later and you n' Lucifer were off again. Your steps were slow, wanting to take your time, even if you were quite a few blocks away from Grillby's apartment building. The street lamps had long since flickered to life, the city painted in neon lights and dim bulbs, illuminated by passing headlights. It was far from quiet, a different kind of noise settling over the towering buildings instead. Work was over, and so it was time to play. A bar across the street was already packed, rancorous laughter spilling from within. Guilt once again weighed your very being down—Grillby must've closed down earlier to come get you. This was profit loss for him.

Shoulders sagging, you quickened your pace, but not going so fast that Lucifer would be bothered by it. Lollygagging just felt wrong, now. Not after the paternal fire elemental had gone so very far out of his way for your sake. Tears stung your eyes, and with a wet sniff, you irritably rubbed at them, knocking your glasses slightly askew. Nothing was going right for you lately, it felt like. Everything had been on a steady decline since you'd had that fight with your previous roommates, and it felt like no matter what you did, you just couldn't get yourself back on track. But, thankfully, you had work with Grillby tomorrow. You could throw yourself into it and block everything else out.

Anything to keep your mind too busy to think of everything else would be a blessing. You didn't want to think about the mess of emotions you had concerning Gaster, you didn't want to miss his little family. You didn't want to be missing all of their friends from the house warming party, either, even Flowey after that quiet moment together in the morning sun. It was with a dull sort of ache you began to contemplate your inherent loneliness, and how you clung to those that came close to you. For all the distance you tried to maintain, for how little you may think of yourself and others, you always tightly held onto people that showed you even an ounce of companionship.

You weren't sure if it was whoever you really were that did that, or if it was the result of mental illness. But it was hurting you more and more, now. Nausea caused you to stumble, stopping for just a moment to take in a deep breath, trying to quell the swirling mess of anxiety and self doubt in your chest. As per usual, Lucifer's cold, wet nose nudged at your now clammy palm, and you found yourself smiling in a learned reaction, patting his head. What a mess of a situation this was, but you had to find a way to deal with it. There was no taking back what already happened, not your leaving, and there was no changing what Gaster had done, either. Emotions couldn't be controlled. And you had to acknowledge, with an ache deep inside of you, that the cycle of abuse was a hard one to break free from.

Whether one becomes the abuser, or if that person constantly seeks out abusive people, it became something familiar, something one knew how to live with. Maybe that's what had started happening with the doctor. It didn't help much, but it still did, even if only slightly. You had something to reason with yourself over, now. Something you could recognize and work on derailing before it became an even bigger issue than it already was—and it helped ease your guilt about all of it to begin with. Sighing heavily, the rest of your trip back to Grillby's home was made in relative silence, both physical and mental.

* * *

By the time you'd gotten back, Fuku seemed to be knee deep in studying at the table, a mug of hot chocolate beside her, and her father no where in sight. Maybe he was busy with something. Either way, you winced as you knelt down to untie your shoes and take Lucifer's harness and vest off of him. Why hadn't you just slid into your flip flops again? These laces were going to be the end of you. Both of your hands throbbed and ached, leaning against the large bag of dog food for a moment, before finishing freeing Lucifer from his harness for the night. Tail slowly swishing, his snout nudged at your cheek, and you found yourself finally giving something of a genuine smile in response.

It was tired and pained, but a real one. Reaching up, your fingers rubbed behind his ears, nail just barely digging it. You almost giggled at how hard Lucifer wagged his tail, then, his lower body wiggling as he pressed his face in closer to yours. For as well trained as he was, he was still a dog. Sitting back on your rear, you patted your lap, softly giggling as Lucifer clambered onto it and sat, leaning against your chest. A good position for DPT, you mused as your wrapped your arms around your service dog in a gentle hug, palms petting him and ruffling his fur.

You wished it was always just like this. That Lucifer could just be a dog, and you could just be a person. Closing your eyes, your cheek rested against his back. Wished that you didn't have so many problems—mental and physical, especially not to the point that you needed your service dog as much as you did. If you were better, you wouldn't be in this mess to begin with. Gaster would've never taken interest in your soul, the extent of your issues with him would be limited to snide remarks tossed back and forth. You'd be at home, right now, maybe playing video games with Sans or maybe teaching Papyrus how to cook something new.

The realization of home sickness hit you again, and sadness soon followed. It'd been a very, very long time since you'd been away from home. Your home, that you were so proud of. Something akin to heartbreak settled tightly in your chest, bodily tensing. To be so afraid and hurt you ran from your own home...were you a coward? You had more power than Gaster did, there. You were the landlady of sorts, for Christ's sake. How hard was it to stand up for yourself and tell him to stop? To take control back over your own body? If it came down to it, were you really so afraid to use self defense?

Your thoughts were a mess again, and you felt your dog lean more firmly against you to keep you grounded. With distress came a flare of pain, and your breath left you in a silent, but shaky, exhale. You needed to go back home. You couldn't hide from this; you couldn't keep running away from all of your problems. Tomorrow was another day, you'd talk to Grillby about it after work. Maybe he would be able to help you figure things out and get you back on the right track. But if you didn't learn to stand your ground now, when would you ever? If not now, then when? You were letting yourself down and you knew it. Vaguely attempting to keep yourself distracted from your current thoughts, you wobbled a tad as you got back to your feet and dragged the bag of dog food somewhere out of the way.

For now, you needed to get some rest.

Tomorrow was another day.

* * *

The morning and most of the day seemed to pass you by in something of a weird, hazy fog. Your body was back on autopilot, face smiling and taking orders. Carrying plates and drinks back to tables, checking on patrons, only faintly aware that Lucifer was glued to your side. Not once did his body leave your leg, pressed close, yet not firmly enough to cause you to trip. Some part of you registered the warmth radiating from his body, and you were grateful for it. But overall, it wasn't the best of days, though you managed well enough.

By the time the evening hours were rolling around, the bar louder and buzzing with life, you were slowly taking the reigns back over in your own body. A mistake in a way, being so suddenly assaulted with noise and scents and bright colours. You'd have almost preferred to remain in that safe, comfortable place in the very back of your mind. But that was just more running on your part, wasn't it? Hiding, again. Disgust coiled through your gut, disappointed and angry with yourself for all of it. For all of this. You weren't even sure why you were so upset when you had already decided you were going to take the steps necessary to face your current predicament.

Those feelings were just there. Another thing to eat away at you, another thing for the voices to murmur about inside of your head. It was just getting harder, you realized.

Everything was getting harder.

You were tired, but in a very intimate sort of way. Every part of you was tired, running out of energy to keep up with all this constant nonsense. The realization you felt like giving up caused you to pause, a hand coming to rest on the bar, drawing a sideways glance from Grillby. As his flames flickered and popped, you tried to recall if you'd even taken a break that day. Probably not, you never did slow down and stop when you were like this. Everything felt...very heavy. Dragging your exhausted gaze up to meet his own concerned one, you managed a soft mumble, "may I go on break?"

At his nod and gesture, you disappeared into the back room. Why was this even happening? Why did this always have to happen? Feel okay for a little while, maybe even like life was worth fighting for, only to slip back into this depressed apathy over the slightest things. Ah, but, your recent cause for distress was far from slight, you had to remind yourself. Sitting down on the floor, you scooted yourself back into a corner, finding comfort in the dimly lit room. How the voices from the main room seemed to be almost muffled by the thin wall protecting you from all their gazes.

Lucifer sniffed at your face before he simply laid down at your side, his head resting on your knee. Your throat felt tight, face burning and vision blurring as tears welled up. You hated this. Feeling like this. Not quite empty, more like...you were smaller than your body. That there were all these pockets of space, a void you couldn't grow into and occupy within yourself. That you were missing pieces to a puzzle and just didn't know which ones were gone. Parts of your very self were just missing from you, and you couldn't begin to know how to find them. Perhaps part of you felt what you were going through for the sake of Gaster's research was deserved.

Even though you knew it wasn't. You knew, and yet, you believed otherwise. Hands shaking, trembling, your palms came up to your face, blocking out that feeble light as your shoulders shook with silent sobs. Each breath was hitching and wet, and you slowly leaned over, forehead touching to your service dog's back. It all just hurt. Everything hurt. Your body always hurt, your emotions were always all over the place, your brain (or rather, the suffering dome) was never quiet. Life was a whirlwind, a painful one, that you could never quite keep up with.

Always going straight from one shitty situation to another. With good things peppered in between, sure, but the bad things were so much bigger than the good. Was this just a cycle you were going to trapped in for the rest of your life? It felt like it. You wanted no part of it. You wanted it to stop, all of it, the pain, the self doubt, the crying—it all was too much. Everything was too fucking much. You hardly felt when Lucifer moved away from you, nor his nose nudging frantically at your cheek. What did it matter? Even him, he could've been a far happier dog in a better home, but he was stuck with some crummy handler like you instead.

Your service dog, unbeknownst to you in your pre-meltodwn state, left the backroom to get help.

And you could only curl into a ball on the floor, thoughts turning darker and darker. Getting steadily worse, paranoia, anxiety, fear—it was too much. You didn't have the energy it took to keep reminding yourself that better things were to come. You weren't sure you even believed things would get better. Fairy tale endings were just that, fairy tales. Life was ugly, life was hard, and only very lucky people ever came out on top. You just weren't one of those people. A pair of warm hands pulled you into an upright position, glowing orange fingers carefully tilting your chin up.

Ah...Grillby...you were causing him problems again, weren't you?

"...'m...'m sorry. I didn't...I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

Seems he'd brought a blanket with him, and you noticed Lucifer anxiously pacing just inside of the back room, ears tilted back and watching you closely. Man, you were so tired. You didn't say anything, tears ebbing away as your gaze turned blank, and Grillby wrapped the blanket around you. "...you aren't alone." Those words caught your attention, managing to turn your head to stare quietly at the bartender. His own expression was hard to read, but soothing all the same. "You don't have to...face your feelings and fears...all by yourself." Grillby's hand rested on your head for a moment before he got back to his feet.

"Rest...we can talk once the...bar is closed later."

Lucifer finally padded back over to you once he left, sitting on your lap and firmly pressing himself against you. Anything to keep you grounded, to postpone that crisis just a little longer.

Not alone...sure...then why did you feel so lonely...?

* * *

 **an:** _finger guns at u all. wow these updates are just getting more and more spaced out haha man im so sorry. things are going on so i'll probably actually update this a bit more frequently. if only because im a big nerd and i find this story to be very, very easy to vent through. buckle up, friends, we're going to be going on a feelstrip._

 _as always, please leave a review!_

 _ah, and as it has been pointed out to me. i am aware the earlier chapters have a few typos and repeated words. i'll. eventually fix those, i just dont have the energy for it. and the lack of capitalization, etc., whenever Sans spoke was intentional ;u;_


	10. Chapter 10

How much time had passed before Grillby came to fetch you?

You hadn't a clue. But the blanket made you feel hidden and safe, and Lucifer's careful watch over you brought a sense of protection. Feeble little things, but just enough to gain some degree of control over yourself again. At least, you thought you were in control, but when the fire elemental knelt down to pick you up like a child, tears immediately began to fall. He tensed for a moment, though the bartender swiftly straightened up, holding you against his hip and issuing a series of crackling sounds as you wept openly with your face nuzzled to his shoulder.

Each word you tried to form through the emotional onslaught was an incomprehensible sputter, coughing and rambling without any sort of coherency. Though it didn't seem to bother Grillby in the slightest, mutely carrying you back out into the dim and empty bar with your service dog hot on his heels. With a sort of gentle regard you weren't accustomed to, he set you down in a booth, disappearing from your side for a few moments. When he returned, he had two glasses and a bottle of bourbon in hand, sliding into the bench across from you. Silently pouring both of you a glass, he waited with his fingertips caressing the rim of one til you calmed into shivers and snuffling, sliding it over to you.

Managing a shaky murmur of thanks, your trembling fingers curled around the glass, pressing it to your lips and taking a healthy swallow. Now, you rather liked bourbon. It was naturally sweet, and you couldn't help but allow your lips to faintly curl into a smile. This one was rather cinnamon forward in flavour, it oddly suited the bartender who brought it to you—perhaps he was sharing a favourite. After all, you'd yet to see this particular bottle anywhere behind the counter for the patrons to order. Another long drink was taken, your tumbler glass nearly emptied, before you set it back down with a soft clink on the table. Gaze flicking up at him, you noted with a twinge of confusion and ever present guilt that Grillby hadn't even taken a sip from his own.

"I'm...sorry. For the meltdown. For, uh...still kinda...I think this would be called a crisis." Adverting your gaze down to Lucifer, one of your hands lowered to lovingly stroke over his head. "Everything just kind of hit me all at once, I didn't mean for it to happen at work or...anywhere, really." Some part of you was screaming at yourself to shut up, but as Grillby nodded in an understanding fashion and refilled your glass, you couldn't. "Just my life has been a whole bucket of fuck. I won't...go into detail about my past. But there was...God, there was...so much done to me, and it wasn't just one man who did it, there was...and..." Shoulders quivering for a moment, you stopped petting Lucifer to pick up your refilled glass, taking a much smaller swig this time around and savoring the bright flavour.

"The memories alone are so hard to live with, Grillby...but the scars it all left. The scars, the damage, what I've become because of it. I just...I don't even know if this person that I am is really me. I don't know if I'm me, if that makes any sense. I've been trying so hard for so long to just...pretend to be normal. Pretend I don't have violent flashbacks or episodes of anger, pretend I don't have this emptiness eating away at me inside my chest. Pretend that I'm not so mentally fucked that I hear voices and hallucinate and have delusions and..." Realizing you were starting to rant and cry again, you lowered your face, taking yet another drink. You just fell silent, trying to bite your tongue, but when his hand reached over and squeezed yours, it began again.

"...hey, you know... I've always been attracted to people who abuse me. Two exes of mine, I...the first, he just treated me like some social token. I was just a partner he could show off. I wasn't sexual enough, I had too many problems. He...cheated on me a few times. And every time I tried to leave, suddenly he was the same guy I first met, and he'd put on this big act to guilt me into staying. Five years later he tells me he doesn't love me anymore and that's the end of it. Which was fine, I mean...he pushed me into my first serious suicidal breakdown, and I slowly began to fall out of love with him because of it." You didn't bother moving your hand away from the fire elemental's, opting to drain the rest of your glass before you continued.

"After him there was this girl...I loved her. More than anything in this world, I loved her, with every fiber of my being. And I gave her all of me, every bit of me. But she treated me so cold sometimes, and I'd tell myself, it's okay. It'll get better. I believed with everything I had things would always get better. And then she'd start to blame her problems on me. Say I was self centered for the very few times I truly opened up and vented to her. Told me I was abusive because of my mental illnesses, because I loved her too much. Y'know...she left me eight times, each time blaming me. And she'd come back, saying it wasn't me, that she did something wrong. I'd forgive her, tell her not to be sorry, that she was looking out for herself. And each time I would break myself apart and put myself back together to try and be the best possible person for her, to try and be what she wanted. I kept telling myself if I just tried hard enough, she'd think I was worth staying for, and she wouldn't keep throwing me away like garbage."

Grillby refilled your glass, and you drained half of it in one go, starting to feel warmer and hazier.

"There was this other girl that liked her, too. That constantly told her that she was in love with her and shit talked me. That girl would harass me and borderline stalk me online. But when I got upset and felt threatened by her, when I was afraid she would leave me for this other girl, I was the wrong one. Because they were friends, even if that girl constantly disrespected our relationship, disrespected me, and did horrible things and I had proof it was her...I was the wrong one for being angry and upset. I was wrong for being upset that some other girl was being put before me."

Eyes half lidded, you took another sip, vaguely aware of your dog nosing at your knee.

"I have feelings for Gaster. And I don't know if it's because I really am interested in him. Or if I'm just trying to go back to something familiar. I don't know how to be happy, Grillby. Everything...is so empty inside of me, and I've gotten very good at pretending otherwise. All I ever feel is sadness and anger and hurt, it's all I've ever known. Ever since I was a child, with everything that was being done to me for so many years...grew up and I went straight to people that only hurt me more. Hey...am I fucked up? Tell me, am I?" A slightly hysteric laugh bubbled from you, setting your glass aside and holding your face in your hands.

"Of course I'm fucked up. I hear shit. I see shit. I want people to hurt me because I don't like it when people treat me kindly. I hate it, did you know that? I hate it when people are nice. People are only nice when they want something. At least when people openly treat you like shit, you can't be surprised when they stick a knife in your back, you can't feel betrayed by it."

Pulling the tumbler back over, you drained it again.

"Hey, I want to die."

"...I know, [Y / N]." Grillby had drank his own at some point, though he quietly got up again, wrapping you back up in the blanket. "There are things that...I suspect you have gone through that...I would not wish upon my...worst enemies." Again, you were hoisted up, held bridal style. The motion caused a sense of nausea, though nothing too serious, and something at the back of your mind reminded you that you shouldn't be drinking at all on all the medications you were on. But it didn't really matter much to you, anyways. You'd drank before, and far more at that. Eyes closing and limply resting against the bartender, you didn't pay much mind as he carried you out, Lucifer once again following along.

"I wanna go back home, Grillby. I miss Gaster. I miss Sans and Papyrus...I miss my house...and I haven't even been away that long...they...all of them, as soon as I met them, they made me...Grillby, they make me feel happy. Even if what Gaster was doing was wrong, I was..."

"I know."

* * *

The next morning was oddly hangover free and met with coffee after Fuku had been seen off to school. Grillby sat across from you at the dining table, and you awkwardly avoided his gaze as you sipped on your drink. Your hair felt kinda gross, and you felt disheveled in general. A shower seemed like a pretty good idea. Though there was obviously things that needed to be talked about, despite your best efforts to try and forget how easily you'd broken down in front of him the night before. Awkwardly clearing your throat, you glanced out towards the balcony, fingertips twitching towards your pocket. Man did you want a cigarette. As if reading your thoughts, Grillby got to his feet, silently gesturing for you to follow him outside.

Sheepish at how easy to read you seemed to be, you obediently followed after the fire elemental, stepping outside and slightly shivering at the cool note the early morning air carried. Sliding your pack and lighter from your pocket, you quietly leaned against the guard railing and stared out over the city as you lit your smoke up, held without regard between your lips. "...hey, I am sorry for last night. I really am. It's just stress, a lot of stress, I guess. But thank you for listening and taking care of me. I don't...people don't do that for me, and I know I said I don't like it when it happens. But I don't think I mind it very much from you, you kinda put off a dad vibe in everything you do." It was a soft tease on your part, albeit genuine. His flames gave an amused flicker, coming to stand beside you.

Whatever silence had fallen between the two of you was comfortable, though eventually broken by the man. "I am going to assume you suffer from...a form of PTSD, among other things." Reaching over, Grillby tugged your cigarette from your mouth and placed it in his own, ignoring your pouty sort of whine. "I understand. While the causes and...perhaps even forms of it may differ...between us, I didn't live through the war between...our kinds without scars of my own. Trauma is...something very difficult to live with. I have...lived a very long life, and I have yet to...overcome a lot of mine. Many of those who served...under the king and myself are in the same boat." As it didn't seem like he was going to be handing your cigarette back to you, you listened in silence as you took another out for yourself—and you smiled just a tad when Grillby reached over with his hand to light it for you.

"Our society has always been a very accepting...and open one. Regardless of disabilities or...life style, beliefs, and orientations. But I...understand that humans haven't quite caught up...to us yet in that regard. While Gaster has done very...dangerous and wrong things in his life, I believe if...we both were to sit down with him and you were...to tell him more of your needs and requirements for your...safety and health, you may be surprised by how much...he is willing to work with you. To be frank, the fact that not only...he is living with you, but he allows his sons to be around you...speaks volumes of whatever impression you left on him. Gaster...hates humanity as a whole. Humans killed his wife, humans...imprisoned us, though even that was the least of...the horrors monster kind was subjected to...during the war."

A twinge of shame made its way through your system, along with disgust. Honestly, you'd always been very pro-equality in every aspect of life. For everybody, everything. It was just how you were, and it hurt to know you were part of a race that could do such evil things—even continued down such cruel and twisted paths today. But this wasn't about you, not entirely, and Grillby was trying to help you. So you would listen, even with how little he had said, you were slowly starting to understand a bit more. Taking another drag and flicking ash away from the end of your cigarette, you turned your body a bit more to watch the other.

"The fact he is living with you and...you mentioned that you were happy around him and his sons...before speaks volumes of whatever opinion Gaster must have...of you. You are quite the extraordinary...human. The only other I know of that he truly respects and can tolerate...being around is Frisk. But we all owe them quite...a lot. You have a heart similar to them, I think...not your soul, no. I imagine you have very different...souls. But your capacity to love and care for others...is the same. Don't try to tell me otherwise. You had only...worked a day with me when you told me you...would help me with my bar so that I wouldn't have to do...so much on my own. There are very few beings like you and Frisk...in this world, even among monsters. You have a natural warmth about you that draws people...in. Don't ever let someone make you into something cold, [Y / N], you have a heart...that is worth protecting and you deserve to be...happy."

Reaching over, his free hand gently clasped your shoulder.

"Someone like you won't hurt forever...I can promise you that. This world...rewards kindness and gentleness in due time, no matter...the circumstances you find yourself in. Good things come to good people, even if sometimes it doesn't...look like it works that way. I cannot say your mental illnesses will ever just...disappear. But I can say that you will find ways to cope...and that the pain will lessen with time. And that you will always have...at least one person who will support you." When Grillby squeezed your shoulder, you dropped your cigarette, turning to hug him tightly. Burying your face against his chest, you felt the elemental tense momentarily before relaxing, his arm moving to rest comfortably around your shoulders.

"I'm here for you, too, Grillby. If you ever need to talk or if you end up in a bad place, too, you can come to me too, okay? You can, you always can." Your arms tightened around him, and he seemed to briefly get just a touch warmer. "...thank you so much. I'm sorry I've been such a bother, I really am. And I'm sorry you'll have to help me talk to Gaster...but thank you. I don't really know what I would've ended up doing without you. I don't. And...I still...what I said last night hasn't changed any. I've felt that way for a very long time, but I haven't just given up yet. I promise I'll do my best not to give up." His own cigarette was put out, glowing fingers gently stroking through your hair. What did you do to deserve having someone like this enter your life? Someone you barely knew, someone who barely knew you, and yet this was coming naturally and easily. Having a friend like this...was going to help keep you alive, you could feel it somewhere inside of you, that he was going to be a new reason you held on whenever you found yourself spiraling out of control again.

"...thank you."

* * *

It took close to a week before you'd worked up the courage to pack your things back up and talk to Grillby about going back home. There was a lot of upset on Fuku's part, though you gave her your number and promised you'd come to visit often. And that she could always text you or call you if she wanted to talk about anything, or maybe just needed help with her homework. From what you could understand, the educational system in Underground hadn't been the best, but Fuku was doing her best to catch up to everybody on the surface. She was doing a pretty good job of it, too, and you could tell Grillby was proud of her for it. As he should be, she was a wonderful young woman, it was easy to see she'd be going places in life.

Still, the car ride back home brought a sense of terrible anxiety, and you found yourself frequently reaching towards the back seat just to rest your hand on Lucifer's head. You didn't expect the talk with Gaster to be anything but difficult, however necessary it may be to keep moving forward in your life. Quite frankly, you were still scared of the guy. He'd radiated nothing but bad vibes before, and then he proved he wasn't the best kind of person around. You were the one hurt for it and pushed into another meltdown. Though with any luck, Grillby was right, and setting clear boundaries may help the two of you get along better so far as his research went. Possibly even in your casual lives, too. But part of you was still beyond worried that it wouldn't work, that Gaster would be angry with you, and that things would get even worse. You didn't want things to get worse.

Though as Grillby pulled into your long driveway and you stared at your home, you knew you would **PERSEVERE** regardless of what came. You'd lived through things that could have, and should have, killed you. But you were still alive and breathing. Just a talk wouldn't bring you down, you knew you could do this. An odd sort of confidence took over, straightening your shoulders and taking in a deep breath, slowly exhaling as your friend parked and killed the engine. It was now or never. Giving Grillby a quick sideways glance and nervous smile, you unbuckled and slid out of the passenger seat, turning to open the back to let your service dog out. Pulling your cane from the back seat as well and bracing your weight on it, the bartender escorted you up to the front door, waiting patiently as you pushed it open.

"I'm home!" Looking around the foyer, your cane clicked softly over the hardwood flooring. You barely had enough time to brace for impact when a sudden blur rushed you, squeaking and dropping your cane as Papyrus eagerly lifted you off your feet. "YOU HAVE RETURNED!" Spinning around with you in his arms, the skeleton happily bumped his forehead against your own, giving one of his usual laughs. "I have. I missed you." Sighing, your arms wrapped carefully around his shoulders, returning the little head bump. Maybe that was how skeletons expressed affection? It had to be, seeing as the monster squeezed you tightly and gave another "NYEH HEH HEH!" Man, you missed his hyperactive mannerisms and personality. Peering over his shoulder, you offered Sans a smile as well, the short stack having lazily meandered his way over as well.

"Is your father down in the basement? I need to talk to him. Smooth things over again." Wiggling a bit to signal you wanted to be put down, the skeleton holding you set you back on the floor. Patting his hand in thanks, neither of them had a chance to reply. No, because Gaster was the next to enter the entrance hall, coffee in hand and expression cold.

He looked pissed.

"...I...uh. We need to, erh, we need to talk. Right now. Uhm, immediately, uh—Grillby is gonna help me talk. Uhm." You didn't like the look he was giving you, but as you made to step back to hide behind the fire elemental, a set of disjointed hands abruptly grabbed you and roughly brought you to his side. It was then you realized the look was directed at Grillby, as the hand that wasn't occupied by coffee sharply clutch you shoulder, arm resting against your back. Was that...jealousy? Seriously? This asshole really had the audacity to be jealous that you were spending time with someone else after what happened. Groaning, your hand would come up and drag down over your face. Figures, the mad scientist was just being clingy because someone else took his new pet project away for a while.

This was probably going to be the most awkward talk of your life.

* * *

 **[an] :** _awkwardly fingerguns at all of u. im super bad at updating which doesnt make much sense at all since i tend to write each chapter in like. one sitting. but i am going to try a lot harder to keep the updates coming. my health is still in murky waters right now, but i just wanted to be able to give you guys another chapter while i am feeling well enough to write. as always, **please do leave a review!** i know it seems fairly attention-grabby, but seeing feedback from all of you really does motivate me to keep writing and to keep updating this story. i look forward to moving through this story with all of you and getting to the eventual end! i have the plot all figured out, and ive actually got the storyline for another fic ready once this one is done (though it will be quite a handful of chapters before the end)! a grillster one, actually. my otp. my goopy void daddy and hot cheetoh puff man._


	11. Chapter 11

While you weren't going to complain about Gaster's sudden bout of physical possessiveness over you (quite frankly, you rather liked it), it did leave you in an awkward position. Your eyes flickered back to where your cane lay on the floor, leg giving a painful throb now that you were stuck holding it up to prevent putting too much body weight on it. Papyrus seemed forever oblivious to the entire situation, ranting his greetings at Grillby and apologizing for Sans' tab. Speaking of the short stack, he looked tense, the whites of his eyes having vanished. It wasn't anger, no, you recognized the sheer amount of stress he must be under right now—the tension in the room was rather thick.

Swallowing, you made to pull away from Gaster, but his arm tightened and pulled you harder against him. The awkward motion caused you to stumble, hissing in pain and throwing your arms around his waist to regain balance. "Fucker." It was a low whisper, just loud enough for him to hear it. Though all that seemed to do was amuse him, one of his fingertips taking to drawing circles with his fingertip against your shoulder. Grillby's flames gave an agitated sort of waver, looking just about ready to start a fight; if only because of the grimace on your now paler features. Glancing down at Lucifer, you pointed at your cane and closed your fist, and he was happy to fetch it for you. Leaning over as the dog held it up to you, fingers curling around the handle, you sighed in relief as you could finally alleviate some of the awkward pressure building in your hips.

"Look. Both of you need to stop antagonizing each other. I don't have the energy to be the adult in this situation. Papyrus, go play a video game or something with Sans, okay?" At the mention of his name, Sans seemed to snap out of his nearly dazed state. Just in time for his forever exuberant brother to drag him away into the living room, ranting about playing a game being a good idea. That, of course, the Great Papyrus had also just thought of. "...alright, now. I think we should have this discussion out on the back porch. Sans already worries too much about his father, and Papyrus doesn't need to be hearing any of what we talk about as it is." Shrugging Gaster's arm off your shoulder, you carefully made your way back to Grillby's side.

Much to the doctor's displeasure, expression back to being ice cold. You had to hold back a laugh when he frowned, turning away with what almost seemed like a huff as the fire elemental placed his own hand over your shoulder in the same fashion. Albeit it was a far more comforting and supportive motion as opposed to something overbearing and possessive. "...you can do this. He will understand. But...you have to be honest with him about how it makes you feel...and how you have been feeling. Your mental health is important and it's okay...to put limitations on what he is and isn't allowed to do...for your sake." With a final little squeeze, he gestured for you to lead the way out to the back after Gaster. You were grateful he agreed to come with you and support you, because you were positive this wasn't something you'd have been able to pluck up the courage to do alone.

When the two of you made it out, the other was already sitting at your patio table, coffee resting on it with his hands threaded together in his lap. Swallowing dryly, you sat down at the side of the table, and Grillby opposite Gaster. While you weren't entirely comfortable being between the two, it was probably for the best that neither got too close to the other. That would probably only result in one nasty fight. Awkwardly leaning back as you set your cane down, gesturing for your service dog to go do whatever dogs do in the yard, you found you couldn't quite talk. Your nerves were too frayed and this entire situation was far too intimidating for you to even begin to start.

Giving Gaster an apologetic sort of look, you looked at Grillby more pleadingly. Maybe if he started and got the worst of it over with, you would be able to come back in on the more personal details of things. Catching on to your situation, the fire elemental nodded, casting his own anger at the situation aside for the time being. Leaning forward with his elbows resting on the table, he sighed, flames wavering. "I don't think she is going to be able...to talk out loud about this sort of thing just yet. Allow me to...get the ball rolling, so to speak." One of his glowing hands passed through the flickering flames atop his brow, hesitating as he thought of how to bring it up in a way that would allow you to join in when you were ready.

"What you did before, while in the pursuit of whatever...answer you are seeking for our kind, was completely and totally...out of bounds. You caused [Y / N] to have a very severe mental...and emotional breakdown. It has caused problems that were already there to...intensify. If you continue without regard for her health, then you will end up...killing her. Perhaps not directly but it will be a reason...she may do something drastic. You cannot push someone in her situation but so far before...you risk something terrible taking place. You should know this...better than anyone, Doctor Gaster."

Sitting back, he looked over at you, and your gaze dropped to the table. Of course, you were now painfully aware of two sets of eyes settled on you, and your fingers twitched. You'd love to go roll a joint and forget any of this ever happened, but unless you stood up for yourself now, it wouldn't change. Settling for pulling your cigarettes out of your pocket and stealing Gaster's coffee (something he didn't protest, amazingly), you took a few more moments to recollect yourself before you began.

"Look. There's no point in lying to try and avoid judgment or pity anymore. I am suicidal. I have been for a very long time, something I'm sure you've kinda...picked up on here and there." Looking up at Gaster, you almost recoiled in shame. His expression, while stoic as ever, held some note of softness and he was watching you carefully. Unable to deal with that, your gaze dropped again, taking a sip from the mug you'd snagged from him. "...you read the diaries, Gaster. You...everything...everything, you know everything and..." Your shoulders quivered, opting for a long drag off your cigarette next.

"...I can't just...I'm not...look, I haven't been able to get over most of that stuff. I don't think I ever will be fully healed, nobody would be. Trauma leaves scars. And sure, scars can fade, but will always be there. I'm not ready, nor do I think I will ever be ready, for such an...intense approach to things. I'm just not. I can't deal with memories being thrown back at me, I can't deal with having things I've intentionally repressed suddenly opened back up, I can't...I can't..." Hands trembling, you leaned back, pointedly staring out into the yard to avoid looking at either one of them. Flicking excess ash away, you quietly smoked for a few minutes before you bothered to try talking again.

"...I'm really not that strong of a person, you know. I always feel like I'm barely managing to hang on, most days. My mind is a mess...my body likely won't last me too long. I have too many health problems and I do too many stupid things. Most of the time I don't think there's much of a point in continuing. Not when everything is always bad...always. My past was shit and no matter how hard I try to keep putting one foot in front of the other, there's always something else to drag me back down again. My health is always pretty terrible. Hell, I can't even catch a cold without ending up with pneumonia. I'm just not healthy in any sort of way and..."

Sighing, you managed to look back at the both of them, partly soothed by the fact both men seemed to have put aside their aggression towards one another for the time being. "Gaster, you can't do that to me again. If Grillby hadn't been around, if he hadn't come to get me when I called for help, I don't think I would have woken up the next day. I would have done something to myself if I hadn't had him and Fuku to keep watch over me and help me get back to myself. I still...am afraid I am going to do something to myself because of it. Having...so much thrown back into my face, I just..." You suddenly felt hollow, looking down blankly, mind whirring. It really was too much...it was all too much. But you could recognize this breakdown coming on, though you didn't quite feel the need to try and ignore it.

You wanted to cry. No, you needed to cry. Too much time and effort had gone into pretending you were fine, and it had only done more damage than not. Tears welled up and began to spill over your cheeks, and you snuffled a tad. "I want to die and I don't want to die at the same time. I want to die to get away from it all. All the memories and the pain, away from a life I know isn't ever going to go right for me. But I don't want to. I have friends that would miss me, I have you guys, I have Lucifer to worry about...dying would hurt people and I don't want to hurt anyone like that. There's people that depend on me and I don't want to let them down and..."

Choking, you began crying harder, hands coming up to cover your face as you sobbed.

"I want to keep waking up and h-having coffee, I wa-wanna be able to come downstairs and help Papyrus with his morning puzzles in the newspaper and I wanna keep b-be-being sarcastic towards you and I wanna play games with Sans and...and I wanna keep working with Grillby and coming over to visit him and Fuku and..." Gasping for breath as you cried, you pulled your knees up to your chest, hiding your face against them as well.

"I wanna get better and I can't get better if you keep hurting me, Gaster! I want to know what it's like to love being alive, I want to know what it's like to be gr-grateful for the air in my lungs, I want...I want to know what it's like to really want to be alive and...please...please don't make me live through my past again, I can't...not again, never again, I can't...if we're going to continue with your experiments then...then we need to figure something out. A safe word or something so you will stop when I need things to stop so I can recover and..." Shoulders sagging, you were somewhat aware of Gaster's chair shifting closer to yours, an arm settling over your back and the other stroking your hair. Oddly soft for him, but perhaps he was just trying to offer whatever comfort he could with him being the one who caused this whole mess to begin with.

"...I'm in your care, please take care of me. Grillby agreed to let me come home, but I'm not...it's not safe to not keep an eye on me. Not just yet. I haven't...gone back to hurting myself, but I want to. I haven't tried anything yet, but I want to. Please protect me, Gaster. I want to come home, I want to be here, but I can't unless you'll take care of me. So...please."

It hurt to say that much. Quite frankly, your pride and dignity were both in shattered pieces. It hurt to finally admit that you weren't capable of keeping yourself together anymore, though you knew it wasn't your fault. There were a lot of people who wouldn't have been able to **PERSEVERE** through what you had. You'd lived through hell and you weren't quite out of the woods yet, and this had been quite a setback for you. But you felt yourself being shifted over and into someone's lap, arms linked lazily around your curled up form. The lack of excessive warmth told you it wasn't Grillby who decided to keep you close while you tried to recover, and that fact set your heart to fluttering rapidly in your chest.

Figures, you were in breakdown mode and still wanted to jump Gaster. That's fine, you were fairly certain this was just more proof you were all sorts of fucked up, but it was fine. As the tears finally began to slow down, your eyes tiredly opened, limp against the monster's chest. Grillby was sitting pensively across from the two of you, giving you a nod before getting up and straightening himself out. Seems like the two men had a silent agreement going on, the bartender stepping closer to ruffle your hair before he left you in Gaster's care.

Silence fell for a while, your dog coming closer to lay at Gaster's feet, and you were just about ready to take a very much deserved nap. "I'm sorry things played out like this, Doctor Gaster, I should have tried talking to you first, but...I couldn't." Pushing away from his chest, yet remaining seated on his thighs, you shakily rubbed at your watery eyes. "I was scared of making you mad at me. I don't want you to be mad at me. Your anger is kinda...scary." That confession earned you a chuckle, squeaking as he moved you over back into your own seat. Fidgeting, you opted to mess with the hem of your shirt, back to being unable to look at him. Man, this was so awkward. Everything was awkward. But at least you'd managed it all well enough without letting the whole crush shebang slip. Lord knows how he'd use that against you.

"Testing will need to continue, you've had some time off, now. But I will do as you wish, and I will stop as necessary to allow you to catch your bearings. Perhaps I will start looking into how your soul reacts to more...positive stimulus. Come along." You hardly had time to react when he got back to his feet, taking his coffee mug with him as he disappeared inside. Already? Well, you can't say you were expecting much else out of him. But this was something comfortable, you had to admit. You were both work-a-holics in a sense, you couldn't very well blame him. After all, you were gone for a while, and you did still want to keep moving forward in whatever weird experiments he had in mind.

After all, if you could help figure out how to keep monster kind safe from any further incidents, you were more than willing to put your best foot forward. Still, it took you a moment to gather yourself before you were able to get back up onto your feet. Leaning on your cane and your dog close to your side, you made your way inside and down into the basement.

* * *

Well, you hadn't expected Gaster to start things off by giving you a checkup. Sitting stiffly on the metal table, your brows furrowed as he took your blood pressure in silence. "I, uh...what's this for?" You couldn't help but be curious, this wasn't something he was all that interested in before. Aside from the physical problems that weighed heavily on your soul, anyways. "Just testing a theory, that's all." Moving back and writing something down, a thermometer was stuck in your mouth, the monster waiting patiently for a few moments before it went off. Another series of notes taken, his clipboard set aside, and then he held his hand out to you.

Watching it and then looking at his face, you cautiously put your hand in his, and he helped you down from the table. Still, he kept your hand, the other hovering over your chest as he began coaxing that sickly little heart from inside of you. The hand holding and overall touchy-feely nature he'd adopted since the moment you returned had you a little on edge. Was he this possessive over all of his experiments? You hadn't really been gone that long, had you? Still, you opted to keep your mouth shut for now, looking at your cracked and mottled soul with a bit of forlorn expression. Not even your miniature vacation, filled with lots of love n' care from the two fire elementals, seemed to have made any difference. You didn't know why you were expecting any different. It would take so much more than just that to help start the healing process.

A relaxed hum pulled from your lips as one of Gaster's fingers traced over the center of it, that familiar warmth spreading through your veins. "Hey, is this something everybody does? I mean...this sort of thing kinda feels like it would be intimate for monsters." It was a genuine question on your part, and he glanced at you with a brief smirk. "It is intimate. After all, this is your soul I've been touching." Another stroke and despite how wonderfully pain free he managed to make you feel, you still gave him a glare. "I wanna see yours, then. Fair's fair." His finger paused before it crooked back in, giving your soul another slow sort of rub. "My, then this entire situation would be even more indecent." You knew it was just a tease being made on account of your ignorance, but it still caused your features to turn cherry red.

Though as you hadn't relented, he stopped, hand falling away from yours. "You're a stubborn little thing, child. But very well." Stepping back, allowing your soul to hover on its own in front of you, he took a moment. A deep breath in, palm open in front of his own chest, and he slowly began to extract his own. It took a few moments before it phased through him, hovering just as still as yours was. Lowering his hand, Gaster's expression was impassive, closely watching you as you stared at it. That couldn't be a healthy soul, there was no way it was.

While it was larger than yours, it held the same feeble quality. White and faintly beating, mottled with pure black cracks and seeming to ooze a black sort of tar. Small, white flecks that had broken away simply wavered next to it, giving off faint flickers of light on their own. But for the way it looked, you couldn't help but allow your hand to come up, palm hesitating just beside it. "...it reminds me of a black hollyhock, I have some growing in the garden, actually..." Slowly, you would trace your finger over its surprisingly smooth surface, completely missing the sharp inhale Gaster made in response. Both hands moved to cradle it carefully, as it were made of glass and any small mishap would hurt him, observing it with rapt interest. His soul was very...

"Gaster...your soul is beautiful." It was a soft, breathy exhale on your part, lips pulling up into a smile. He hadn't been expecting that, tensing and momentarily letting his uncaring facade slip as shock settled on his features. But you didn't see that, no, you were entranced with what he was allowing you to hold in your hands. "...hey, I'm going to do something weird, is that okay?" You hadn't confessed to him earlier, but this seemed like the time that you really should. When he said neither yes or no, you brought his soul closer to your face. With all the gentleness in the world, wishing him nothing but comfort and all the best despite what he'd done to you before, you pressed the softest kiss you could manage to the center of his damaged soul.

He went still, face garnering a good dusting of dark purple, and you still refused to look at him, holding that now rapidly beating heart back out to him. Without a word, he pressed it back into himself, and a very uncomfortable silence fell. Your own soul was flickering wildly with your nerves, and you found yourself wishing you knew how to shove it back in. Goodness knows it wasn't helping matters any. But even if you had somehow figured it out, it wouldn't have mattered. Gaster's hand would come to cup it again, his other finding purchase at your waist. Momentarily panicking, you looked up at him (though his blush had faded by then), fearful you'd done something dreadfully wrong. But instead, his thumb would move in a slight swirling motion over the center of that purple little thing, and your legs went weak.

Gasping, your hands would grip at the front of his sweater to try and maintain balance, a shiver making its way along your spine. The arm around your waist moved down, hoisting you up by bracing under your thighs. "I, uhm. Did I do something really bad, I didn't me—ah..." Your arms moved to cling to him, body pressed tightly against his own as he repeated that same motion. It was warm, but a different sort of warm. The kind that made your lower stomach feel tense, the sort that made you tremble as if you were cold. As he did it again, you ground your hips against his to cope with the almost desperate need he was inducing, panting as Gaster only chuckled. Stepping forward and resting your bottom on the same table he'd only just helped you down from, you let him lay you back on it, legs remaining loosely wrapped around his waist.

"Interesting..." It was another experiment, wasn't it? But it felt nice, and he had taken to rolling his hips to grind himself against you. One of your hands moved, gripping the side of the table, desperately moving with him. Figures your physical attraction to guy was being used, but it could still be considered positive stimulus. Likely not what either of you had in mind to begin with—well, no, he'd made it clear he wanted to see how you reacted to this sort of thing before. But not now, certainly not after that talk earlier. Though you felt no need to stop just yet, whimpering when his fingertip ghosted over your soul, now glowing just a tad brighter from being so worked up.

"Doctor, please—ahn, this isn't—mmh..." As you spoke, his free hand came to rest over your stomach, fingers splayed as he continued to rock his hips into you. Panting, your head lolled to the side, eyes closed as you felt his fingers work their way up to your chest. You were uncomfortably turned on already, able to feel the wet fabric of your panties rubbing against you each time he moved. Gaster paused, watching you for a moment, asking lightly, "do I need to stop? Am I going too far?" He allowed you to catch your breath, and you were more than slightly confused about all of it.

"I don't...um, is this...are you...okay, is this, uhm. Are you just trying to see how my soul reacts to this sort of thing? I mean, if you want to go ahead and get that test over with, then...ah, what I did, was that...did it, uhm. Did I...uh..." Well, now you just felt like a blushing virgin. How hard was it to ask if you'd accidentally turned him on and he was only reacting? But it seems he caught on to what you were trying to ask well enough, sneering before he leaned over, face to face with you. "Perhaps you did. But this is a bit more...I don't take kindly to others just taking what is mine from me." His head dipped, and you tensed as you felt something cool and wet swipe over your throat. "You were gone for quite some time, pet..." The hand that had been resting just below your breasts shifted upwards, easily covering one and giving it a brief squeeze. He laughed softly against your neck as your back arched, whining at him.

"You see, monsters leave something of a scent on those they claim. Perhaps I will be able to...discourage him from taking you away from me again. You are quite the interesting little thing..." Leaning back away from you again, you weren't able to catch sight of what you were certain was a tongue before. "Grillby isn't into me like that, Gaster. And I don't like him like that. He's a friend, and a very good one. If I want to go visit him again, you aren't going to be able to stop me." Part of you was fairly annoyed about the whole ordeal, but that was pushed to the back of your mind as he pressed your soul back into your chest. Instead, both of his hands came to grip your hips, pulling you forward so your ass was barely off the edge of the table.

Pushing himself against you, hard, his simple rutting resumed, and you were back to a panting mess.

"A-ah, stop." He did so immediately, watching your flustered features carefully. "I'm, uh...look. This. Uh, not in front of the dog. Lucifer's still down here. It's weird, and uh...I'm...okay. I have nothing against, you know, casual hook ups. It's all cool if someone is into that, I'm not judging. But I really don't want to end up attached to you, Gaster. I don't. I don't want to let you do whatever it is you're planning on doing to me when I know whatever does manage to come up between us certainly won't last. I don't think I'm your type, anyways." Sheepish, you looked away from him, embarrassed and unsure of how to really convey what you were saying. Just because you were into him didn't mean you'd let him screw you because he thinks he owns you. Even if you did kinda want him to do just that and own you. Damn kinks.

Gaster's fingers took to rubbing at your hips, processing for a moment. "Perhaps we could simply say this encounter is...I do believe you would say 'no strings attached'? Human sayings are strange. Besides... I have read your diaries. I know quite a few things about you." He had a point, he probably knew all of your gross secrets. "Wouldn't it be nice to just let me take care of you? If I recall, you rather...like the idea of being spoiled. Fucked hard, and doted on the rest of the time. I must say, I'm quite fond of that myself." Gaster allowed you to scoot back a bit and set up, timidly staring up at him from behind your lashes. "Stop using my kinks against me, dude, not cool." Without any sort of real agitation behind it, you lightly pushed at his chest, but you hadn't unhooked your legs from around him yet. You were a grade A trashy masochist, no sense denying it. Part of you knew it was probably some weird way of coping with your past and your current predicament. But when it came to pain that you did get to have control over, it was a turn on.

"...I just don't want to like you any more than I already do. I don't want to give anybody anymore chances to hurt me. After everything we've just gone through from before and just in general..." You had looked away from him, though he would turn your face back towards his own. "I don't think I'd be able to handle any sort of relationship, Gaster. Even if we were just really weird friends with benefits. It wouldn't last and I'd be hurt again. I can't take but so much before I break. Besides...I don't think you like me the way I like you. I think you just want to own me." But you still didn't stop him when he leaned in close, nipping at your neck. Your arms would wrap around his shoulders, head lolling back as your eyes closed again.

"Mmh..."

The monster laughed at your throat, hands moving to slip up the back of your shirt, intent on unclasping your bra. As you made to raise your arms so he could pull both articles of clothing off of you, the sound of the basement door opening and someone coming down the steps stopped you both. Squeaking, you hurriedly slid back away from him, fixing your attire and hair, whereas Gaster seemed to step behind the table to hide his lower half. Man, you were both acting like guilty teenagers. The thought caused you to have to muffle a laugh, though you were still smiling when Sans finally got to the bottom of the stairs and strolled in.

You weren't sure if you should be relived or angry about the interruption, but the sour expression on Gaster's face finally made you laugh, turning away from the both of them as you giggled.

Okay, seeing him look like he'd just bit into a lemon was worth it.

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 **[an] :** _look at this. an update that didnt take a whole month to do. im proud of myself, pff. okay, this update did come in pretty fast. but i just felt bad for taking so long with these last two chapters. not sure how quickly the next one will be done. i had fun with this one, and especially with getting tension set up between those two. as always, **please do leave a review!** i very much enjoy reading them._


	12. Chapter 12

**note:** _there's sex in this chapter. gross monster dick ahead. no ecto-dicks here, ladies and gentlemen and nonbinary readers. just a big ol' gross monster dick because i enjoy writing gross monster on human sex. albeit, its extremely tame in comparison to what i have planned for future chapters. enjoy the sin, friends._

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The silence that fell over the lab was thick and almost deafening, save for the fact you were very obviously trying your best not to keel over in laughter. Gaster's disapproving glance shot towards you only made that task even more difficult, and you gave a wheeze before bursting back into another fit of giggles. Sans didn't seem to mind your laughter, his permanent grin growing just a tad. Something told you he knew exactly what he walked in on, and his father's reactions to the both of you finally managed to get him to start chuckling.

With the two of you both snickering and giggling away at the monster's overly sour expression, he gave an annoyed sort of sigh, one of his hands dragging over his face. "What did you need, Sans?" His head tilted forward, mouth seeming to be pressed into a thin line with his irritation. "oh, nothin'. just have a... _bone_ ta pick with ya." The skeleton would fingergun after delivering his pun, and the entire ordeal finally had you in full blown laughter. Only Sans would make a pun during something like this, but you would go ahead and slide down from the metal table.

Of course, with the work up before and still being worked up, your legs were a bit jellified. One top of the usual aches and pains, it didn't really surprise you when your bad knee gave out. But you didn't bother bracing for impact this time around, after all, Gaster was in the room. And he'd never let you fall before when he was around. Thankfully, you were right, the tall man had quickly sidestepped around the table to wrap one of his arms about your midsection, steadying you where you stood. "Thank you." While the support wasn't unwelcome, his touch had your stomach full of butterflies, and you pointedly avoided looking at him. "I'll, uh, just head upstairs so you two can chat." This just went from funny to embarrassing, really.

"Very well, pet. I'll be up momentarily." Without regard for the fact his son was there, Gaster's free hand moved, the backs of his fingers stroking over your cheek. The affection made you freeze, blinking owlishly up at him. Really? In front of Sans? It wasn't like the guy was into you. Well, beyond physically and his interest in your soul. But there was room for doubt as his palm moved to rest along the underside of your jaw, his face dipping down to softly plant kisses over your now reddened features. Was he just showing off in front of his kid? He had to be. That's definitely what it was, just trying to be macho in front of his son about having a chick to be all over.

Gaster waited to release you until Lucifer had gotten up from where he was laying and your hand was safely on his harness, waving you off. As you managed to dazedly make your way to the stairs, Sans winked at you, and you quickened your pace in humiliation. What a jerk! Was he just trying to embarrass you? It had to of been on purpose. Or your theory about showing off was right. But the whole showing off thing just wouldn't make sense, Gaster was way too egotistical to ever actually worry about trying to be all big and bad. It really just wouldn't suit his personality. And after the talk the both of you rather literally just had earlier that day, he wouldn't go out of his way to upset you.

Though that didn't leave you any options. There wasn't a snowball's chance in Hell he was actually into you. He was a genius, famous even. What could you possibly offer him that he wouldn't grow bored of? Even your soul, once he figured it out, would lose its novelty, no doubt. Gaster was known worldwide for his diplomatic efforts, his research, all that he did. And yet he and his family had settled down with you in your little farm house on the outskirts of the city. Surely he could have lived anywhere in the world, but why you? Why did everything play out the way it had? Your soul being the way it was, his decision to move his family in, meeting everybody and starting this next chapter of your life.

Truth be told, it was kind of overwhelming, and by the time you'd successfully climbed the stairs, you were ready for some coffee. Letting go of Lucifer's harness to give him break, you cautiously limped your way along the aged, hardwood flooring, holding onto the wall as need be. Your thoughts were a chaotic mess, desperately trying to make sense of your situation. For goodness' sake, you'd even met the monster ambassador themselves! And Mettaton! Plus, you found a wonderful friend in both Grillby and Fuku, and some of the other regulars at the bar. There were good things happening in your life, despite all the bad, and perhaps it scared you.

The idea of Gaster liking you back was frightening. Were you even emotionally and mentally capable of handling a relationship? You had your doubts about yourself. What would being with him even entail? Would he prefer dating for a while before officially becoming an item? Would you ever be a thing with him? Groaning as you came to lean against your kitchen counter, you glowered moodily at your coffee maker as if it held the answers and was keeping them from you. When it came down to it, he knew everything about you from your diaries, and you still knew next to nothing of him. Well, maybe not. Maybe he didn't know you very well as a person, on a real level. And you had to admit, while you understood his personality and felt you could come to interact with him with far more ease, the both of you needed to learn more of each other.

So if he was interested, then perhaps going out on a few dates first and spending more time together when possible would be the wiser course of action. A dry, humorless snort escaped you. His idea of a date was probably running more tests on your soul down in that basement laboratory of his. Not that you'd complain, probably. You didn't mind doing what you could to help all of your new friends, even if all you could do was grit your teeth through some pretty painful stuff. Still...things had gotten pretty heated between the two of you, and thinking about it made your face flush. With a bit more force than absolutely necessary, you opened a cabinet and yanked a coffee mug out, setting it down and fidgeting with the small variety of different single serve cups you had. Dryly, you mentally made a remark to yourself about probably having a bit more cash to spare if you didn't have such picky tastes about your coffee, cigarettes, and booze. But those were the three things you refused to buy cheap.

Sighing as you picked one out and popped it into the machine, you leaned against the counter, waiting for it to brew. Was your life ever going to settle down into something peaceful and quiet? All you wanted was a nice, quiet existence. Though it seems the universe had other plans for you, and maybe you needed this, maybe you needed all this chaos to start moving forward. You'd been stagnant long enough. A bit of change would help shake things up. Besides, it isn't like you expected your feelings for Gaster to amount to much of anything, even if he returned some of them. Why not just give it a go? If the worst came to pass, the two of you would just break up. Or maybe he'd end up moving out; that thought caused you to pause, tensing up. Would he if the two of you didn't work out? You wouldn't like that at all. You came back home because you missed him, because you missed his sons.

This house wouldn't be a home to you anymore if they left. For as little time that had passed in the grand scheme of things, the family of three had already made such a large impact on your life. You really couldn't imagine your future without them, and that was a scary realization to come to. When had you grown attached? Had it been immediate? Was it something new? You hadn't a clue, but you had to bite back a groan at yourself as you pulled your coffee cup away from the machine once it was filled. Not bothering with any sort of sugar or creamer, you blew on its steaming surface before taking a slow sip, staring off into space. Your life was just getting weirder and more tangled up, but in a way, you didn't mind at all. It wouldn't bother you a single bit if it just got more and more tangled, as long as it was Gaster and his boys you were stuck with as a result. Man, you still needed to ask him why he decided to move in with you. Maybe you'd ask whenever he and Sans came back up from the basement.

Part of you distinctly recalled Gaster's own house rules, especially pertaining to his basement and bedroom. Then again, Sans had known about his experiments before, it was possible that the skeleton ran some of his own as well. He certainly put off a sort of lazy genius vibe, anyways. Hey, you could be wrong, and maybe those rules were only being applied to you. That'd be some shit, though, but then again, Sans and Papyrus were his sons, of course they'd have far more leeway than you. With your thoughts unable to focus on just one thing, you groaned before limping your way to the back door, Lucifer trotting along beside you. "Y'need to go potty, Luci? Yeah? Lets go outside." Laughing softly at how easily your dog switched from service animal to overgrown puppy, tail wagging and body wiggling, you managed to pull the sliding door open, watching him take off outside.

Maybe one day you would be healthy enough to let him always just be a dog. You'd like that. He took such good care of you all the time, and in all honesty, saved your life on far too many occasions. Lucifer deserved a good life, you could only hope you'd be able to give it to him as time went on. Moving slowly as to not agitate your nerves any further than they already were, you found your usual spot at your patio table, sinking back into your chair with a relieved sigh. You know, maybe things were going to work out. Things had been getting more manageable lately, breakdown aside, and maybe things wouldn't end up going straight back to shit again. Nothing could ever be as bad as your past was, and that part of your life was over. You knew that. You faced your main abuser down in court, you stood up to him, and he was locked away for the rest of his life for what he'd done to you.

Nothing in this life of yours could ever be as hard as that was, nothing would be more damaging and soul shattering than that. Even if you were still struggling to try and live with it all, you knew you'd never be pushed back to that breaking point. Cracked and damaged soul and all, part of you felt ready to acknowledge it was okay to start moving on, now. You were finally standing up for yourself more, and it had turned out well. Gaster was willing to work with you to keep you from getting hurt in terms of his research, and you couldn't imagine he'd actively try to hurt you if you were both to test the waters. Eyes closing, you took another slow sip of coffee, lips feebly pulling into a smile as tears began to well up behind closed lids.

Is this what freedom really felt like? Was this what safety felt like? You didn't know, all you knew is that you'd had a very hectic day, and everything felt like it was going to be okay. That you were going to be okay, that you could possibly start working on being okay with your trauma and your illnesses. There was nothing wrong with being mentally ill, it was okay to be the way you were. Even the worst of your symptoms for things, that was okay, wasn't it? You didn't have to be anybody other than yourself, even if you were a bit dinged up and faced way too many challenges, you'd be okay in the end. You had your friends, your dog, your home. And there was your job at Grillby's, too, you were getting along fantastically with all the regulars who came in. This was your life, now, and it was okay that you were ready to finally take control of it. It had taken you a long time, and you knew it'd be even longer before you were really where you'd like to be, but each step was going to be a step forward.

The sound of footsteps on the deck caused you to open your eyes again, hurriedly rubbing those few tears away as you sat up straight. Looking up to see Gaster coming to sit down beside you brought a smile to your lips, setting your coffee down on the table and turning your body to face him. Albeit, you felt a blush staining your cheeks and neck, but who could blame you after what just transpired down in the basement? Anyone would be flustered and possibly a bit embarrassed. Swallowing and timidly rubbing the back of your head, your gaze flicked up to his face, blush only growing in intensity as you noticed he was staring at you. "What? Did I spill coffee on myself?" Self conscious, your fingertips touched to your lips, blinking owlishly.

"Not at all. However, I have something to discuss with you. It seems Sans may have...ah...let some of what we were working on slip to Alphys, who then discussed it on Twitter. Only that I was experimenting with a should be broken soul to discover what is keeping it together, not that I was planning on using my findings to make monsters stronger." He leaned back, one leg crossing over the other. You could understand that, goodness knows how humans would react to something like that. But that didn't seem to be the end of it, so you patiently waited for Gaster to continue. "It seems I, and by extension, you, have been invited to something of a conference. Where bright minds of every background present projects they are working on to garner support from other professionals, and backing from those willing to sponsor them."

Slowly, you picked your coffee back up, taking a sip. "Are you trying to ask me if it's alright if we go do...whatever? I mean...it sounds a bit harrowing. I'm not really, y'know, good with crowds. Much less strangers knowing something so personal about myself. But if you think we'd gain support, that you would gain support, then okay. I don't think we should outright say it's to help make monsters stronger, there'd be way too much public backlash. But if you want to, then I'll go with you. Just...if...if we do get any sort of support or anyone who wants to help with the project, uhm. I don't...want anyone else to handle my soul, okay? Just you...you're the only one allowed to draw it out of me and touch it." Looking away, you knew you were visibly uncomfortable with the idea overall, and you set your mug back down. A white hand covering one of your own brought your attention back to his stoic features, though something about them hinted at an underlying emotion.

"You're mine, or have I not made that clear? No one will be allowed near you without my permission. But...I suppose I should thank you, I believe having some backing will allow us to explore further. Fresh ideas for stimulus and things to test." He drew back away from you again, and your heart was thundering in your chest. His? What did that mean? Did this guy just up and decide something like that on his own? "...oi. I belong to myself, you only get to have me if I say so." Well, you tried to bite your tongue, but what was left of your pride just wouldn't have it. Huffing and looking away from him, you crossed your arms over your chest in a defiant fashion. Though you stole a quick look his way when you heard him begin chuckling in response, one of his hands resting on the table and the other drumming absently on his knee.

This guy sure knew how to get you riled up, but maybe that fed into your attraction to him. Irritated and exhaling sharply, you shot Gaster a short glare, arching an eyebrow at him. "Do wipe that look off of your face, girl, or I'll have to make you." His baritone carried a note of laughter despite being so serious, and your heart continued to flutter almost painfully in your chest. "Oh, really? Try it, I'll bite you, hot shot." Yep, he definitely tended to draw out your more argumentative side. At least when he wasn't making you actually fear for your life, at any rate. But you hadn't expected him to actually take you up on your challenge, falling totally silent when he summoned a set of disjointed hands to pick you up and move you into his lap, shifting his leg out of the way as they did. Face burning brighter and brighter red, you couldn't quite form any sort of coherent statement as he pressed your back against his chest, an arm lazily slung over your waist.

Finally, you did manage to blurt something out.

"Do you like me? As in, like-like me? Cuz I mean, you already know I like-like you, I, uh."

There you go, another embarrassing memory to throw onto the steadily growing pile of times you'd made a fool out of yourself. Though it seems your crudely worded question didn't cause any offense or eye rolling, instead one of the disjointed hands took to playing with your hair and the other one absently rested on your thigh. "I am attracted to you, yes." His face dipped down, feeling his breath against your ear, "but you already know that, don't you?" Thankfully he sat back up and you were willing your heart to find its chill, making a little noise of acknowledgment. "But...I mean, y'know, in a more emotional sense, not just physical." You held your breath as you waited for him to respond, not entirely sure what to expect. "In that regard, I am interested in pursuing a relationship with you." The backs of his real fingers trailed up and down your arm, and you felt yourself relax back against him exponentially. "Really? I mean, me? You're interested in something like that with me? I'm not, uhm, you know...you're extremely intelligent and a bit...y'know. I'm just kind of a ditz and I have way too many health concerns and...uh..."

You trailed off because you felt his chest rise and fall with silent laughter, and you found yourself frowning. What a jerk! Possibly your jerk, but a jerk all the same. "You do have a horrid habit of talking down on yourself, girl. We'll need to fix that." Refraining in your urge to elbow him, you contented yourself with something of an angry sigh, glaring out into the yard. "Well, if we're going to try, y'know. Being a thing, I think we should probably try dating first, talk a bit more. Just to get to know each other better before we decide to try any sort of serious relationship. I don't want to get invested in something and get my hopes up and get crushed for it later." It seems he understood that well enough, as he offered no objections. "That is all good and well, but do keep in mind that you belong to me from this point on." That again? You were gonna fight him, even though you most certainly wouldn't win. "Guess I should update my Facebook relationship status then." It was a sarcastic sort of tease on your part, rolling your eyes as you made to move off of his lap.

Of course, he was having none of that, arm tightening about your middle and keeping you firmly in place. "Lemme up." Your voice was whiny, and you internally scolded yourself for it. But Gaster opted to remain silent, getting to his feet and bring you with him. One arm found purchase under your knees, the other supporting your back with ease, the summoned hands hovering about the two of you. "I think not. I believe we were...interrupted before." His eyes flicked down to you, smile seeming to grow, and you found yourself shrinking against his body with an incomprehensible, sputtered response. Sure, things had gotten heated, and definitely would have gone farther before. But now it was settled that you were both in a sort-of relationship, wasn't he moving a bit fast? Though you didn't mind, and you certainly wouldn't say no to letting things play out, you just didn't have much experience in relationships. Well, not healthy ones, at any rate.

You were both consenting adults, all things considered, was it really anyone's business if you did decide to let things progress? Swallowing, you turned your gaze away from his own, pressing yourself closer to his chest. Taking that as your silently given permission, the monster made his way inside with you in tow, seeming more than just a little smug. Much like a cat with a saucer of warm milk, if you had to make any sort of comparison. Lips curling into a smile, you did your best not to giggle at the mental image of Gaster as any sort of feline, hiding your face against his sweater. Though you did peek out from his chest to keep track of where he was taking you, blinking as you found yourself outside of his bedroom door. One of the summoned hands opened it, and after he'd stepped in, closed it and locked it behind the both of you. If you had to pick just one word to describe how he'd set his bedroom up, you'd have to go with modern.

The furniture he moved in it was all very sleek, new looking and very well up kept. Minimalist in design, though arranged in a way that made the space feel almost cozy and lived in. There were a variety of books scattered about, most snug in place on a bookshelf in the corner of the room. You didn't have much of a chance to really look around, however, squeaking as you were dropped onto his bed. There wasn't much time to react before he was on top of you, knees between your thighs and his hands resting on either side of your shoulders. Blood rushing in your ears, your head tilted back, staring up at him like a deer caught in headlights. His mouth shifted from that ever present black smile into something more like lips, something you'd only caught a glimpse of when he'd drank his coffee before, and the monster snickered down at your curious sort of gaze. As Gaster drew nearer to you, you fought the want to hold your breath, feeling more and more inexperienced as the mere seconds flitted by. His lips only briefly covered yours, pausing to nip at your lower lip.

Uncertain of what to do, your hands came to rest on his shoulders, waiting til he released it to press a kiss of your own to his mouth. Lowering himself down to rest on one of his elbows, he leaned into the kiss, and you let your eyes slowly close as his other hand came to rest at the side of your face. Breaking it, his lips pressed chaste kisses against your skin, working his way along your jaw and down to your neck. A moan pulled from your lips as you felt his teeth dig in, squirming under him, fingers gripping at his top. Part of you knew that if the both of you continued, you'd very quickly hit the point of no return you'd been hoping to delay. But it felt like it'd be alright, that things wouldn't fall apart on you before you were ready. Head tilting back and eyes remaining closed, you decided to indulge yourself, whispering softly, "harder, Gaster, make me bleed."

His response was a low growl against your throat, jaw clenching, and as his teeth sank into flesh, another sound tumbled from your lips. Y'see, you liked certain kinds of pain. Not the pain you had to live with, no, but this kind was just fine. Always a masochistic person, and the extreme sort at that. Something Gaster should know, after all, he'd read about all your disgusting kinks before. And it seems he was going to use that knowledge to his advantage, disjointed hands taking hold of your wrists and slamming your hands down against the mattress. The hand that had been cradling your face so gently before was now slipping down your side, stopping at the bottom of your shirt, fingertips just underneath the thin fabric. Sliding it up, he let go of your neck, nipping at the puncture wounds he'd left with blood smeared over his lips. Bloodied kisses were trailed back up your neck, under your jaw, before he took to nibbling on the lobe of your ear.

Yet another summoned hand joined his real one, and the fabric was bunched up in his closed fists, roughly torn open. The action brought a gasp from your lips, the cool bedroom air over your exposed skin a sharp contrast to the warmth trickling down your neck. His hips pressed down against yours, rubbing and grinding as his hands reached under you, unclasping your bra, releasing your wrists just long enough to pull it off of you and toss it to the side. Head lolling to the side, you were reduced to hurried panting, rolling your hips in time with his as his mouth began working its way down again. Gaster paused briefly over one of your collarbones, teeth sharply nipping at sensitive skin, only to resume his gentle kissing as he moved lower. Firm lips met one of your nipples, and you couldn't help but whine at him, back arching just a tad. Lips became teeth, teasing the sensitive bud, and from behind them was his tongue brushing against the tip of it.

"Ga—aster..." It was a breathy sigh, shivering as warmth spread rapidly through your delicate system, wrapping your legs around his hips. His teeth eased up, only so his mouth could cover it entirely, sucking lightly on your breast. Another moan pulled from you, desperately pushing yourself against him, trembling. Letting go, he laughed against your dampened skin, glancing up at you with a smirk sprawled lazily over his face. Whether they were his own or just more summoned hands, you couldn't tell, though there were fingers pinching and twisting both of your nipples, and you were again reduced to whimpering as his mouth worked its way lower. Soft licks and kisses trailed down your stomach, pulling away from you as your pants were undone and pulled off of you, panties taken with them. It felt odd, being exposed to him, something that must've shown in your expression as his ministrations paused.

The monster waited, looking up at you, a silent query. Breathless and nervous, you chewed on your lower lip before nodding. Gaster's mouth found the side of your inner thigh, kissing over your flesh and sighing in contentment as his hands resumed their work, and you felt your heart flutter. He was clearly playing to what both of you liked in bed, but he was still making sure you were comfortable. Was this how it normally worked? You didn't know, you hadn't had a partner ever stop to make sure you were really alright with everything before. Kisses became nips, and nips became bites. His teeth dug relentlessly into supple flesh, blood oozing freely down your skin, and you cried out. Another hand, or perhaps one of the ones already summoned, found itself wrapped around your throat, squeezing. You struggled to take in another breath before he applied just enough pressure to stop you from being able to freely get air in and out of your lungs, pushing your head firmly back into the bed.

Teeth slid free from your skin, and you felt his cool tongue rub over the wounds he left, seeming to savour how your blood tasted. The action made you shudder, painfully aware of just how wet you were. Something that only became more evident as his head turned, dipping to almost eagerly kiss your clit. An almost muted whimper caught in your chest, feeling light headed as you felt a finger slip into you, your toes curling as your hips raised from the bed just slightly. The hand around your throat eased up to allow you to breathe again just as you became a touch too light headed, and you greedily gasped for air, murmuring his name. Perhaps it was the sheer need in your voice that spurned him on, mouth moving away from where he'd been softly kissing at you, solitary digit pulling back out of your cunt. His summoned hands flitted away from you, getting up just long enough to strip himself down.

You sat up slightly, body weight perched on your elbows, watching him with your chest nearly heaving with your breathing. It was interesting to watch, you had to admit. Gaster's hands and arms, up to the elbow, were mostly skeletal in nature. But from there, he had pure white flesh, muscular and toned. The skin of his neck and under his jaw was, of course, jet black, though it was something to see how it ended at his shoulders in a simple curve. Your gaze flitted down over his chest, resting at his waist. Man, he had some nice hips, you'd love to see him decked out in leather some time. Maybe a corset. Keeping that much to yourself, you held your breath as he took his sweet time in unbuttoning his trousers, pulling the zipper down slowly. His shoes were kicked off before both his pants and boxers were shed, and you found yourself very much entranced.

While you hadn't known what to expect, this seemed just about right. His member was thick, veined, and almost intimidatingly long, pure black and seeming almost glossy. There was a curve to it, and the tip had almost the same sort of head that human ones had. Though it was easy to see when he wasn't...ready for action, it would be retracted into the wet slit it was now protruding from. And it seemed to still be slipping from inside of him, your breath catching and eyes widening. Was that a knot? It was, he had a knotted dick. Sweet Jesus, yet another one of your kinks was being crossed off of your list with this man. If you thought his dick was big, the rounded base was another thing entirely. About the sized of a closed fist, and you found yourself laying back, eyes shifting back up onto his face. Parting your legs, spread wide from him, you licked your lips just a tad.

"Fuck me, Gaster. Fuck me hard. I want all of you in me. And I mean all of you."

Your words hadn't even been needed, perhaps your act of submission was plenty, because he had seemed to shift into something more feral the moment you spread your legs open for him. Again, he was back on top of you, biting at your shoulders and growling darkly as his hands roamed your body none too lightly. His touches were aggressive and hard, hands gripping your breasts so tightly you knew you would bruise. Wrapping your legs around his hips, your hands found his face and brought it up to yours, fervently kissing him. Gaster's lips harshly crushed against your own as his hands moved to grip your hips, positioning you as he prodded at you with the tip of his dick. You didn't bother breaking the kiss, just using your legs to pull him close, moaning against his mouth as he finally slid himself into you. He was big, you felt how his member pushed at your walls, how stretched you felt just to take him. Never mind his knot resting against you, you knew that would be coming last.

Gaster's face pulled away from yours just slightly, panting against your skin, grunting in appreciation as he began thrusting. "Such a tight pussy..." His breath was hot, his teeth finding your neck yet again, still tender and sore from being bit before. You couldn't respond with anything other than a high pitched moan, unwrapping your legs from around him to plant your feet on the bed, moving in time with him. Again, you rested on your elbows, head thrown back as you gasped and whined, unable to quite process the feeling of his dick pounding into you. He was fucking you fast, hips slamming into yours harder and harder with each thrust, vaguely aware of the wet slapping noises each impact caused. Falling back onto the bed against as his fingers dug into your hips, you gasped for breath amid each moan and cry, a tension growing further in your lower stomach as you were pushed closer and closer to the edge.

"I'm cl-close, ahn, Gas-ster-" Your arms wrapped about his shoulders, shuddering as he responded by dragging his tongue up the side of your neck, bracing his own weight on his bent arms. Aha! You finally got to see his tongue, panting as you looked at it. Inky black and long (as in, perhaps the length of your hand), and a bit large. Something you wouldn't mind feeling inside of you, either. Using your arms to pull yourself up just a tad, you playfully brushed your own against his, seeing as it was hanging from his gaping maw of a mouth. That seemed to be enough to incite him a bit further, pushing his body down against yours and none too gently shoving his tongue into your mouth. It was rather interesting, how cool and firm it felt, not that you got to reflect on it long. Your eyes widened as you felt him push it down your throat, nearly choking on it, though you made sure you didn't as to avoid biting him. Instead, you accommodated him, keeping your mouth as open as you could around it, tongue rubbing against his as he began moving it as well.

It was quite something, you decided, to have your throat and pussy fucked at the same time. Over stimulated and body only growing more sensitive, struggling to breathe even through your nose, your eyes closed. Your head moved slightly in time with his tongue, growing more and more used to how it felt, wishing it was just a bit thicker, wishing he could really make you choke and gag. Still, his hips were moving faster, harder, and you couldn't quite keep up with him anymore. The pleasure coursing through your system only grew, tightly coiling in your gut, and Gaster wisely retracted his tongue just as you hit an orgasm. Sharply crying out, your nails dug into the skin of his back, unintentionally raking them down as you pushed your hips up against his as hard as you could. It was good, so good, you wanted more of him, unable to think clearly through your euphoria induced haze.

But he was more than willing to give you more, even if you couldn't get the words out. With a final slam, there was a pop you could have sworn was audible as his knot finally crammed into you. His arms wrapped tightly around your midsection, pushing himself as firmly against you as he could. "Dirty little whore, it actually fit inside of you." Gaster's voice was thick and deeper than usual, and you could only tremble as you came again, feeling yourself squeeze tightly around him as his own thick cum began to pump into you. In ropes, you felt it, a sort of heat coming in short bursts inside of you, managing to leak out from your pussy despite his dick being lodged inside of you. Both of you took to panting, Gaster limply laying on you with his arms still about you, face nuzzled against your bleeding neck. Your legs tiredly curled back around his hips, feeling his cum still draining into you, arms falling from around him to rest on the bed.

A comfortable silence fell between the both of you, only punctuated by his soft moans of pleasure each time he came a bit more. Running your fingertips over his head, you managed an exhausted giggle, asking softly, "how long will we be stuck together?" Chuckling, he kissed at your red stained skin, pausing only as he shivered and sighed again. "Perhaps another couple of minutes or so." Not that he seemed to mind, and really, you didn't, either. But you were a tad concerned about having that much of his cum inside of you, chewing on your lower lip in worry. Were monsters and humans actually compatible in terms of, well, mating? Because if they were, you were going to be in trouble. Figures you'd let your kinks take over common sense, getting knotted was a sure fire way of ending up pregnant if that was a thing that could happen.

But you didn't want to ruin the moment for him, so you kept your mouth shut.

Exhausted, you were falling asleep by the time Gaster was finally able to pull himself back out of you.

* * *

 **[an] :** _im not apologizing. u cant make me. again this was extremely tame in comparison to what ill be doing later. i havent written smut in a long time so this was actually kinda fun to work on! there'll be lots of drama and such to look forward to in the coming chapters, so dont think this is going to over any time soon just because they did the do ahahaha._

 _also sorry if i take more than a few days to post the next chapter. you see, i recently got an xbox one. and dark souls iii. i love dark souls and the soulsborne series in general so much u guys dont understand sdkjdksd so i might take a little longer if i let it continue to consume my being. ah! right, if anyone would like to add me on there, my gamertag or whatever you call it is Giomunni_


	13. Chapter 13

The first thing you were aware of when you woke was the sheer amount of pain you found yourself in. Doubling over in the mess of blankets you must have been tucked into before, your breath left you in a strangled whine, eyes wide open yet unseeing. To be fair, you should have expected this. It wasn't as if Gaster had been remotely gentle, and your body could only take but so much normal action before putting you down for the count. Wheezing for breath amid the radiating flares of pain, burning and aching in a way beyond words, you were only vaguely aware of the wet nose suddenly nudging at your cheek. Seems like Lucifer had been let in as well, and you struggled to watch what your dog was up to. Just until you noticed he was going for the prescription bottle of painkillers left on Gaster's bedside table, a grateful sort of noise tumbling from your lips as your service dog fetched it for you.

Look like he thought of everything, then. As the bottle was dropped into your shaking hands, you hurriedly twisted the cap off, shaking one of the pills into your palm. Popping it into your mouth and swallowing it the best you could in your current state, all you could do was wait for it to kick in. You hadn't thought to read the label to see which ones he'd put aside for you, goodness knows you had far too many. But that was likely the norm for anyone who suffered from long term chronic pain. Doctors gave up trying to really fix it after a while, prescribing all sorts of narcotics without a care. It irked you, truth be told. You didn't care for how painkillers made you feel, even with the dull way they could mute your pain when it was at its worst. If you wanted a high, you'd go roll yourself a joint. Then again, that was a good idea over all. It never took your pain away entirely, no, but it'd always had such a strange way of seeming to temporarily increase your tolerance instead.

As the burning in your body slowly faded into something you could swallow, you sat up, cheeks turning red upon taking note of the several towels that'd been placed underneath you. Your thighs were sticky and still somewhat wet, sheepishly rubbing at the back of your neck. Well, at least his room had its own bathroom, you didn't know how you'd be able to get back to your room just yet when he'd ripped your shirt off of you. Sitting up, your eyes fell on something else left for you on his nightstand. A folded over piece of paper with your name written in neat cursive script, along with a small paper cup holding a capsule that seemed to be glowing. Side eyeing the pill warily, you picked the note up first, flicking it open and scanning through it.

 _'[Y / N],_

 _I do apologize for leaving you on your own. Something came up and I was needed elsewhere. I will be back later tonight, and when I do return, we will discuss how our presentation will go for the conference. I doubt you or your soul will be up for any testing tonight, that much will be put on hold while you recover._

 _Your dog has been allowed in, something I'm sure you noticed, as well as your pain medications. It'll come as a shock to me if you don't need them, much less if you can walk. Stay in bed, I will take care of things for you upon my return as well._

 _As you may have seen, I left something for you. It's a contraceptive of my own design. Do take it on your own, I don't want to have to jam it down that pretty little throat of yours, my dear._

 _-W.D. Gaster'_

You snorted, you could just see his smug face as you read his neatly scrawled words.

Well, at least he'd been having the same thought as you, then. So it was possible there was some compatibility in that regard? Was it the same with all monsters, or only certain ones? You had far too many questions, now, but they could wait. Part of you knew you should be miffed about the open threat he left you with, but he just wouldn't be himself if he wasn't a pompous asshole. Still, you'd give the capsule one last cautious glance before plucking it from the cup, popping it into your mouth and swallowing it quickly. There was no way you were gonna let it rest on your tongue, something told you it wouldn't taste very nice at all. Taking a few more moments to gather what strength you did have, you tiredly slid from his bed, shyly tracing your fingers over the now scabbed puncture wounds that were scattered all over your neck.

Patting Lucifer's head with your free hand, you limped into his bathroom, flipping the lights on with an amused snort. Just as modern in décor as his bedroom was, you didn't know why you were expecting anything else. Pushing the curtain aside to get the water running, you winced as you opted to sit on the side of the tub as it heated up, eyes half lidded. You felt like you could go back to sleep and probably rest for the next hundred or so years, like a dragon entering into a deep hibernation that could only be woken after some series of ridiculous quests. Not sure why you made that comparison, you brought your hand up, lightly tapping on your cheeks to try and keep yourself awake enough to not risk falling asleep while bathing. Painkillers did it to you, and you were physically drained. And if how your stomach had started growling was anything to go by, you were hungry. You might have to borrow one of his sweaters, so you could at least go feed yourself.

Still, once the shower was heated to your tastes, you felt exhausted as you slid over into the tub, sitting under the spray of water. Sighing and drawing your knees closer to your chest, your face was nuzzled against them, arms wrapping around and over yourself. Muscles tired out and achy, the heat from the droplets hitting you was a blessing in and of itself. Lifting your head, you blearily looked around for some sort of soap, painkillers having kicked in fully and induced a hazy sort of dizziness. Clumsily reaching over and picking up a bottle of scentless body wash, you squeezed a bit out onto your hand, sliding back out of the way of the water. Having to twist and turn about in the tub to clean, you were as quiet as you could be. Goodness knows how Sans or Papyrus would react if they were home and you made enough noise to sound like you'd fallen in the shower or something. If they came in, it'd probably be a bit awkward. Then again...your cheeks turned pink, you'd been pretty loud. It was likely at least one of them already knew what was going on.

Flustered, you scooted back under the water, using your palms to rinse yourself off. Laying back on the bottom of the tub, water hitting your stomach with your knees bent, you stared up listlessly at the ceiling. Man, you should really consider switching over entirely to just smoking as opposed to once in a blue moon. At least off of that, you could still function. Maybe get the munchies depending on the strain, but all the same. With a garbled noise of complaint, you sat back up, sighing at the lack of shampoo or conditioner. Of course he wouldn't have anything like that, he doesn't have hair. Not even eyebrows. Though, the thought of Gaster with eyebrows made you giggle. Leaning forward, you made sure to get your hair good and wet, vigorously rubbing your hands through it to at least give it a thorough rinse. Turning the water back off, you took a few moments to regain your bearings before getting back up onto your feet. Stepping out onto a mat, you glanced around for a towel. Looks like the only one was one sitting on the counter, but that was probably his own. Well, whatever, like it'd make a difference after what happened before.

Picking it up, you dried yourself as quickly as you could without risking falling over, eventually calling Lucifer into the bathroom and murmuring a brace command. Hand resting on his shoulder blades, the other tossed the towel back to where you'd found it, taking in a deep breath. "Good boy, Luci," a soft sort of encouragement and praise as you made your back into the bedroom. Right, you needed something clean to wear. Chewing on your lower lip, you were timid as you opened his closet, feeling like you were intruding. Still, as you allowed your fingers to trail over one of the soft sweaters hanging there, you dismissed that thought. Pulling it from its place, the grey material was pulled over your head, and you almost struggled with getting your hands completely through the sleeves. Huffing as you rolled the fabric up several times, you glanced over at yourself in the mirror hanging on the inside of the door. Goodness, it certainly swallowed you whole. Loose and falling all the way down to your knees, you took a moment to reflect on just how large a monster Gaster was, giggling softly.

Well, enough of that. You were pretty hungry, and this would work for getting back to your room. Though, it was comfortable, and it wasn't like anyone would judge you for what you wore in your own home. You really rather liked wearing something of his, and especially something so cozy. Part of you was starting to understand why couples stole one another's jackets and sweaters, in a weird kind of way. Mind made up, you opened the bedroom door, gesturing for your service dog to follow along. Poor dear probably needed to be let out. How long had you even been asleep? It was still light out, so you couldn't of been out but so long. Your footfalls were silent as you padded your way down the steps, the tiniest smile pulling at your lips as Lucifer's claws clicked over the hardwood flooring. He really was such a good dog. Reaching over to scratch behind his ear as he walked along beside you, you muffled a wide yawn behind your hand, contemplating a cup of coffee as you slid the back door open.

Ushering your service dog out, you turned back to the kitchen. Coffee was definitely in order, rubbing at your bleary eyes as you started the usual routine. Pick a mug, spend several minutes trying to decide what kind of coffee you wanted, so on and so forth. Feeling far too lazy to actually prepare anything, well, not so much lazy as you were incredibly low on 'spoons' after earlier, you tossed a piece of bread into the toaster. Plain toast was better than nothing, exhaling through your nose in amusement towards yourself and turning to pick your steaming cup of coffee back up. As you pressed the rim to your lips, your gaze flickered over to the microwave, and you promptly choked on your mouthful upon finally noticing the time. Coughing harshly and spilling all over yourself, you wiped the back of your mouth, putting the mug down now that you'd sloshed most of it everywhere.

"How long was I asleep?"

Shaking your head and worrying your lower lip between your teeth, you silently wished yourself a good morning before searching for a hand towel to clean the floor up. And going n' getting dressed would be a good idea, you needed to wash Gaster's evidence. Dispose of all evidence that you ever spilled on one of his sweaters. Man, it really was some high quality fabric, you were almost positive he would be pissed if he found out. A nervous sweat settled on the back of your neck. You had no clue when he'd be home, and he would undoubtedly be coming to find you once he got in. Swallowing past your now dry throat, you distractedly dropped the towel on the floor, using your foot to push it around while grabbing a few paper towels to start frantically trying to blot the worst of the mess from the sweater. From an outsider's point of view, you resembled a rather harried hen, minus the feathers and clucking. Unless your nervous humming sounds counted, in which case, just without feathers.

Figures you'd start the day out like this. Things could always be worse, and at the risk of jinxing yourself, you turned your thoughts away from the unpleasantness of the situation at hand. Sighing as your initial panic calmed down into a sort of anxiety that was easier to stomach, the damp paper towels were thrown aside and the hand towel carefully picked up. Throwing it into the laundry room off to the side, you groggily rubbed your hands, grumbling as you started to leave. Just until your toast promptly popped out of place, scaring you to the point you were certain your very SOUL might've just tried to straight up leave your body. Wheezing with your hand clutched over the coffee drenched sweater, you shot the most witheringly sour look you could manage at the toaster.

Today just wasn't going to be your day, apparently.

* * *

By the time a few hours had passed, and both of the respective skeleton brothers had sheepishly bid you a good morning on their way out, you were sitting on the couch. Fully dressed for the day, a clean but stained sweater folded in your lap. You knew you were being ridiculous, being so worked up over something so minor, but you really didn't know how Gaster would react. And of course, your brain was thinking of all the worst possible outcomes, making you squirm around in your seat. As long as you weren't yelled at, you figured you'd be just fine. Raised voices tended to make you cry, like, immediately burst into panicked tears. But surely an accidental coffee stain was nothing to fuss over. Groaning as you sat back, eyes transfixed on the ceiling, you did your best to keep your thoughts from running away on you. You were already anxious and upset over what really was a simple mistake, you wouldn't be doing yourself any favours by giving yourself more (hypothetical) things to fuss over.

Just as you were about to call it quits and go hide in your attic, Lucifer perked up from where he was sprawled at your feet, ears cocked and tail wagging. Moments later, the front door could be heard opening. Glancing up, your attention turned towards the foyer, only able to see Gaster's elbows for all of a moment at first as he shrugged out of jacket. Maybe it wasn't too late to still make a break up to the attic, sore body or not. You could make it up there and just leave the sweater and wait til you were positive he wasn't angry with you. That plan was dashed as the second you got to your feet, the tall scientist was already stepping into the living room. A nonexistent eyebrow arched at you—well, whenever he did it, it was more like his droopy eye shifted upwards just slightly (a bit strange, really), the white pinpricks of his pupils resting pointedly on his sweater in your arms for a few moments before returning to your face.

Awkwardly, you coughed to clear your throat.

"I wore it this morning because it was comfortable and I didn't want to go put any of my clothes on. Except I didn't know I slept all through the rest of yesterday and last night, so I didn't know it was morning, and when I saw the time it shocked me and I choked and then I spilled coffee on myself and then I panicked so I spilled more and I tried washing your sweater and I did everything I could think to do and what the internet says but nothing got the stain out and everything is terrible." By the time you finished your ramble, you had to take in a breath, refusing to look at Gaster by the end of it. You just couldn't find it in yourself to even try making eye contact with him, instead staring down at his shoes with your ears and cheeks burning a brilliant shade of red. Unfortunate for you, because if you had been watching him, you would have seen his trademark shit eating grin before his expression relaxed into fake disappointment.

With the air of someone irritated, he plucked his sweater up, eyeing the stains with disdain. Giving you a long, withering look, he tutted. "This one was my favourite, child. I suppose I have learned a valuable lesson today. Not to allow you back in my room." He raised the sweater up just a little more to fold it to hide his smirk as you immediately began sputtering and struggling to figure out a response. "Gaster! It was an accident, come on, don't be like that." Reaching over, feeling like a petulant child more than anything, your fingers hooked onto his sleeve and you gave it a small tug. "I won't drink coffee while wearing your sweaters anymore, I promise." Hopeful, you smiled timidly as he lowered the sweater again, now neatly folded. This time, you didn't miss the shift in his facial features or the glint in his eyes, frowning up at him. He was about to make a smartass remark. You could feel it in your bones.

"That insinuates you plan on making a habit of wearing my clothing. Should I put a padlock on my closet door to keep you at bay?" Leaning over with a sneer, you felt his curled lips against your temple before he straightening himself back up.

Why did you like him, again?

"The sweater isn't a bother. I have plenty others exactly like it. I expect to see you wearing them frequently from now on." Gaster's tone was dry, yet amused, and you couldn't help but roll your eyes at him. "Careful. I might get coffee on the rest if you keep acting cocky." Both of you knew you wouldn't ever have the guts to be that bold, so you let him sit down on the couch and pull you along without a fuss. Settling on his lap, you leaned back against the arm of the couch, elbows resting on it, waiting patiently for the monster to get himself cozy as well. Biting back a sigh as he loped an arm around you to hold you against his chest instead, you grumbled incoherently under your breath about possessive old men, much to his amusement.

"So...we have a lot to talk about, don't we?"

"That we do, pet."

* * *

 **[an] :** _another rather short (and late) chapter, for which i apologize. this was more to get myself out of the writing rut i've found myself in and to serve as a light and almost fluffy transition into some pretty serious stuff._ **as always, please do leave a review!**


	14. Chapter 14

After enough protesting and wriggling on your part, Gaster had allowed you to slide off of his lap and onto the couch cushions beside him, smirking at your furrowed brow and down turned lips. Just because you two were something of an item now didn't mean either of you needed to be in the other's Kool-Aid. Personal space was something that existed, and you were very fond of it. Smoothing your top out, you turned in your place, eyes settling on the scientist's face. Earlier pushed to the front of your mind, and you cleared your throat before he could start talking; though it did earn you a stern glare, it was pretty rude, but you wanted to go first.

"The, uh, contraceptive earlier, I didn't think monsters and humans were compatible like that?" Thankfully, it seems he was going to take it as the serious question that it was instead of belittling you for your curiosity and ignorance. One of his long arms moved to rest over the back of the couch, white pinprick eyes focused on you as he seemed to gather his thoughts on the matter. "In normal cases, they are not. Monsters breed through magic, and once upon a time, humans had magic. Of course, there's none left that can use it." Snorting, Gaster then rested one of his ankles over his other knee, looking far more relaxed and casual than you'd ever seen him before. It was kinda nice, actually, he was easier to relax around when he himself was relaxed.

"Some of the oldest of our kind are mixed specie, myself included. Way back before the war, before any sort of civil unrest, our kind did live peacefully among yours up here, on the surface. It wasn't completely unheard of for your mages and magic users to end up in partnerships with monsters. Some had children through completely magical means if they were physically incompatible. Other monsters, such as myself, have humanoid enough forms for us to...ah, the act is intimate, it's natural for our magic to act on its own. Humans now, as I said, cannot tap into or control magic, though it does lay dormant in those that are descended from the magic families of old. I doubt that you are, but I would much rather us be safe than sorry. I am human enough to prove compatible if you were."

At first, the concept he explained seemed fairly complex. But once you mentally boiled it down to the basics, it clicked, and you gave an understanding nod. "Alright. Well, I have a doctor's appointment a good two weeks from now. I'll just ask him about birth control while I'm there." The idea had you a bit nervous, the last time you were on birth control it had made you terribly emotional. Crying really easily, getting into snappy moods faster than you could blink, it'd been an experience. But you have matured more physically since then, maybe you'd be able to handle being on it this time around.

Still, with that all said and done, Gaster's eyes left your face to instead look down at his phone (when had he gotten it out of his pocket?) and he began speaking again. "For the demonstration, I'll be doing all of the talking. You don't need to worry about anything. Just do as I instruct and everything will be fine. All I will be doing that's even slightly invasive is pulling your soul out to show the extent of the damage done to it." Pursing your lips, you held your temper in check. Since when did he get to call all the shots? It was your dumb soul, you should at least have a say in everything. But he was the scientist, and while it killed you to admit it to yourself, you preferred for him to do all the work. And all the talking. Your anxiety probably wouldn't mesh well with being any more in the spot light than you already would be.

"Yeah, okay... how do you think people are gonna, y'know, react to this?" Sure, monsters and humans worked together in the research field now. Though anyone could see that this was something different. It was a human being experimented on by a monster, and you didn't even want to entertain the thought of being the cause of further civil unrest. It wasn't like you were an unwilling subject...most of the time, anyways. You weren't naive enough to believe that you and Gaster wouldn't be butting heads again over some of his more questionable methods. He was quiet for some time, presumably mulling your question over, setting his phone down on his thigh and dragging his hand over his smooth head.

Finally, Gaster had his answer ready for you.

"So long as I word everything correctly, I doubt we will have very much negative backlash. We can expect the usual outcry from the hate groups, though I don't see it becoming anything bigger than that." White fingers moved away from his brow, the backs of them brushing over your cheek. "Are you worried, by chance? No one would be brave enough to trifle with me, girl. And I truly pity the fool that tries to harm you." Your heart skipped a beat, a blush creeping up your neck; then you caught yet another one of his shit eating grins out of the corner of your eye. "After all, I don't think there'd be anything left of them once you were through. I believe I'd enjoy watching that fight."

"Oh, you ass. I would turn around clean your clock next." Irritated even though you knew he was intentionally riling you up again, you grumpily settled back into the couch pillows, frowning. "I'd love to see you try, my dear." Snickering at your reaction, Gaster leaned his elbow on the arm of the couch, black mouth seeming to pull into a broader, more natural smile. "Don't doubt me. I would find a way to land a solid hit. Then again, your head might break my hand if I hit you too hard." Flopping over to lay across his lap, you almost giggled at how he tensed up. Someone was clearly just as unused to physical affection as you, or maybe he was just exasperated after you refused to sit on his lap before. All the same, you were pleased as punch when his hand came to rest in your hair, fingers stroking through it.

Your eyes grew heavy soon enough, cheek against his thigh, comfortable and warm. But as you were starting to drift off, Gaster jostled his leg to wake you back up, ignoring your whine of protest. "You'll have more difficulty falling asleep later if you do now." His palms rested against your shoulders, pushing you back up into a sitting position. "Oi. You aren't my dad. Don't tell me what to do." You moved willingly enough with his hands, only laying down across the rest of the couch instead. Part of you felt exceptionally smug when he gave you a frustrated sigh and glare, sticking your tongue out at him. Just a tiny taste of his own medicine, really, he got under your skin way more than you did his. Still, your anxiety came creeping back even as you lay there, starting to chew on your lower lip.

"What if, after the whole conference or whatever it is, we get accepted and we get the support we need to keep moving forward with all this and...and someone finds out that we have a relationship outside of our professional one? I don't want your reputation to be at risk, and especially not with everything going on..." Sitting up and moving so you were cross legged and facing him, your hands came to rest in your lap, staring at him worriedly. "Maybe we should, y'know... not do this, I mean, not be whatever we're trying to be together right now, until after this is all done." Something in your chest gave a mellow twang at your own suggestion, unable to continue looking at him. With your gaze on the floor, you waited tensely as you heard the fabric of his clothes shifting as he adjusted his own position.

"I mean, we're not like... I like you, a lot, and I'm almost positive that in time I'll come to care about you even more. But it isn't like we're some serious couple or anything yet. So we could...just wait until it's safer to try dating." Easy enough to say, sure, but your throat felt tight and your face felt hot, finding yourself blinking back tears several times over. It was true, you liked him. You didn't love him yet, though you knew if you stayed with him long enough, you'd be head over heels in no time. But the circumstances weren't in agreement with your feelings, and judging by Gaster's continued silence, you got the inkling he more than likely agreed with you.

A professional relationship could be compromised by a personal one.

And yet you felt his hands on your back and his lips against your neck, soft kisses caressing the marks he had scattered all over your skin. It was possessive and gentle, and his message was loud and clear. Gaster still moved back away from you and you finally let yourself look back up at him, snuffling and rubbing at the tears that'd almost started to fall. "Nobody will find out so long as we're careful, and I will be careful enough for the both of us. After all..." He tipped your chin upwards with a sly grin, face coming to hover in front of yours, "if you aren't mine, somebody else could steal you while I'm waiting for you."

That was the sort of protective and dominate reaction you'd been expecting out of him before, but now it had your heart thundering in your chest and robbed you of your breath for a moment. Watching his face owlishly, you mumbled a quiet "oh", and only closed your eyes as another volley of kisses was given to your neck.

It rather felt like nothing between the two of you had really changed. You were both still getting along just about as well as you usually did with the barbs and quips thrown in, though now you just had the added perk of physical contact. Humming, your arms rested around his shoulders lightly, though you tensed as he began guiding you back down onto the couch. "Not in the living room, your sons could come home at any time, and I don't want to be responsible for mentally scarring Papyrus." And while you didn't want to say anything about it, you were in a god awful amount of pain that morning. You kinda didn't want to go through that two days in a row.

Even without saying it out loud, it seems he knew well enough why, chuckling against your neck as he brought both of you back up to your original positions.

"Very well. Come along, then. We still have work to do."

* * *

The days had been ticking by at an alarmingly increasing rate, and it was almost enough to make you dizzy. After the time you'd taken off work to recover was up, it was almost a relief to be around Grillby again. He was a comforting presence, and you weren't ashamed to say you had hugged him as soon as you saw him that morning. And it was a hug he seemed happy to return, he'd even patted your head. Needless to say, you were perfectly content as you served the usual unsteady stream of stragglers just trying to get some coffee before work.

Some of the regulars had even remarked on your absence before, something that made your cheeks turn pink and had you stuttering out timid apologies. You'd never really thought of yourself as having any sort of notable presence, it was...actually pretty nice to come back to. Lucifer was still in top form despite not having to do this portion of his job for a while, by your side and just as alert as if he'd never left it. Of course, you subconsciously allowed your hand to fall, gently stroking behind his ears every so often as you carried steaming and empty mugs to and fro.

But when things were quiet and still, you eventually caught on to how intensely the monster was watching you whenever he thought you weren't looking. Swallowing awkwardly and rubbing the back of your neck, you gingerly limped up to the bar, taking a seat in front of him. Nobody was in there just yet, and right about now is when things went silent until lunch anyways. "Hey...what's up? Did I mess something up?" Resting your chin on your palm and your elbow on the bar, you gave him an imploring sort of look, at which he quietly issued a crackling sigh. The flames atop the bartender's brow wavered and sputtered as if a gust of wind had passed through them, putting the glass he'd been wiping down and idly putting the hand towel over his shoulder.

"...the scars on your neck. And... other things. I see that Gaster views me... as something of a threat. I... can't imagine any of those being... intended for anybody else. Did he... hurt you?" You recognized the softest note of anger in that deceptively calm baritone, and you found yourself grinning. "Grillby, it's fine. I'm into some, uh, weird stuff. He does seem a little jealous of you at times, but that seemed to calm down after all this," you gestured at your neck with a snicker, "so worth the scarring, to be honest." Meanwhile, his orange flames had started glowing a brilliant blue shade instead, indicating his embarrassment about even hearing any of that.

"And it wasn't just you, I'm sure. He's a possessive guy, I think this was his way of making it obvious I'm spoken for." Rolling your eyes and readjusting your posture on the stool, you watched as Grillby went back to cleaning the glass. It took a minute or so, but his 'blush' eventually cooled back off (pun fully intended). "Hey, what did you mean by other things? Is it, uh, stuff humans can't pick up on? Because we've got this thing coming up and...well, the last thing we need is people finding out about our personal lives. It won't go over well." Sure, your boyfriend would probably be annoyed if he knew you were asking someone else questions about that stuff, but you'd like to skip all the snark sometimes.

"Yes. You see, when... monsters explore more intimate activities... with one another, their magic tends to leave... an imprint on one another. This... more or less acts as a signal to... other monsters that you are... spoken for. The stronger the imprint, the... stronger the other partner is, and Gaster being... Gaster, the imprint he has left on you... is a most effective deterrent against... most other monsters." He explained it to you simply and with patience, something you were thankful for. You really couldn't help your ignorance on the matter, but at least you were making a genuine effort to learn more about what being in a relationship with a monster truly entailed.

Sighing, you let your head come to rest on the bar, arms resting on your thighs.

With another pat to your head, Grillby silently got a cup of coffee for you.

* * *

You'd ended up needing to go home early, even if you had wanted to make it to closing. But Grillby was understanding about all of it, you weren't ready for a full day back yet. It'd exhausted you, though you'd managed to make it well past the lunch rush. Lucifer, upon being given a nod on your part, took off to the backyard as soon as he was allowed out of the car and had his harness off. "Goofy mutt..." Shaking your head, harness in one hand and the other gingerly rubbing your hip, you limped your way to your front porch and up to the door.

As soon as you let yourself in, the smell of something burning immediately hit your nose and you groaned. Oh boy, seems like Papyrus is cooking. Slipping your work shoes off your feet and opting to lazily leave them by the door, you padded your way across the hardwood floor of the foyer, stopping once you glanced into the living room. Sans, Alphys, and Gaster all seemed to be involved in deep conversation. The shortest and scaliest of the bunch seemed far more nervous than usual, your boyfriend was being his intimidating self, and Sans looked low key exasperated with both of them. Deciding that you didn't want anything to do with their conversation, you kept on your way, joining Undyne and Papyrus in the kitchen.

Only to stop dead in the dining room, staring at the spectacle taking place.

"Stir harder, Papyrus! Y'gotta put your heart and soul into it! Stir that sauce like you mean it!"

"NYEH HEH HEH! Am I doing it right now, Undyne?!"

"Nnghyah! No, move over! Lemme show you how it's really done!"

Of course. You weren't expecting anything different. Undyne was enthusiastically coaching the youngest of the skeleton family as he made what you could only describe as a mess, but honestly, you didn't mind. Papyrus was a good kid, er, guy. He would definitely tidy up after the both of them. Keeping to yourself, you would crack the back sliding door open just a tad to make it easier for Lucifer to let himself in before you hobbled on into the kitchen itself. Doing your best to avoid either of the two overly energetic monsters, you opened up one of your cabinets to fetch a wine glass, pulling a bottle from the fridge after.

It wasn't until you were about ready to pour yourself a very healthy glass that the two friends finally noticed you, and you yelped when you found yourself put in a head lock. "Undyne!" Laughing, you patted her arm in greeting as her knuckles dug into your skull, rubbing back and forth a few times. "Human! You've returned early from work! Was everything alright?" Where the fish lady was trying to gently rough you up, Papyrus was already pulling you out of her grip, dusting you off. Something you were actually pretty grateful for, actually. "Oh, yeah, work was okay. I just couldn't handle a full day again yet, Grillby let me go early." Once you were certain that you wouldn't be given a friendly suplex while your back was turned, you went back to filling up your glass.

"Holy shi—shoot," the scaled woman next to you shot a quick glance in the forever oblivious Papyrus' direction at her almost slip up, though her attention quickly focused back on you. "Enough already about the small talk, punk, what's going on here?" Yellow eyes were pointedly transfixed on your neck, her lips curling back into a pointy, shit eating grin full. "I told you they were... canoodling!" The skeleton narrowed his eyes as he said the word, and you couldn't help but burst into laughter. "I suppose that's one way to say it. It's exactly what it looks like, we're, pfff—we're canoodling." There was no stopping your amused giggling, bringing your wineglass up to your lips and taking a slow drink after they'd at least calmed down a little.

Undyne snickered a bit herself, turning to find herself a glass and pouring one of her own. "Think ya got it from here, Papyrus? I think me n' [Y/N] need to have a girl to girl talk." One of her arms loped over your shoulders, and you blinked. Girl to girl talk? Oh, no, were you going to get suplexed after all? Please, no. "Of course! Worry not, I, Master Spaghetti Chef Papyrus, have everything under control!" Puffing his chest up with pride, the skeleton went back to what he was doing, and you let Undyne lead you out onto the back porch. Both of you took a chair at your patio table, relief spreading through your system when your dog came up to you, his tail wagging. Of course, with your current distress, he snapped into work mode and was immediately attentive. Signaling for him to lay by your feet, you looked over at the other, watching as she took a large gulp from her glass.

"Alright, little lady, I need to give you the monster sex talk. I doubt any of these punks have given you the whole spiel, so you're gonna get the best version! My version!"

"Oh my God, Undyne."

* * *

 **[an]:** _exhausted gurgling noises. hello friends. this chapter wasnt the most exciting one, but things will pick back up in the next one. at least i didnt take overly long in updating this time =u=; as always, please do leave a review! it makes my day whenever i get one._


	15. Chapter 15

Time had seemed to flicker by without a trace, the days blurring together and melding in your memory. You and Gaster had both been busy, attempting new stimulus and putting you in entirely new situations. While there had been results, they were far from what either of you desired, and both of your tempers were running high. Part of you felt bad for everybody around the both of you, you were both biting heads off left and right. But the others all seemed very understanding, Papyrus even going so far as to keep the two of you supplied with a steady stream of coffee.

Some people might find it irresponsible for anyone to support the odd tangent you and your stoic boyfriend had gone on, but it was easy to tell just how important this was to both of you. There were some things in life that were too big, too drastic, to back off on or go easy on. This was just one of those things, and you knew Gaster was just as grateful as you were for the subtle moral support. Though, you both definitely deserved it if anyone decided to exact revenge after all of this blew over.

Still, your eyelids felt heavy as your gaze sidled over to the scientist beside you on the couch, taking in how the overhead light and his scars cast odd shadows across his white features. Your not so subtle study of him went unnoticed, though was interrupted by one of his summoned, skeletal hands slowly bringing a mug of coffee to his lips. Sighing and leaning forward, you took it from him before he got a drink in, arching an eyebrow at how he slammed his pencil down in frustration. Dropping his clipboard on the coffee table, he met your vaguely amused gaze with an absolutely withering glare. If you weren't sleep deprived, you'd've likely been frightened by the intensity of it.

As it were, you were both sleep deprived, and you knew you had to be the responsible one. After all, ready or not, the conference was tomorrow, and you both needed rest. "No more caffeine, you. We should both just go to bed." When he opened his mouth to protest, in a rare and bold display, you leaned over and kissed his cheek. You initiating that sort of contact was an oddity, and it effectively shut him up before he even started. "Look...we can improvise if we need to. We were going to anyways, right? It isn't like we can just tell anybody we're trying to find a way to strengthen monsters, or all the anti-monster bigots would start raising hell as soon as they caught wind of it. If it comes down to it, I'll just follow your lead, or you can follow mine."

Scooting closer to him, you lazily draped your legs over Gaster's thighs, smiling when he relented in his glowering with a weary sigh and placed his palm on your good knee. His thumb began rubbing slow circles on it, draping his other arm over the back of the couch as he turned his torso towards you. "We'll be fine, Gaster, alright? I know you'll keep me safe and calm in front of all those people, and I'll do my best to back you up and protect you, too. Everything will be okay, so stop stressing out over this so much, or we really will mess up. Go into this with a positive mind set, and positive things will happen." Sliding even closer so your rear was right against him, you leaned over, snuggling against his warm chest with a tired, content hum.

"Are you always so needy when you're tired, my dear? Perhaps I should start keeping you up late more often." Chuckling when you huffed at him in response, Gaster shifted, pulling you into his lap. "Rather adorable, really..." You tensed as you felt his breath fan across the side of your neck, his firm yet soft lips trailing over the scars he left on your skin during your first time with him. Holding back a shiver, you remained cuddled close to him, cheeks turning red. "I ought to see if I can make you so embarrassed you cry, you are rather cute when you do." Nuzzling at your jawline for a few moments, his brief affections came to an end, seeming content with just holding you.

"...bully."

"Would you prefer me to behave differently, girl?"

"Not in the slightest."

Snickering, he slowly got to his feet, holding you with ease. Lucifer perked up from where he had been laying, just beside the coffee table, and you gestured for him to follow the both of you as Gaster made his way to the stairs. "You don't have to carry me around, you know. I know you're just as exhausted as I am." It was a feeble complaint on your part, you were rather enjoying the attention, and not having to walk was a bonus. "Not nearly as much. I'm simply running the tests, you're the one enduring them, my pet." It didn't surprise you when he walked straight by his room and continued on to yours, your service dog trotting ahead and opening the door for you. Gaster was a private person who liked his personal space, relationship or not, and you were the same way. But part of you had wanted to crash in his bed with him tonight.

You wouldn't admit it, but the thought of tomorrow had you terrified. Anxiety levels were at an all time high, though you were putting on the bravest face you could muster. If you at least gave the illusion of confidence, maybe Gaster would be more at ease himself. Still, you blinked as he stepped by your bed, continuing on into your bathroom. Carefully setting you down on the lid of your toilet, you could only watch as he went about drawing a bath for you, confused as can be. "Dude, I don't need you to give me a bath. I'm an adult." Your voice sounded exhausted even to you, just the thought of being in warm water was making you even more tired.

"An adult who enjoys being pampered outside of the bedroom. We've had this discussion before, my dear." Despite his back being turned to you, you could just tell he was sneering as he held his skeletal fingers under the running water to check its temperature. Smarmy bastard. He was right, though, you weren't going to deny it. It nearly scared you out of your skin when a set of freshly summoned hands began fingering the hem of your shirt, waiting until you gave a noise of affirmation before undressing you. While the ghostly fingers worked on your bra, you snapped at the open door to get Lucifer's attention, his head lifting from where it lay on the floor with his ears perked.

"Luci, I'm thirsty. Water bottle." You couldn't help but smile when he obediently sprang to his feet and trotted out of your room, and you heard Gaster give a sniff. "It would've been faster for me to send a hand to get it for you." He turned to face you after closing the taps, the hands neatly setting your bra on the counter and dropping your shirt in your dirty laundry basket. "Nah, Luci needs to keep up with his tasks, so he doesn't forget. That training isn't easy, I don't want to have to redo it." Taking his real hand when he offered it to you, you let him pull you up and support some of your weight, his extra hands making quick work of finishing undressing you. "And you can't do everything for me, Gaster. I have a service dog so I can be independent. Spoiling me a little is okay, but...don't go overboard with it, alright?"

He didn't seem too pleased, but he didn't object, either. You knew it was more than just a desire to take care of you, it just went hand in hand with his toxic levels of possessiveness. In his mind, he owned you, and you were well aware of that fact. To him, you were his to look after and care for. But there was a line there you knew you couldn't let him cross, you had to remain your own person. Gaster easily lifted you off of your feet, turning on his heels again and slowly lowering you down into the water. A pleased hum pulled from your lips, sliding down against the back of your tub, head lolling over the rim and closing your eyes. Nothing beat a good bath, really.

Claws clicking over your floor moments later interrupted your attempt at getting comfy, though you sat up again, water sloshing just a tad as you moved an arm out of the tub to accept the bottle your service dog brought you. "Good boy, Luci, very good boy." Pulling your arm closer to yourself again, you opened the bottle with some difficulty, taking a sip before leaning over to put it on the tiled floor. Glancing up, you took note of your boyfriend staring at you, and you frowned at him. "Either get in with me or please give me some privacy, you're creeping me out a little." Snorting to show you were only teasing, you resumed your original position, sighing.

You didn't bother trying to take a peak when you heard the rustling of clothing being removed, only sitting up and scooting forward in the tub to make room. He stepped in behind you, settling down and adjusting his legs to be on either side of your body, pulling you back against his chest. Arms crossing over you, he pressed his face against your still dry hair for a moment, subtly inhaling. If it'd been anyone other than Gaster, you would've likely found the action off putting. But nothing surprised you when it came to this man, and as such, it went ignored.

Later that night, he was sprawled across your bed, sleeping soundly with an arm and a leg thrown carelessly over your body, and Lucifer was snuggled up against your other side.

Part of you wished you could stay like that forever.

* * *

The next morning, you woke to an empty bed.

Groggily sitting up, you blinked blearily, rubbing at your eyes before looking around to try and find where Lucifer had gotten to. He wasn't laying on the floor beside or on front of your bed, nor was he in his bed. Wincing as you moved your sore body to the edge of your mattress, you waited with your palms resting heavily on it before you could convince yourself to try getting up without help. Your breath left you in a pained rush as soon as you put weight on your leg, letting out a panicked screech when your knee gave out from underneath you, sending you sprawling across the floor.

You just laid there for several long moments, listening to the sound of feet sprinting up the stairs, followed by paws. Staying still seemed like the best course of action, you didn't want to move just yet, only making an odd gurgling noise at whoever came into your room. With Lucifer's wet nose at your cheek, you lifted your head a tad, sending a concerned Gaster a silent glower.

Lucifer wouldn't have left your side unless he was called for or distracted by someone. And your boyfriend's little jealous moment last night hadn't gone unnoticed by you whatsoever. But you were going to be a mature adult, you weren't going to pick a fight. Especially not with everything later on this afternoon and evening. It seems your calm silence put Gaster a bit on edge, perhaps he'd been expecting you to start ranting at him. No, you were just going to let him simmer in his own juices. Murmuring a quiet command to your service dog, you waited until he was in the proper position to help you sit up, leaning back against your bed.

Still, something needed to be said.

"Let me make myself very clear, Gaster. We both know that my service dog following you out of my room was not some coincidence. He is far too well trained for that. If you ever take my dog away from my side again, I will kick you out of my home, and I will have nothing further to do with you. Have I made myself clear?" The evenness of your own voice surprised you, considering the rage simmering in your chest. He eyed you in silence for a moment, expression unreadable. Stepping in front of you and kneeling down to be eye level with you, you were both unflinching as you tried staring one another down.

"He followed me of his own accord and let himself outside."

"You're full of shit."

"My, so vulgar. Are you incapable of discussing this like an adult?"

Here it is. You knew he was trying to gas light you at this point, but you weren't going to let him win. Leaning forward, so much that'd you be nose to nose with him if he had one, you quietly continued, "I will behave like an adult when you do. Stop acting like a child throwing a fit because he has to share his favourite toy. My dog is by all legal means medical equipment while he is working. I stated my house rules at the very beginning. If you ever endanger me like that again, this will be over. This is the second time you have separated me from my service dog. You would be wise not to try it a third time."

The indifferent mask finally broke, outright anger showing for all of a moment before he regained his composure. Straightening up, Gaster silently left your bedroom, slamming your door shut after himself so hard that one of your vases fell clear off the shelf beside it. Staring at the shattered pieces that'd scattered across the floor, you sighed, barely managing to pull yourself back up into your bed and patting it to call Lucifer up onto it with you. It wouldn't do at all if he stepped on any of the pieces. But you weren't going to be able to do anything about it until your morning pain levels died down a bit.

Leaning over and picking a bottle up from your nightstand, you sighed as you popped a pill into your mouth and swallowed. Last night was so nice, but after today's rough start, you doubted the rest of it would be going well at all. Taking in a shaky breath as tears welled up, you laid down and buried your face against Lucifer's side, draping an arm around him and whimpering as you broke down.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, you knew.

But God help you, Gaster just might kill you.

* * *

 **[an]:** _super short chapter sorry haha. well. anywho, im at a bit of a crossroads here, y'all. i would like to continue this story but it isnt getting nearly as much attention per chapter as i would like. and tbh its kinda disheartening and im not too sure i should bother continuing to work on it when i almost feel like next to no one is reading it and genuinely enjoying it._


	16. Chapter 16

It was close to an hour when you heard your bedroom door being slowly opened, and you instinctively stiffened up, holding more firmly to your dog. But you managed to raise your face when you heard the glass from before being swept up, blinking when your gaze fell on an oddly silent Papyrus. He seemed cautious and uncertain, so very unlike his usual exuberance. Oh, God, had Gaster said something to his sons? Sitting up, you watched as he set the broom and dust pan aside, coming to sit on the edge of your bed beside you. His gloved hands worriedly twisted around one another, refusing to meet your gaze for a long moment.

"If...my father ends up being kicked out, will I be allowed to stay?"

Oh. It all clicked into place, then. Leaning over, your arms wrapped around the tall skeleton, one of your hands guiding his head down to cradle it against your chest. "You and your brother will always have a place with me, Papyrus...I'll never make either one of you leave. This home will be yours for as long as you want, don't you worry. You never, ever have to leave, okay?" No wonder he was so downcast and glum. But it surprised you that he'd want to stay with you, with how tight knit their little family seemed to be. As his own arms curled around you and he snuggled closer with a quiet 'nyeh heh heh!', another voice spoke from the doorway,

"told ya so, paps." Sans was leaned against the threshold, hands resting lazily in his pockets with his usual smile. Were they both worried? Even Sans, who had threatened you over his father before? Heaving a sigh and smiling tiredly, you gestured for him to join the two of you. "nah, cuddlin' ain't my thing." "Sa-a-a-ans! Get over here!" Untangling himself from you, Papyrus got to his feet, irritably picking his brother up and sitting down, plopping the older between the two of you. Despite the grumbling, when both of you snuggled against Sans, you could tell he was appreciating the affection. His shoulders even relaxed, smile becoming less forced and more natural as his eyes closed.

"If I may...what brought all of this on? Did your father say anything to you two?" Pulling away, yet keeping one of Papyrus' gloved hands in your own and one on Sans' shoulder, you looked over both of them with concern. The shorter one shrugged, whereas the youngest looked momentarily guilty. "We came up after our father did, we...heard everything. And we would like you to know we don't condone what he did! Sans didn't even know he took your dog away from you before!" He puffed up as he spoke, his tone almost reaching its usual volume, though he quickly deflated again. "...I love my father very much, you know, but...I've been seeing sides of him I don't like very much. So if he does have to leave, I, Papyrus, think it would be a wonderful learning experience to be away from him for a while again! Even though..."

He trailed off, and you blinked. "pops wasn't around for a while." Sans finished for him, opening an eye to watch you closely. Of course, there was no judgment to be found on your features, only giving them both an understanding nod. This was a learning experience for them, an important one, and it made sense they were turning to you despite your now very shaky relationship with their father.

"Can I tell you two a secret? I never knew my real dad. Never got to meet him. We talked a little online...but I stopped after he kept forgetting my birthday. Only really talked to me to get closer to my mom. And for a long time, I thought that was because of me. Even my stepfather, and he did some really awful things, I thought it was my fault. My mom wasn't the nicest, either, she put me through a lot of mental and emotional abuse." Leaning back to pet Lucifer a bit, his ears lowering demurely and tail swishing slowly, you took a moment before you continued.

"Sometimes our parents will do things we don't understand. That we will never be able to understand. Yes, your father...does questionable things sometimes. He does bad things. But I don't think that makes him a bad person. Gaster has been through a lot," you memories flashed back to his nearly shattered soul and the kiss you'd given it, "and that impacts his decisions today. I'm not saying that excuses the bad things he does sometimes. But I do know he loves both of you more than life itself, you're his sons. And I know the two of you love him just the same."

Looking back at them, you weren't surprised to find them listening intently to you.

"No matter how much you love someone, it's okay to take a break from them and love them from a distance. If things between your father and I truly fall apart, you two can stay here with me as long as you like and figure things out for yourself. You can love someone who's toxic to be around, it doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't mean anything like that, sometimes I think it takes an extremely strong person to love someone that does hurtful things. Gaster would never hurt either of you intentionally, but...I know being exposed to what he does is likely very upsetting."

Papyrus gave a slow nod, gaze crestfallen as he glanced away, Sans merely shrugging his shoulders. "I'll talk to him in a little bit, and I'll ask him to try and control himself a bit more. I won't even mention this little talk, okay, boys?" Part of you knew that the two of them were likely far older than you, but there was a maternal instinct swelling in your chest you just couldn't quell. Leaning over to pull them both back into a hug, you pressed a gentle kiss to the side of both of their skulls. "And you can both come talk to me anytime, about anything, alright? Good or bad. I'll listen and do what I can to help. But for now, I'll go see about making up with your dad." Letting them go, you shakily got up onto your feet again, nervously testing putting weight on your leg.

Once you were certain you weren't going to fall, you waved the two brothers out of your room, following after them unsteadily with your service dog hot on your heels.

* * *

The basement felt even colder than usual as you two made your way down the stairs, staring at Gaster's turned back with your heart thudding sluggishly in your chest. You knew being with him would take a lot of work and patience, especially if you were both to PERSEVERE through what life was sure to throw at you. Clearing your throat to alert him to your presence if he hadn't already known, you weren't surprised when he refused to acknowledge you, so you opted to limp up behind him. Throat feeling a bit dry, you didn't say anything, opting to wrap your arms around him, resting your chin on his shoulder. You felt him stiffen under you, the scientist's head turning just slightly, and you trailed gentle kisses all along his neck.

"I'm yours, you don't need to be jealous or try to keep me entirely to yourself." It was whispered quietly against his skin, resuming your affections, lips moving up to his cheek. "I'm still mad at you, you know. What you did was wrong. And I could have really been hurt. You silly man...don't be jealous of a dog." As you made to let go of him, you felt his arms hook around your waist as his torso turned, yanking you down into his lap. A pained gasp tore from you as your back bent over the edge of his work table, summoned hands gripping your wrists and holding them down. Albeit, he was being more gentle with your injured one, his expression unreadable.

Stubbornly meeting his gaze, you adjusted your legs so you were more comfortably sitting on his thighs, legs hanging from either side of his hips. "...I told them I wouldn't tell you about it, but your sons overheard what happened. And they were upset by it. Gaster, if not for me, you need to learn how to control yourself for their sakes at least." As expected, he looked more than slightly annoyed. "And who are you to tell me how I should and should not behave around my children?" His palms pressed down harder on your wrists then, and you winced in discomfort.

"Someone who loves your children. Someone who knows what abuse is like, someone who knows what witnessing abuse is like. Someone who wants to protect their happiness. You should want that, too." Your tone was soft, without challenge, but it didn't waver. "You upset both of them, Gaster. Whether you like it or not, they both already care about me. This is our family, even if we end up breaking up, this is still our family. And I'm going to protect those two boys no matter what. Even from you. They asked me if they could stay with me if I ever had to kick you out, Gaster, that's how badly you've shaken them up." That was enough to startle him, his fingers slacking in their grip. You took advantage of that to tug your hands free, sitting up so you were straddling him.

Both of your arms wrapped around him, and you pressed yourself as closely to him as you possibly could, clinging to his frame.

"We're both overtired, we're both stressed out. And we both need to stop taking it out on each other, Gaster. It's impacting them and I won't have that under my roof. This is their home, I want their home to be a happy place, a safe place. Please help me keep your sons happy, darling." You nuzzled your face against his neck, your anger from this morning melting away despite the severity of what he'd done. "We just need to get through tonight and things will get easier for the both of us. No more stressing out, we're both the sort to try biting each others' heads off after a certain point." Sitting back just enough to look at him, one of your hands moved to rest on the side of his face, leaning up to pepper his handsome features in fervent kisses.

It took him a moment before he relaxed more, one of his arms loping back around your hips, his other hand finding purchase at the back of your neck as he managed to catch your wandering lips with his own. A brief, almost chaste, kiss, but it was very much needed for the both of you. You smiled warmly at him when he pulled away from you, and he huffed, fingertips playing with the hair at the nape of your neck. Nuzzling your nose against his cheek, you stole several more kisses from him, humming happily.

"I want us to be together, Gaster."

"As do I."

"I want to fall in love with you."

He fell silent again at that, simply watching you in contemplation. Carefully, he took a few kisses of his own, mouth moving down along the side of your throat. Soft little touches over the scars he had so proudly branded you with, the straps of your pajama top being brushed aside to allow him interrupted access to your now bare shoulders. Gaster's hands roamed over your form idly as he kissed and nipped over your skin, yet it was without need or lust, each touch more gentle and soft than the last. Closing your eyes, you allowed yourself to bask in his attention, fingertips moving to stroke over the back of his head. Eventually, his face came back up, kissing you again and again before he had his fill of you.

"I believe I would like the same, my dear."

* * *

Later that morning was met with Gaster lounging, bored, on your bed as you frantically searched through your closet. He was already dressed, looking dapper as can be in his four piece white suit, and it seems your distress over what to wear hadn't phased him in the slightest. "Should we match? Oh, but, white stains so easily and I'm so clumsy." Whining, you threw a white dress back over your shoulder, missing how he had to lean over to avoid being smacked in the face by the fabric. "But black is so formal, and you're going to be the main focus, aren't you? I mean, you'll have to handle a good portion of the talking, ah..."

Huffing at your selection in your closet, you paused, catching a hint of pink silk towards the very back. Laughing quietly to yourself, you reached back for it, pulling the floor length, strapless dress out. "I remember this...I made this, actually, it was my senior prom dress. I still regret going to my prom, mind you, it was a waste of money and time." You held it against yourself, thinking back to your school days. Man, you were such a little shit back then. Thank God you'd grown up since then, you would genuinely want to punch past you in the face. Turning to face him, still holding it against your frame, you arched an eyebrow at him. "Could you even imagine me wearing something like this?"

Yet, he sat up straighter, finally attentive. "Put it on." It was an order, not a request, but with how serious he was being, you didn't talk back to him. Rolling your eyes as you limped over to lay it across your bed, your pajamas were pulled off and dropped on the floor. Without being told, Lucifer picked the discarded clothing up and carried them into the bathroom to drop them in your laundry basket as you unzipped the back of your dress. Stepping into the light fabric, you pulled it up, turning as Gaster shifted closer, wordlessly zipping you up. Without facing him, you shifted back over to your closet, the little jacket you'd made to go with it coming out next. It was silk as well, though white, and lined with pink lace. Pulling it on and fastening the single button in front, bra straps now hidden, you turned about, smiling at him.

"I look like a dweeb, right?" Though, you weren't too certain. You had actually filled out even more since high school, and the bodice clung to your curvy body, the skirt flaring out at your hips and barely brushing over the floor. The jacket itself was short with puffy sleeves and a collar, ending just under your arms. You'd only made it to hide your bra, really, but it did tie everything together quite well. Looking down at yourself and back up at him, you were met with a smug smile. "I don't think that's quite the word I would use, my dear, but I think you look...exquisite." Getting to his feet, he stepped closer to you, his fingers pulling the top of your dress up just a tad and straightening your clothing out for you.

"I have a tie that will match this." His thumb lingered on the hem of your jacket, rubbing the lace for a moment before dropping away again. "Y'don't think we're a bit too dolled up?" Chewing on your lower lip anxiously, you frowned when he only chuckled at your question. "Not at all. After all, all the brightest minds will be there, most of them already rather accomplished in their fields. We'll blend right in, girl, don't worry yourself over that." Gaster took his white tie off, wrapping it around his fingers before tossing it onto your bed. "Get your things together and put on your shoes, I'll meet you in the foyer." Tilting his head downwards to plant a kiss against your temple, he left you, embarrassed, to finish getting ready in peace.

Damn that man.

Still, you carefully moved your already aching body to your vanity, sitting down. Pulling your makeup closer to yourself, you rooted through it, settling on a few different things. Thick, cat-like eyeliner and baby pink eye shadow suited you just fine. Topped off with mascara and the barest touch of clear lip gloss, you thought you looked alright enough. Turning your head this way and that and ultimately deciding against any further makeup, the only other thing you had to do was pull on a pair of white, strapped heels and put Lucifer's little outfit on him. Patting your bed so you wouldn't have to kneel down to get him ready, he obediently jumped up, standing and waiting patiently.

Pulling his vest onto him and fastening it, you attached the little carry-along bag to his vest and got his harness situated. Your phone, medications, and other small necessities were stowed away in his bag, and you sighed before rubbing his head with both of your hands. "We have a busy night ahead of us, buddy, you ready for it? You're my good boy, yes you are..." Pressing a kiss to the spot just above his wet nose, you gestured for him to follow you, and you both started down the stairs, your hand resting nervously on his harness. Heels clicking over hardwood flooring, you were surprised to see all three of the monsters living under your roof waiting in the foyer.

Sans and Papyrus were both dressed up in simple black and white suits, reminding you vaguely of penguins (and especially Sans). As if to answer your questioning gaze, the youngest swelled with pride, chest puffed out. "I, the Great Papyrus, will be serving as a guard! So is Sans! The royal family will be attending the conference, after all!" It took you a moment to register that, and your expression shifted into a frown. "Toriel and Frisk will be there? Whatever for? This doesn't really seem like their sort of shindig." It was just some boring conference where people were just presenting their ideas and such, right? But with the amused, lazy grin the older of the two brothers sent you, you knew you were wrong.

"heh, kid, y'really don't know what's been going on on the news?"

The news? Your blood ran cold in your veins, turning your eyes onto Gaster, silently demanding an explanation. "My dear, we're the first duo to have a monster running experiments on a human. Ever since Alphys and Sans stirred trouble up for us online and it was finalized we were attending the conference, everybody has been buzzing about it. You can imagine how it must look to some of the less open minded people." Oh, oh no. This entire event just got so much more serious than it already was in your mind, physically feeling yourself pale as you became light headed from a surge of nerves and anxiety. Gripping onto Lucifer's harness and mumbling a brace command, you took a few moments to get your grip back, free hand rubbing your cheek in dismay.

"But I haven't been approached by anyone or bothered or..." Your voice trailed off at Gaster's amused snort. Right. Like any reporter was actually brave enough to approach you when you were affiliated with him, but you knew they would be swarming around and in the convention center tonight. "We have to keep our relationship a secret or your credentials as a professional will be brought into question..." The thought made your heart twang painfully, especially after how you both patched things up earlier. "I don't think so, but I will not be flaunting it, either...I do apologize, my dear. I will more than make it up to you tonight." His grin became something feral in nature, and you shivered.

The grossed out sounds both of his sons began making only prompted rancorous laughter from both of you, moving to stand at Gaster's side. With those two looking like they'd like to be sick, you kept snickering and the scientist simply grinned, leading you all out and to his convertible. Papyrus, of course, chose to drive his own, though Sans slid into the backseat of his father's with Lucifer. Without further ado, your strange little impromptu family was off, and you found that you weren't nearly half as nervous as you were before.

Gaster would never let anyone touch you, you were his and his alone.

And you knew his boys would just as quickly come to your rescue if need be.

You just had to get through tonight and everything would be just fine.

* * *

When you pulled up to the already bustling convention center, you swallowed dryly. There really was no turning back now. Still, you waited for Gaster to get out and step around to open your door for you. Carefully getting up, he let you use his arm for balance until Sans and Lucifer got out of the back, and you switched to holding the handle of the harness. The short skeleton gave you a playful wink, a comforting gesture, as he took the keys from his father to go park elsewhere. Looking up at your boyfriend, you took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly to calm your nerves.

Everything was going to be fine. You two were going to be the last ones to present, you had time to get adjusted to these hectic surroundings and all the noise. Giving him a little nod to show you were ready, you took his offered arm, and you both made your way in. Well, Gaster had certainly been right before, the two of you were far from being the only ones dressed to impress. Men and women of various species were all milling about in well coordinated outfits, some more flashy than others. A good number were just as modest as you and your boyfriend were, others dressed even more conservatively. To put it simply, the two of you really did fit right in.

Still, you were having to fight the urge to take his hand and hold it. Resting your palm over his arm just wasn't enough for this situation, you already wanted to run away and hide. But you had to be a bit braver, for his sake more than yours. It was more than just your reputation on the line tonight. Taking in a shaky breath and releasing it, you held your chin high, pretending to have confidence. Fake it til you make it, right? You could do that. You'd pretended to be a lot of things before, this was going to be a piece of cake. Nobody would be able to break your mask, you had years of experiencing faking this exact face. And you had far more reason than just yourself to keep it firmly in place.

That thought alone gave you a bolster of real confidence, and you allowed yourself to warmly smile at those who passed by the both of you. Through the crowd of people milling about outside of the conference rooms before any of the main events began, you caught sight of a rather tall monster. He rather looked like Toriel, but with horns, and blond hair n' a beard. Gaster seemed to be leading you towards him, and what little information you did have about the people in his life clicked together. That must be King Asgore, or, rather, the former King of Monsters. Giving your boyfriend a quick, nervous glance, you silently limped along at his side, thankful for Lucifer and the scientist acting as a barrier against the crowd on either side of you.

A camera flash caught your attention as the three of you got closer to him, blinking and stumbling slightly. Gaster's arm easily snaked around your hips, but not in an improper way, stopping to let you catch your balance again. Sheepish and refusing to look up from the floor, you mumbled an apology, and he brought his head down closer to yours to whisper to you, "it's fine, my beautiful girl, you're doing so well." His gentle words set your heart aflutter, and you nodded as you regained your bearings. It was with a warm feeling you couldn't quite place that you came to realize that no matter how tonight turned out, Gaster wasn't going to be mad at you.

He understood just how hard this was on you already, and the hardest part had yet to come. His support was all you needed, gripping Lucifer's harness just a little tighter as you both carefully made your way through the throng of people. Sans' low voice drifted through the loud chatter surrounding the group, lazily waving his hand, "make some room, let 'em through." How did he beat the two of you in? Hadn't he gone to park the car? Your confused look got you yet another wink as the people curiously scuttling about made a little path, allowing you into the freer space.

Asgore was an absolute giant up close, you realized.

Your head slowly craned back to blink up at him, not quite sure what to make of him, and you couldn't help but shy away against Gaster's side. Toriel, Frisk, and all the others were already there, too. Surprisingly. Well, except for Mettaton, but if he had been here, there probably wouldn't be any controlling the crowds. "My child, you made it!" A warm set of paws gently pried you away from your boyfriend's side, and you found yourself enveloped in a comforting hug. Smiling and internally referring to the older woman as 'goat mom', you were happy to return the embrace. "Yeah, we both got here alright." Stepping away, you reached down, ruffling Frisk's brown hair and giggling at their brilliant smile.

"No Flowey today?" You asked them, carefully crouching down. A devilish grin settled on their dark features, moving their backpack around in front of them and unzipping it to reveal a very disgruntled flower. Much to their mother's displeasure, apparently. "Oh, my, they've snuck you in after all!" Reaching in, despite the flower's angry protests and idle smacking at your hands, you pulled his flowerpot out and held it carefully. "It's been a while." It was a careful greeting, and you had to do your best not to laugh as he hissed, "it hasn't been nearly long enough if you ask me, gimpy!" The insult rolled off of you with ease, snickering at how upstart he was. He was reminding you more and more of an ill tempered child than anything else, it was hard to actually get upset.

Giving Frisk their friend back, you carefully straightened back up, wincing and rubbing your knee as you went. Alphys gave a sheepish wave in greeting, Undyne flashing you a yellow smile from beside her. Of course Alphys would be here, you were sure she had her own project pitch to throw, her girlfriend must be there to support her. Soon enough, you had to meet Asgore's gaze, timidly staring up at the imposing monster. He was way too tall, entirely too tall. You felt tiny, insignificant, and you were having to refrain from turning and bolting away. It wasn't because he was a monster, goodness no, it really was just because he was ungodly tall. Nobody should be that tall, not without being Godzilla or something.

"Howdy! You must be [Y/N]!"

Oh. Well, that wasn't the kind of voice you'd expect someone so large to have. It was friendly and comforting, and you gave him a shy smile, nodding. Now, what you didn't expect was for his large hands to easily grab you around the middle and pick you up, hugging you firmly. "I'm glad to finally meet you! I'd offer you a cup of tea, but..." Asgore's soothing voice trailed off, and you wheezed as you kicked your ankles about. Nope, nope, you do not like being off of the floor. Still, you briefly returned the hug before he put you back down, and you hardly missed how Gaster immediately pulled you back against his side, refraining from laughing.

"Well, if everyone's here, I reserved one of the conference rooms for us to wait in..."

Good, that meant getting away from the crowd. And with how the skin on the back of your neck kept crawling, away from any nosy cameras. The sooner you were all behind closed doors, the sooner you could latch onto your boyfriend, or sit down and let Lucifer use DPT to help bring your anxiety levels back down to something more manageable.

You missed how a certain set of eyes closely followed just you as you all went in.

* * *

 **[an]: **_a slightly longer chapter to make up for all these really mediocre ones lately orz. thank you all for your kind words, i had just taken a bit of a blow to my confidence before and what you all had to say helped me out quite a lot ;u;_

 _TheAmazingTeaGirl - the idea you mentioned is actually something i have planned! i wont give away any details though c:_

 _As a side note, I'm on Quotev, now! I don't remember if I mentioned that on this fic or not. But you can find me on there at /Apathineuros and I have a RP blog for my main OC at /viatoruniversum so if that's something any of you are into, I'd love to have someone to write with on there!_

 _Please do leave a review, if it so pleases you ;u;_


	17. Chapter 17

Once the door was closed behind all of you, you found your shoulders slumping, sighing in sheer relief. Would it be alright if you just hid in there until it was time for you and Gaster to present your own research project? You certainly hoped so. You didn't like how attentive people seemed to be towards you and your boyfriend out there, it didn't sit right at all with you. A collection of folding metal chairs were scattered throughout the large room, and you left Gaster's side to hurriedly limp over to one, sinking down into it. Patting your thighs lightly, your service dog easily hopped up into your lap, leaning firmly against your chest. Lazily wrapping an arm around Lucifer, you closed your eyes, taking in a deep breath and exhaling slowly.

As you thought, the weight and pressure against your torso was already helping you feel far more grounded, more and more of your tension melted away. You missed how the others in the room respectfully avoided staring at you, keeping their voices low as they murmured among themselves to give you some peace. Alphys was the first to approach you, pulling a chair over beside yours and clambering up into it, clawed hands resting on her lap. "I-I get really anxious about th-these things, too." Her quiet voice caught your attention, opening your eyes and looking over at her before smiling. "Want to borrow Luci for a few minutes? DPT really helps a lot. I don't mind, really, I'm feeling better already." She looked like she was about to protest, even though there was a sort of curiosity and want laced into her expression.

Ushering your dog down off of your lap, you got to your feet, and then leaned over to pat Alphys' lap. Ears perked, Lucifer immediately got up into her lap, and promptly pressed his weight against her as he had for you. Her surprised noise made you giggle, though you watched with pride as she began relaxing, reaching around him to pet his fur with a sigh. As you stepped away, Undyne was coming over, ruffling your hair before she took the spot you had been in before and tossed an arm over her girlfriend's shoulders. Pleased that you'd been able to help, you picked your way over to Gaster, stubbornly taking his arm and wrapping it around your midsection. Snickering at you and leaning over to kiss your cheek, he pulled you close, and you both pulled identical shit eating grins at Asgore's temporarily startled expression.

"Oh! I hadn't realized...well, of course, her scent is...but...?" The gentle giant didn't seem to know what to make of either of you, Toriel and Frisk sharing a giggle behind him. "Don't fuss over it, my king. We're keeping it secret for tonight." Gaster soothed him, though his expression hadn't wavered in the slightest. Chuckling, you snuggled closer to his side, nuzzling your face against his chest and relishing in the kiss he pressed to your forehead in response. His words hadn't seemed to entirely comfort Asgore, though the kindly monster relented in his worrying for the time being.

"Well! I'm certainly happy for you, for both of you." Giant paws reached over, each one taking one of your and Gaster's hands and clasping them in both of his own. You felt a surge of affection for Asgore, then, for the support he was so freely giving. Pulling your palm free and resting it on his upper arm, you went up on your tiptoes, placing a thankful kiss against his furry cheek. "Thank you so much, Mr. Asgore, really." Smiling warmly, you didn't mind as your boyfriend irritably tightened his hold around you, finding a vague sense of amusement in Asgore's temporarily startled expression.

* * *

As the hours wore on, your anxiety had grown. Alphys and Undyne had long since gone, as the current title holder of Royal Scientist had her presentation far before you and Gaster did. Nothing anyone said was able to stop your limped pacing around the mostly empty room, chewing on your lower lip so much it had started to taste like the metallic twang of blood. Even Lucifer was unable to hold your attention long enough to bring you back down to Earth, your palms sweating and shaking as you continued back and forth along your set path. Your eyes were set on the floor just in front of your feet, yet were unseeing, just doing your best to keep the total meltdown you felt welling up from finally springing forth.

What if you messed up? What if you started stuttering on stage or said something stupid? You wouldn't be able to forgive yourself if Gaster's reputation took a blow because of your incompetence in dealing with being the center of attention and crowds. It'd be ten times worse if you ended up panicking so badly that you clung to him or did anything that would reveal your relationship to the public. Everything was bad enough already, he'd been placed under scrutiny for his research with you, and you hadn't even known it. He hadn't even told you about it. Your trembling fingers took to gripping the fabric of your dress, twisting it about as you continued pacing, unable to stop yourself.

Every so often, you felt yourself tick, head twitching to the side and you could hear yourself start to whisper to yourself under your breath at random. Subconsciously, you knew you were worrying everyone. You knew that, but you couldn't make yourself stop. It wasn't your fault. Even Gaster, who had seen you through awful meltdowns, you knew he was concerned. This was different, it was something else entirely to try dealing with a toxic mess of anxiety and psychosis. Again, your skull jerked to the side, and you felt a headache begin to build for all of your ticks and incoherent rambling, but still you couldn't stop yourself. You had no clue how long you'd been like that, all you knew was that you felt bad, everything felt bad. Paranoia was nothing to be trifled with, and it was only intensified by just how important all of this was.

Back and forth you paced, twitching and whispering, unable to pull yourself out of it, and too far in for your service dog to be of much help for the time being. You knew, in your mind, that the others were too frightened to reach out and touch you for fear of causing an episode. Every part of you wanted to scream at them for someone, anybody, to grab you and hold you as tightly as possible, to keep you secure and warm. You wished you had your weighted blanket, but it was tucked away in your closet at home, and you couldn't stay still long enough to have Lucifer help you down onto the floor to lay on your chest. Again, you twitched, more violently this time, able to see your hair swishing in front of your face for a moment.

You would have continued like that, but a familiar set of orange arms entered your vision, hands firmly grasping your shoulders. Crackles and pops met your ears, warmth seeping into your skin-it smelt smokey and like cinnamon all at once. Your gaze jerked upwards, meeting the completely cool and calm expression on Grillby's face. When had he gotten there? Was he real? Or were you so desperate for comfort that you were hallucinating? No, it was real, you told yourself. You can see him, you can smell him, you can hear him, and you can feel him. Without saying a word, you were silently picked up, cradled against his chest like a little girl, and you were brought into the center of your solemn group of friends.

Sitting down in a chair, he held you tightly, one of his hands soothingly rubbing through your hair. A green face popped in front of your own, Fuku smiling before sitting on her knees in front of you both, laying her head over your stomach. Didn't she have school? Or was today a weekend day? You forgot, and you couldn't seem to open your mouth to ask. Unstable and afraid still, your gaze darted around the worried faces now protectively circled around you in the empty room, until finally falling on Gaster. He didn't seem angry for the way you were being held, and he came to kneel next to Fuku in front of Grillby, a skeletal hand taking one of your own and squeezing it.

"I recall you stating once that Grillby was like a father to you, in your eyes. We...didn't know what to do. And he has personal experience in what you were doing. I called him and asked him and Miss Fuku to join us." His voice sounded a little distant to your ears, but solid, and you felt yourself nodding in understanding. Gaster didn't make any move to further impede your space, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand lovingly. "We don't have to do this if you aren't ready, my darling girl. It can always be done some other day, you don't have to force yourself if you can't do it without causing yourself harm." He was being so gentle, so understanding, and you swallowed thickly, finally finding your voice.

"I'm scared, Gaster. I'm really scared. What if I say something stupid? What if I can't talk a-at all? What if I mess up and pe-people fin-nd out we're together? What if I make things ba-bad for you?" Your felt your chest start to heave as your breathing quickened, and the fire elemental holding you simply gripped you tighter to keep you grounded. But he willingly relinquished you to the scientist when he patiently held his arms out for you, Gaster bundling you close and settling down cross legged. "It's fine. You won't say anything stupid. You won't mess up. Don't forget that I'm going to be right there." His smooth forehead came to rest against your own, finding yourself with nowhere to focus your nervous gaze except staring into his eyes.

"I'm going to keep you safe. I'll be watching your back, and you'll be watching mine. Let me take care of you just this once, my dear."

Lower lip trembling as tears welled up, you nodded, throwing your arms around Gaster.

* * *

When the time finally came, it was met with all of your friends following you and your boyfriend out. Even Flowey seemed to be more alert and less inclined to make jabs at any of you, swaying quietly in his pot. Taking in an unsteady breath, the hand gripping the harness of your service dog tightened just a little bit. Right, you could do this. Everybody was here to cheer you both on, they all believed in you, Gaster believed in you. You wouldn't be able to sleep at night if you let all of them down right now. Closing your eyes, you took several slow and deep breaths, counting down from ten in your head with each one. Opening them again, you held your chin up high, you let your boyfriend lead you into the appointed conference room to get set up before it began.

Despite the large crowd waiting outside of it, the current emptiness of the room helped put you at ease. You still had a few minutes to pull yourself together, and then whatever happens would happen. Though you felt like you had no control over whatever was going to take place tonight, you tried to have faith in Gaster. He assured you that everything would be fine, and you yourself had said that after tonight, all the stress between the two of you would be a thing of the past. Everything would get better, it was just getting over this rough patch to get there. Helping make certain all of your boyfriend's notes were there, and that USB containing the overall presentation was accounted for, you took a timid seat in one of the stools positioned in front of a mic.

"Gaster, won't other monsters be able to tell we're...well...?" Chewing on your lower lip, you fixated your worried gaze on him, almost annoyed by the amused scoff he gave you in response. "It isn't monsters who would throw us to the wolves with that knowledge, my dear." His condescending tone of voice almost riled your temper, but you made yourself stay calm with the shit eating grin Gaster shot your way. Of course, that ass was trying to get you upset right before the conference started. But you could understand why, it gave the entire situation a comforting sense of normalcy. Even if you couldn't be openly affectionate towards him, it was still just the both of you. Never mind the fact there would be who knows how many people watching both of you interact between yourselves and them.

Placing your hands on your thighs after making sure your long dress skirt was smoothed down, you waited in silence, counting down the minutes in your head. Gaster took a chance before it was time for the doors to open to step in front of you, hands resting on your shoulders. Blinking and looking up at him, you found yourself smiling as he bent over, snagging a kiss from your lips. Slowly, he trailed his mouth along your jawline, dipping down to your neck, nuzzling and nipping. Cheeks heating up with a blush, one of your hands rose to rest on the back of his head, tilting your own to allow more access to your throat. Hearing the scientist laugh against your skin made you frown, feeling his tongue swipe over your pulse before he straightened up and pulled away from you.

"Later, pet. I already promised you that earlier." Damn him.

He'd just gotten settled on his own stool when the doors were opened by staff from the outside, reporters and others of varying species filing in and easily filling the seats. Your friends were all seated in the back of the middle row, Frisk eagerly waving at the both of you and jostling a disgruntled Flowey's pot. Waving back a little, you put a polite smile on your face, straightening your back and waiting for everybody to be settled in. This was the real deal, there wasn't any going back, now. Part of you regretted not taking Gaster up on his offer to wait to do this some other time, but you knew it was now or never. If you didn't do it tonight, you'd never be able to work up the courage to try again for fear of failure.

You knew this went beyond just the two of you and your hidden agenda for your research. In a bolder sense, this was something that was showing complete and utter faith in a monster despite being human. Throwing all of the prejudice, fear, and vile cruelty that many hate groups tried to instill back in their faces. A small step towards equalizing things out, very small, but a step all the same. Having to fight back the impulse to reach over and take Gaster's head, you let your gaze sweep around the room, barely resting on any one face for more than a few seconds. Quite the crowd, but you knew you were safe. You were here to make a difference, in a rather shady and secretive way, but it was for a good cause. This was on you just as much as it was Gaster, and you knew you likely couldn't even begin to guess at the amount of stress this had him under.

Guilty, you knew you had been focusing on yourself and your feelings. He was going through all of this, too, and he was supporting you through your issues. Gaster needed you to be present and ready, and it was the least you could do for him in return. Taking in a breath, you leaned forward just slightly, looking around one more time as you spoke.

"Good evening, everyone, thank you for coming tonight. My name is [Y / N], and this man beside me is Doctor W.D. Gaster." One of your hands gestured idly at your boyfriend, catching his vague smile in your peripheral vision. So far, so good, then. "I'm afraid I'll have to be blunt with you before we begin, public speaking is not my forte." You smiled at the collective chuckle that went around the room, feeling a bit better about yourself. Feeling your service dog nudge at your calf helped a lot, too.

The introduction was one of those parts that neither you nor Gaster could figure out a decent coverup idea for. Nothing that fit the terribly invasive nature of your research. And you'd both agreed to wing it, whoever coming up with a suitable idea first in the fly of the moment would start things out. But after a moment's silence passed and he was still silent, acting as if he was waiting for you to continue, you realized it was on you again. Damn him, you'd leave him to present all of the actual information gathered all on his own, then. Not like it was a big deal, an idea forming out of necessity within seconds.

"And to continue being honest, our research is something personal to me. For anyone who ever gets a glimpse of my soul, it's obvious I've been through some stuff. Not trying to win pity points or anything like that, it's just how it is. Doctor Gaster, would you please?" You turned your head to look at him, nodding your head downwards slightly. He seemed concerned, not sure where you were going, though he obliged by reaching out, fingers curling as he coaxed your soul from within your chest. It was like being exposed, having that sickly heart beating away in front of you before that crowd, ignoring the few quick flashes of cameras near the front. Getting to your feet, you stepped forward a bit, free hand resting on Lucifer's harness.

"I was told by Doctor Gaster when he first took a look at my soul that it should be broken. I think this is a sentiment many of you share. The extent of the damage to my soul is the direct result of a terrible combination of mental and physical illnesses. We know the cause, what we don't know is why it's still holding itself together. We need to know. If we can find what's keeping my soul together, we may be able to experiment with recreating that exact element as a medication. I'm not talking about a miracle cure for mental illnesses. I'm talking about making a medicine that doesn't run the risks of increasing suicidal idealization, one that doesn't make your body feel sick, or make any of your symptoms worse."

Taking in a breath, you felt your nerves catching up to you, shakily exhaling.

"The fact is, we're losing teenagers, even young children, to suicide. People of every age end up losing in the fight against his or her or their mental illness. Depression, post traumatic stress disorder, schizophrenia, personality disorders, the list goes on and on. But what if we can find a medicine, one that will work for both humans and monsters, to help combat mental illness? What if we can find a medicine that helps the soul heal and therefore aid in the overall recovery process?"

The more you spoke, the more you realized this was something you sorely wanted. Not just for yourself, but for every single person out there who was like you. Fighting to survive like you. Trying their hardest and always falling short like you.

"I'll, uhm, Doctor Gaster, your turn."

Anxiety won in the end, but you'd already gotten plenty of attention. Hook, line, and sinker. All your boyfriend had to do was finish out the presentation. As you turned around to take your seat, you felt relieved by the nod Gaster gave you. Good, you'd given him plenty to work with, you wouldn't be needed again. Well, not until you gave everybody permission to ask questions, you were certain you'd be given quite a few. Feeling your soul fade back into your being as Gaster began his side of things, you lowered your gaze, staring at the floor. You tried to listen, you really did, but it was easier for you to let your thoughts wander than it was to even consider keeping yourself aware of the audience in front of you.

Reaching down, you let your fingertips ghost over Lucifer's head, grateful for his wet nose against your palm and the little kiss you got on your wrist. You found yourself thinking over the words that'd spilled from your lips, heart giving a mellow twang. Would Gaster be okay with pursuing that as well as his own interests? You wanted that, you wanted to be able to make a difference. And you knew the man was brilliant enough to make that wish come true for you. You wouldn't want money or anything off of it, you just wanted to be able to say you made something that genuinely helps improve people's lives. Something that might even be able to make yours easier to handle and cope with.

Your previous dream to go into health care surfaced in the forefront of your thoughts, and you gave a slight smile for all of a moment. Would this all be a step closer to being able to pursue that? You couldn't really tell, but you certainly hoped so. Every so often, you found you would need or nod or otherwise affirm something Gaster said, but it was easy for you to keep up with when that happened. He was doing a good job applying all that you two had already figured out to your idea, going into such depth it would be hard to believe that it had only just been decided on right then and there. Pride welled in your chest for the both of you, having to stop yourself from smiling too much at your boyfriend.

Unfortunately, it was hard to deflect some less than friendly questions at the end. Unrelated entirely to what had been presented, instead direct and almost insulting in nature about personal matters. You felt like you wanted to hide, and through the slight burning of those hidden scars over your neck, you could tell Gaster was losing his patience bit by bit.

"So, is it true you live together?"

"That's irrelevant to our presentation."

From inquiries about your housing situation to bluntly posing queries about your relationship with each other, you felt more and more dismayed. Just until a blue scaled hand raised and was permitted to speak, Undyne leaning forward and flashing the two of you a big yellow grin. "Can you explain how you'd take that supposed element and, uh, make it into a medicine?" With the awkward phrasing and over blustered confidence, you could easily assume she was asking for Alphys on account of the reptilian girl's anxiety.

Leaving coming up with answers to Gaster, you were happy to chip in only when you were absolutely confident with an answer, knowing you were doing well because he never once reacted in any sort of negative fashion. You'd grown to know how to recognize every single twitch that Gaster had, every last tell. Well, you kind of had to, otherwise you wouldn't be able to really understand him at all. Feeling a bit silly for how worked up you'd gotten earlier, you were content with everything going smoothly until the very end. But even with your paranoia, you hadn't noticed that same set of eyes fixated on you in the front row, though your boyfriend had. You only just noticed his discomfort when that stranger had a chance to ask a question.

"[Y / N], you seem pretty...adamant on avoiding answering anything pertaining to how you interact with Doctor Gaster. Is there something you're not telling us about? Anything that might be skewing the results in your little tests and experiments?" His voice in and of itself was a taunting sneer, making up for his almost blank facial expression. Something about it made your blood run cold, opening and closing your mouth a few times over. How were you supposed to answer that? You couldn't wiggle your way out of it this time, and if you tried, it'd look overly suspicious. Damn it all. Watering down the truth wasn't the same as lying, you supposed, and would be better than nothing.

"That's hardly the case. It's obvious some of these questions are being asked for the sake of gossip, and that's not why we're here." Barely managing to keep a blush from staining your cheeks, you raised your chin in slight challenge despite how hard your heart was beating in your chest. Part of you felt like your nerves alone were about to make you faint, though you tried to ignore it for as long as you could. Having a panic attack in front of so many people really wouldn't look good at all, and lord knows if you'd be able to recover from doing something like that. "No, we are not involved with one another in any way other than professionally." Satisfied with the answer you managed to give, you allowed your gaze to flicker past him, as if dismissing him and searching for someone else to call on.

You missed the brief flash of anger, though he sat down and asked nothing else.

* * *

 **[AN] :** _This seemed like a good spot to end this chapter! Sorry for only updating, like, once or twice a month. It's all I really have the energy for, though please believe that I'm trying my best to post more frequently. The next chapter might be short and an optional read in terms of Gaster finally getting his reader home alone, pfff._

 _Reviews are always very much appreciated! I can't believe how close I am to hitting one hundred reviews, oh man._

 **TheAmazingTeaGirl -** Feel free to do as you like! All I ask is that there is credit given to me. Just let me know what website you upload it on so I can find it!


	18. Chapter 18

The trip back home was a very quiet affair, as Sans and Papyrus opted to go home with the others. Something about a party to celebrate a job well done on everybody's part, and Gaster had been more than happy to help you wiggle out of that invitation. The truth was, you were tired. You were more tired than you'd ever been in your life, and it was difficult for you to cope. It wasn't out of rudeness you declined to join your friends, but you weren't in a place mentally that you could handle being around all of them. Not after spending the day on the verge of a panic attack, having the meltdown that you did, and then forcing yourself to deal with you and your boyfriend's presentation.

But the drive was pleasant, seeing as it was long since dark, and the open roof let the air rushing by ruffle your hair. Head lolling back against the seat, your hands folded together in your lap, taking in a slow breath and steadily exhaling. Without leaning down to properly undo the straps, you used your toes to get your white heels off, your jacket soon following. Who cares if your bra straps showed, now? You were on your way home. And it isn't like Gaster would say anything about it, either, though you did hear him give an amused chuckle after sending you a sideways glance.

Huffing at him, you shifted in your seat, just trying to get comfortable. Behind you, Lucifer gave a snore, fast asleep where he was sprawled across the seats. That was enough to make your lips pull into an exhausted smile, an expression that only grew when Gaster reached over with one of his skeletal hands, taking up your own and threading his fingers between yours. Giving his hand a little squeeze, your gaze turned to look ahead, comforted by the fact you could see your pretty farm house coming up. Figures, you'd left one of the lights on upstairs. Oh well, you could deal with that before you went to bed.

Gaster was careful as he pulled in along the gravel driveway, avoiding any awkward dips or bumps. Was it really that obvious you were in pain? You were grateful for it all the same, letting go of his hand once he came to a stop and killed the engine. As he got out, he'd open one of the back doors as well, whistling lowly to wake Lucifer up. The dog's ears perked as he sat up, tail wagging as he crawled out, quickly running around to the back of the house. Probably had to go potty, it'd been a long day. You didn't move until the monster came around to your door, next, opening it and reaching down after you'd unbuckled to pick you up.

"I can walk." Despite your words, you slumped against his chest, watching as a summoned hand picked up your shoes and your silk jacket. "Ah, but you don't want to, correct?" His tone was teasing, playful in nature, and you snickered in response. "You know me so well, dear heart." Resting your head against his shoulder, you were content as he carried you up onto the porch, yet another hand unlocking and then opening the door. The foyer light was turned on, Gaster carrying you to the dining room. As careful as can be, you were set down on a chair, and another was tugged closer for you to put your feet up.

With a relieved sigh, that's just what you did, making a mental note to avoid wearing heels at any point in the immediate future. Watching as the monster took to bustling about the kitchen and fetching coffee mugs, you let your finger draw idly patterns over the wooden surface of the dining table, thoughts wandering again. Tonight had been difficult, but you were immensely proud of yourself. This was huge for you, after all! You'd actually managed to talk in front of all those people and keep your cool! Gaster wasn't even upset with you for the little bit of difficulty you did encounter.

But the meltdown earlier, that you still hadn't entirely recovered from. It'd drained you to the point you felt a bit ill, actually...that wasn't anything that plenty of rest couldn't fix. From what you could tell, you and Gaster had the house to yourself for the night, and for at least most of tomorrow morning. That was more peace n' quiet than you could've hoped for. Though, you did need to contact Grillby and see about when would be best for you to come back in to work...you were starting to feel more than a touch guilty for being absent, good reasons or not. And you knew he was more than understanding about it all, but you really should ought to get back to that.

You liked to think of yourself as the responsible sort, after all.

It wasn't long before the back door was being slid open, Lucifer letting himself back inside and padding his way over to you. Sitting down on his haunches, the dog would lay his head over your lap, tail slowly swishing over the hardwood floor as one of your hands sleepily took to petting him. His fur felt nice, the coarse yet vaguely soft texture brought a sense of comfort, and it gave you something to focus on. Well, that and the smell of coffee being brewed, gaze flicking back up to watch Gaster as he worked. Creamer pulled from the fridge, added to both mugs once ready, the tinkling of metal against ceramic as he stirred them.

Your heart gave a little flutter in your chest for a moment, and you smiled. Everything was as it should be, and with the monster carrying both mugs to the table, you'd move your feet off the chair so he could sit down. A nonexistent brow arched, inquisitive, but Gaster would take the chair anyways. Only to scoff and roll his white pupils when you immediately rested your legs over his lap. "C'mon, be nice, I did a good job today." Lips forming a pout, your fingers would wrap around the mug he offered you, finding solace in the warmth radiating through it.

Of course, it wasn't half as comforting as the few extra hands he'd summoned cautiously shifting your legs, kneading at flesh with a surprising sort of gentleness. "I will give you that, my pet. You did better than I thought you would." Such a sneering tone of voice! But maybe compliments just came very rarely from Gaster, and you let it go with a snort in response. A brief gesture of your hand had your service dog padding off to go lay down, no tasks available for him to do, not with your boyfriend there to keep an eye on you. Slinking down in your chair, you only hummed when he set his mug aside to reach towards your chest, fingertips slowly coaxing your sickly little soul out.

Pain and lingering anxieties continued to fade under his careful ministrations, a skeletal thumb soothingly rubbing over its mottled surface. Curious, you could only watch as his head dipped down, black smiling mouth pressing against it. Oh, oh dear. If it were possible to feel like a firework, you certainly did. Heat spread through every nerve in your body, tingling, intense, but in a way you didn't mind. As if every part of you had come alive, yet you were safe, an unfamiliar energy woven into every little burst. A gasp pulled from your lips, tensing, coffee mug set harshly down on the table so your hands could grip at the sides of your seat as you trembled.

Well, Gaster's reaction to you kissing his soul before suddenly made a ton of sense. And it seems he knew exactly what he'd done, too, judging by the predatory gleam in his inky eyes. Sure, he'd said before he'd certainly be making today worth your while once you were both back home, but you hadn't thought he was being serious. Breath hitching as his mouth shifted into those odd sort of white lips again, you could only watch in anticipation as his tongue lolled out. Was he going to...? He was. And you had absolutely no time to prepare yourself before he was dragging his tongue over that now wildly beating heart.

The effects were immediate, squirming in your chair, head lolling back with a sharp cry. You were only somewhat aware of the hands still massaging your legs, even as one began sliding up under your dress and between your thighs, a digit rubbing over already damp panties as your boyfriend issued an airy laugh. Your mind was already in a needy sort of haze, whimpering as that hand shifted to pull that fabric down, the others moving away from you as it was dropped to the floor. Real hands grabbed you about your middle, and suddenly you were being lifted up and set down again on the dining table.

He was standing between your knees, then, towering over you until he leaned down to rest his forehead against yours. You were tugged towards him, hips meeting hips, and Gaster took to gently rutting against you. Cloth against heated flesh, an impatient whine tumbling from your lips that was swallowed in a kiss. His motions became softer, then, summoned hands making short work of his pants. Just enough to expose him, digits skirting along your thighs. Your legs hooked around his waist as he pressed into you, sharply gasping against his mouth, head turning to the side and breaking the kiss.

Lids lazily closed as he nuzzled at your neck, but his pace was not demanding. Despite the rush just before, each rock of his hips was slow, deep-almost gentle. Gaster's mouth was at your throat, cool tongue dragging over it, and you understood. You understood each rolling motion, moving in time with him without demand for anything more. This was making up for the words neither of you knew how to say just yet.

Hands found purchase at his shoulders, and you had one request.

"Kiss me?"

"With pleasure, my dear."

* * *

 **[AN] :** _Ahah, I have no excuse for how late this is other than depression is awful. And sorry for this being so short, too. Figured this would be a good spot to end this chapter to possibly start work on the next. Or, truth be told, end the fic and continue it in a new story, since the plot starts shifting pretty drastically from this point on._

 _Either way, thank you all for your patience with me._

 _I'll likely just do my best to continue working on this one as opposed to starting a second fic up. Goodness knows it's easier on me to keep it all in one place._


	19. Chapter 19

The next day found you curled up in Gaster's bed, snug in one of his sweaters though alone. As you sat up, you muffled a yawn with one hand, only to wince at the protest your body put up against moving. Right, definitely not wearing any heels for a long, long time. Though another sort of ache had a smile playing across your lips as you gingerly got up, nearly losing your footing though catching yourself against the wall. That commotion was all that was needed for the sound of claws against the floor to meet your ears, Lucifer attentively standing at your side from where he'd been sleeping at the foot of the bed.

He actually let your dog stay in his room last night? Well...it was better than what you'd thought you'd get. One of your hands lovingly stroked over your dog's head before you whispered a brace command, palm finding its way between his shoulders blades as you righted your posture. A few deep breaths to gather yourself, and you limped your way out of his room, Lucifer walking in time with your steps in case you needed him. Into the kitchen you went, catching the smell of coffee. Still pretty fresh, maybe your lover boy was down in the science dungeon? Snorting at your thoughts, you wasted no time in making your own cuppa joe.

"Need'a go ou'side? Need'a go potty?" Oh, you could just imagine the look on Gaster's face if he ever caught you using that babying tone of voice. Probably disgust, or some sort of condescending amusement. Not that those thoughts stopped you from grinning at how fiercely your dog's tail took to wagging, near prancing in place before making his way to the sliding glass door. His teeth sunk into the rope tied to the handle, dragging it open to let himself out and bounding into the yard. Unable to help a small giggle, you followed him out, albeit slowly. Just onto the deck and settling down at your porch table, mug set aside and watching Lucifer sniff about the grass for an appropriate spot to do his business.

Nice and quiet...though you did hear the telltale sound of shoes stepping out and a chair being dragged back so someone else could sit down. A backwards glance had you smiling at your boyfriend, though he only arched a brow at your chipper expression and took a long sip from his coffee. "How long've you been up, G?" His drink was mirrored by your own, wrinkling your nose at his scoff. "Far longer than you have, you lazy girl." Despite the insult tacked on at the end, his words held no real bite, and you rolled your eyes at him. "Some people actually need sleep to function, dingus. Not everyone can inject caffeine directly into their bloodstream and work at optimum levels." Your jibe in return earned you a brief chuckle.

"So, the news have anything to say about anyone last night? Any dweeby online science columns?" You got up briefly to scoot your chair closer to his, eagerly sitting back down to take weight off of your feet. "I haven't checked, though I do have several 'missed' calls from Alphys. Hardly deserving of the title she took from me, I'm sure she just wants advice." It'd be hard not to hear the disdain in his voice as he said, more like spat, her name. You still couldn't quite wrap your head around why anyone would have any sort of beef with such a nice gal, and for as much of a jerk as Gaster was, you knew the stuttering thing wasn't it. Mistakes were just that, mistakes, and you were sure she was sorry for any she'd made in her time filling in his shoes.

His shoes...that brought a question to the tip of your tongue, watching him carefully for a while. "I know I am a work of art, pet, but must you stare at me like that?" Sometimes that little sneering tone of voice he took made you want to pinch his cheeks. Could you even pinch his cheeks? That was an experiment for another time. "Just curious, o' sculpture. I know Alphys was the royal scientist after you. Why, erh...well, why'd you step down or whatever?" Your question only brought silence with it, uncomfortable and a brief flash of pain flickered across his face. Part of your regretted asking, now, but you wanted to know. "It wasn't willingly. Something...happened." His tone was controlled, forced to be light, and he busied himself with his coffee.

"Look, I get it if you don't want to talk about it," you reached over and took his free hand with your own, fingers wrapped between Gaster's. "But if you do, y'know...I'm here. All ears, at all hours of the day. The boys mentioned you'd disappeared for a long time before and that's just had me curious." You turned your gaze away from him to watch Lucifer again, long since done with his potty break, now busily rolling around in a patch of sunny grass. Gross, he'd probably need a bath before long. Couldn't have a stinky puppy following you around everywhere or getting dirt all over the place inside. His fingers tightening around your own and disembodied hands hoisting you up to put you in his lap had your eyes snapping back to his face, though Gaster wasn't looking at you at all. Rather, he was staring off into space, one of his real hands moving to stroke through your hair.

"The CORE was my crowning achievement. And my downfall." You felt like you'd possibly had this conversation before, but you remained silent, listening. "Even monsters are not spared from feeling jealousy or resentment. But the CORE was far from being my only monumental project. It was my first break through, and it paved the way for me being allowed more resources and wiggle room, as it were, for another. Human children had fallen into the Underground over time, and after...complications surrounding the first that did, their souls were taken from them." He felt you tense in fear against him, though he soothed you with a kiss against your cheek and hurriedly continuing before you could come up with any heinous ideas.

"Necessary for our escape, dear girl. None of us wished to absorb one of those souls to break the barrier down. But we thought if we had enough, they could break it for us." The hand that had been playing with your hair took to soothingly rubbing up and down your arm. "A sacrifice we were all willing, and desperate, to make. We'd been trapped for centuries on end, my pet. But I admit that I...took incentive to try and rush that plan along. I experimented on the souls themselves. Tried to break them down to their simplest elements, and yes, even shattering them. They always managed to reform, despite no longer having a body to safely reside in and nourish them. I needed to know what made human souls so strong. What allowed them to persist after death."

Gaster's voice caught momentarily, and it was your turn to comfort him. Sitting up enough to lavish his face in kisses, arms curled around his neck to keep his face cradled against your chest after. Surprisingly, he made no effort to pull away, only linking his arms around you and gathering his thoughts. "Even if we escaped, I thought, monsterkind would be forced to fight again. More would die, those I cared for and loved would..." You remembered Grillby telling you Gaster's late wife had been killed in the war, and your heart broke for the scientist. But you knew to remain silent, only adjusting to be more comfortable on his lap, a hand moving so your fingers could gently stroke over the back of his head. "Like what I am pursuing with your soul now, but with less regard, less care."

"[Y / N], I tortured those souls. Shattered them over and over again, a madman desperate to understand. I'd even began extracting a certain element out of them to study further, referred simply to as DT. I thought it was that one thing that kept them together, but even that alone wasn't it. It was driving me insane, my pet. I needed to know how to harness the power of a human soul without taking it into myself, it needed to be reproduced for everyone. So we could break the barrier, take back our lands, our homes, and not once be afraid of perishing for it." An inkling of fear came back to you, though you squashed it, softly kissing the crown of his skull. "Yes, even revenge drove me. I didn't care for the pain I was inflicting on those souls, no matter how obvious their agony was. They were human souls, and what did I care for such a wretched species?"

"My work consumed me, every fiber of my being. Every waking moment was spent in my lab, and whenever I did manage an hour or two of sleep, I dreamed of the souls. I even began preliminary testing on monsters with a mixture of extracts from the human souls. Most died instantly, turning to dust as soon as it was in their veins. Others died more...slowly. But I couldn't stop, I convinced myself I was getting closer and closer to a solution. I can't tell you how many monsters my assistants kidnapped from their homes in the middle of the night for our experiments. Nor can I tell you how much dust, or rather, blood is on my hands. It consumed me, those souls consumed me. Memories of the war consumed me, the life our kind had before it consumed, I was a man insane."

Gaster fell silent again as you struggled to come to terms with what he was telling you, mentally pulling a blank. After everything humankind had done to monsters, you couldn't find it in yourself to be angry. But those souls...they were just children, just kids, innocents that'd fallen and didn't know where they were. Your heart ached for them, wondering how frightened they must've been. That ache only intensified thinking of all the families your lover had torn apart, without any explanation, how many had fallen in his crazed pursuit for power. No, not only for himself, you could acknowledge that, but...it was heartbreaking. Still you held your tongue, you knew your original question would be answered soon enough.

"I could only assume one of the few entrusted with helping me grew sick of watching me carry on the way I was. Tired of watching me dole out pain without a second thought, excusing my own actions with reasoning that it was for the greater good. Too many had been sacrificed long before I had ever started," he paused and you knew in an instant he meant the children and their souls, "and I didn't fight it when the time came. I was performing a routine checkup on the CORE late at night. Someone pushed me clear over the guard rails. I could have teleported away, or saved myself. But I didn't. To this day, I still have reason to believe it was Alphys. She was the only one who had a heart left in our team, she would have wanted to put a stop to it all." Baritone notes were strained with what you could only assume was pained regret, and not for falling. For everything, and you cuddled all the closer to him for it.

"The compact magic of the CORE was too much for anyone to handle being in direct contact with, not even a being as strong as I am, a hybrid. The moment my magic made contact with its, I simply stopped existing. My being was wiped from existence. All memory of who I was blinked from people's minds. Save for Sans, and over time, Papyrus had some vague recollection of me. I was everywhere...and nowhere all at once. Able to see infinite time lines and universes all around me, but unable to exist in a single one. Watching, but not allowed to enter. Hearing, but unable to speak. In all of them, I no longer was. Not a single parallel universe so much as held a wisp of my existence anymore."

"I was forgotten, though over time, scattered particles of myself collided into each other and I grew stronger. It felt like millions upon millions of years in that place between worlds, though not much time passed within reality itself. Small fragments of me only barely managing to come close enough for me to snatch back, to regain myself again. A lesser monster would have been entirely obliterated, I knew. I tried to be thankful for still living, but I gave up on that. Being dead, dust, would have been better than the void. So much time passed..." His voice trailed off, and part of you worried he was starting to dissociate so you clung to him harder yet. "I came to understand I was only persisting due to my hybrid nature. That human part of me was holding my shattered form together and acting as a beacon for the rest."

He gave a humorless bark of a laugh, pressing his face to your neck and taking in your scent with a deep breath. "I came to think you humans held on, even after death, because you were all gluttons for punishment. How I wished I would end, to escape what was surely an eternity of torment. Forced to watch all you loved and cared for, knowing you would never share another laugh or cup of coffee with them, knowing not a single one even knew your name. That void grew dark, darker...yet darker. Strangling me yet offering no pressure at all. So black, endlessly black, so cold and yet it gave me no sensation at all." There was a certain glitching noise that slipped into his words, the usual wingdings that hovered around his head looking like static. It was scaring you, but this was his story, his turn to talk.

You had spent enough time crying and feeling sorry for yourself, it was time for you to be the strong one. So you rubbed your cheek against his, trailing kisses over Gaster's features over and over again. "Some timelines I watched were torture. More children fell and some would simply start slaughtering every monster they came across. My sons...my sons." That noise, that ugly shrill noise, intensified and he held to you tighter yet. What felt like nails, no, claws digging into your back as he tried to press you even further into him for comfort. It was almost like a dial up tone, but...far too demonic to ever be made by something inanimate. "I watched them die, over and over again. Too weak to intervene, save them. My anger fueled me, more of me came back, and soon I was strong enough to began pounding at that flimsy veil that kept me from them."

Gaster's lips found yours, kissing you hard enough to hurt, and you reminded yourself he needed something to keep him in the present. You could feel it, his distress, his pain, in all the scars he'd left on your body by marking you. No matter what he did, already you knew he suffered tenfold what he inflicted, and there was still more to be said. He pulled back only to resume clutching onto you like a lifeline, nuzzling at your hair, taking his time before he could talk again. He needed this, he needed to get it out, and by God if you weren't going to stay right here and help him shed some light on this burden. You wanted to help him, you needed to help him, and your fingers moved to wind tightly into his typical sweater.

As he continued to speak, it was entirely distorted. Static and deep glitching noises, and yet you could understand it. It was like you'd always understood it. "Even once I could break through, I couldn't manifest a physical body. A ghost, I was a ghost. Still I could not reach out, still I could not speak. Even the void was more pleasant than that hell. But I still came back, over and over, watching my sons and my friends. Watching people who no longer knew who I was, happily living their lives without ever having known I existed. But the stronger I became, the more I could do. Some could see me, only glimpses of me. How horrifying a visage I must have been, a roiling mess of tar and shattered bone and static alike." His lips found some part of your neck and kissed at it, and you snuggled him closer to you, waiting.

"People feared me when they could catch glimpses of me. 'Beware of the man who speaks in hands'. And who could blame them for that fear? Oh, my darling, I was so angry. Enraged at everyone and everything, almost blaming all of them for forgetting me. How dare they forget me? I gave them all a reason to fear me, no matter the timeline or universe I found myself in. I was nothing but fury, nothing but rage, I could be nothing else. How could they all forget me and then have the audacity to be afraid of me? I was vengeful, then. I let hate consume me and it contorted my fragmented soul ever further, and deeper into that darkness I went. The darkness kept growing. The shadows cutting deeper." You almost felt like that abyss was closing in, now, with how cold you suddenly were, shivering against your lover.

"In some universes, a select few monsters were unlucky enough to have come in contact with my missing pieces. It ripped them, too, from the fabric of reality. Only able to be seen here and there, all intimately aware of my presence, dead inside and unable to do much but warn those who could see them of me. It didn't take long for me to reclaim what was mine from them, uncaring as they dusted after I did. All I wanted was power, more and more power, anything to be real again. Perhaps that was part of why I terrorized people as I did," he laughed softly against your skin, "I believed people wouldn't forget me again if they learned to fear me. Beware the man who came from the other world." Some part of you wanted to wrench away from him and run, but you didn't. No, you stayed right where you were and only kissed him some more. Over and over again, heart thudding in your chest out of pain for him. You hurt for him, for what he endured, for what that experience made him into.

"The stronger I grew, the more present I could be. Only once I was able to take some putrid excuse for a physical form did someone remember me. Sans. I'm afraid that once he knew I still persisted, once his memories came back to him, he near drove himself as mad I had once trying to find a way to bring me back. Hours, then days, weeks, months, years. His very being was devoted to trying to save me from the void between worlds, to grant me the ability to persist permanently in the physical plane. This next experiment seemed very, very interesting. I allowed his tinkering for a long while, watching, visiting when able. So desperate I was to return that I allowed him to bring ruin to himself." Gaster's voice took on notes of shame, self hatred, then.

"A teleporter of sorts meant to fetch me from the place of nonexistence. I hoped too fiercely he could save me that I did not try to stop him...it didn't work. It nearly tore him apart, robbing him of his strength, his health, trying to siphon his magic from him to give to me. I destroyed it once I knew what was happening, destroyed whatever slim chance I had for escape. Sans almost died in his attempt to save me. His magic returned to him, in time, though his health never came back. He sleeps as much as he does because of this. After that, I never reached out to him again, I allowed him to think I was simply gone for good. And back to that void I went, full of anger and hatred, for the world, for myself." He leaned back in his seat and brought you with him, seemingly tired from how much he'd been talking.

But it was slowly returning from that static ridden mess and to the smooth lull you knew it to be, comforting you immensely. "...Frisk came along some years after I had given up hope, given up on finding my missing pieces, scattered through space and time. Those few years felt like eons, time passed much differently in the void...so very differently." It didn't need to be said that Gaster was archaic if what he said was true, and you had no doubt that every word was honest. It changed nothing, you brought your face to his and pressed your lips against his, and he pulled away only to talk again. "They set off a series of events known as RESETS. Battling some demonic entity within themselves, trying to save each and every person in the underground. All of those timeline, universe, reboots gave off a discharge of excess energy."

"I fed on it, siphoned it into myself, and as I again grew stronger, my missing pieces were called to me like a magnet. There were times they even saw me, in Waterfall. In my special room I sometimes made it into. And finally...someone other than Sans could remember me. No matter how many times things started over, they remembered me. Sometimes that room was there, sometimes it wasn't. But I could feel them searching for me, even in the void, their soul calling out to me. A beacon of hope. They refused to give up unless they could save every last monster...even that despicable weed they carry about." You could almost hear the grimace in his voice, and you snickered a bit. "I still cannot figure out how or why most of my fragments came together, nor how they knew they had succeeded before breaking the barrier. But the barrier being broken was the last little bit of energy I needed, the last piece to the puzzle."

"And just as suddenly as I had disappeared, I reappeared, everyone's memories came with me. They could only remember that I vanished, and only Sans and the child knew the truth of where I had been. I intend on keeping it that way..." His fingers toyed with your hair as a disembodied hand brought his coffee to his lips, drinking from his mug deeply before setting it aside. "Some fragments are still missing. But I do not care. Let them stay gone, I refuse to return to that place to bring them back. Void walking is an ability I retained after all was said and done, but that place is...painful, to say the least."

Sitting up properly, your hands would cup his face, and Gaster stared impassively into your eyes. "...I'm sorry, G. I'm sorry you had to suffer through that alone and for so, so long. I'm sorry you had to deal with that pain." Your thumbs brushed over his cheeks, and you rested your forehead against his, eyes closing.

"I promise you, you will never be alone again. I swear on my life, you will never, ever be alone again. You will never be forgotten again, not ever." You wanted to say more, but you hardly had time to breathe another word before Gaster's lips crashed fervently against yours all over again. Not for self comfort as before, this was heated, fiery, and his hold on you pulled you flush against his form. An affection you returned readily, arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders. As he broke away to bite down on your throat, undoubtedly littering you in more marks, you only gave a raspy sigh. This wasn't a sexual sort of need, it was need for you alone, you knew that.

"Nothing could ever make me forget you, okay? Nothing." You guided his face back up to yours before he could break skin, nuzzling at him and peppering his face in kisses. As many as you could give him before he claimed your lips with his once more.

"I think I love you."

"I think I love you, too, Gaster."

* * *

 **AN:** _oops how long has it been since i updated? a long frickin' time. took ages to focus on bettering myself and yaddah dyah._

 _anyways i felt like this story needed a better chapter to sit on if i end up not updating again for a while. also bcuz i wanted gaster to have his moment since everything has been about the reader character and how they feel up until now. g's struggling, too. also wow rereading this fanfic made me cringe hardcore. wtf me. why the reader crying so much. why the reader always crying. anywho! i might be writing a new fic to get myself back into the swing of things. im working on one on wattpad that's a richtofen x reader thing bcuz dont fucking judge me u heathens. same name on there as on here minus the username thingy or w/e being vitiation and the profile name just being rhaoz. so far as new fics on here, i have an idea for a vaati x reader fic I'm dying to write. tho i might put that on wattpad as well? undertale fics will def stay on here tho. ive got a grillbae x reader thingy i wanna do for y'all._

 _reviews are much appreciated but i absolutely dont expect any after all this time omg_


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